


love shack

by lorelaislatte



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: AU, F/F, a spectacular amount of research into the 70s lgbt movement has been done, dani joins a book club and an anarchist lesbian activist group all in like a week, fun concerts and vinyls galore, housemates au i guess, it’s going to be a fun one, oh no i’ve got a thing for my friend who i also live with whoops, suspicious hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:42:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28652202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorelaislatte/pseuds/lorelaislatte
Summary: camden, london, 1972.the woman in question has soft brown curls, denim dungarees over a pink floyd t-shirt, and is enthusiastically waving a sign with “if god hates lesbians, why are we so cute?” on it.dani might be a little in love.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 426
Kudos: 423





	1. london calling

**Author's Note:**

> hallo loves. here we go, round two of me throwing these two somewhere in england and having fun with it. some of you are here from the recently-finished cambridge au, some of you are brand new. all equally welcome, and as ever, comments and feedback absolutely just roast my vegetables, so be lovely to hear your thoughts. toodles for now x

_God_ , her feet are sore. 

Walking from the station had seemed a great idea at the time, her excitement and curiosity of the city around her propelling her out of Euston and into the future. Now, though, with her heavy backpack and a couple of other bags in her arms, Dani is really, _really_ regretting it. 

Her journey had been mercifully short, the small village of Bly only three hours or so from London, getting her to Euston at a tidy 10 o’clock. She was sad to go, but with both of her ex-charges now in boarding school, she knew her time had come to an end - Bly was a small place, the nearest school three villages over, and while the manor house she’d lived in was lovely, two days without the children had been a stark reminder of just how big and empty a large house could feel. 

She’d considered going all over, stopping to travel around Europe for a bit, heading up to Scotland, or to Ireland, give herself a proper change of scenery. London, though, as an American, still held a level of excitement and mystery, the history of the grand city and the multitude of cultures it contained almost reaching off of the page of her travel guide. Plus, her savings would only last for so long - she’d need to find work within a couple of months, and the sheer size of London promised opportunities abound. Finding a room had proved relatively easy; she’d probably want a place to herself someday, but in the interim, feeling the presence of people around her, knowing she has familiar faces waiting for her in this new place, it all offers a kind of comfort. She’d spoken with one, a Mrs. Grose, over the phone, who had mentioned a Mr. Sharma and a Miss Taylor, making four of them in total. Dani’s room was furnished with the basics, on the top floor of the house, next to the one occupied by whoever Miss Taylor was, with a shared living space, kitchen, and bathroom, plus a garden space out the back, and both the Underground and Overground stopping just a short walk away. How could Dani have refused that?

Camden seemed like an interesting area from the research she’d managed to do - it boasts popular music venues, a canal, a large market-place, and has benefited hugely from the influx of immigration and the hippie movement slowly building, giving it a multicultural atmosphere and diversity within its residents. It would be another fresh start for Dani, and she liked the idea of it, the description one magazine had given of _a place for misfits, those on the fringe_ seeming to invite her in. So here she was, having walked through what she _thinks_ is Somers Town, hoping to reach her destination at some point within the next fifteen or so minutes, the morning having passed almost frightfully quickly.

She stops for a breather, pulling her tattered map out of her pocket, tracing a finger over the highlighted route. According to a nearby street sign, she’s on Pratt Street, a couple of roads away from Lyme Street, where her new home is waiting. There’s a closed green space up ahead on the left - _St Martin’s Gardens_ , she reads on the map, and rows of terraced houses in various shades of brown and cream line the street. It’s sunny March afternoon, and the park seems to be in full swing; Dani can hear chanting and what sounds like a steel drum, and a couple of people seem to be stopping to stare now. She pockets her map, hoisting up her bags and crosses the street.

When she gets to the entrance of the park, she’s greeted with an unexpected sight. A group of about ten women are gathered in some kind of protest, many of them holding signs and dressed in bright, pseudo-hippie clothing. There are picnic blankets on the floor in vibrant shades of yellow and orange, some kind of bunting in pastel primary colours strung through the bushes, and various cries along the lines of _gay liberation_ and _we all bleed the same_ and _your hatred didn’t end in ‘67_ filling the space. Dani feels her heart thudding as she takes in the scene before her, some combination of solidarity and fright mixing and swirling around her heart. One of the protestors, a tall, stern woman in a spiked leather jacket clocks her staring

“What’s the matter, Blondie? Scared of the big bad dykes? Sod off then. We’re not evil.”

Dani’s eyebrows shoot up, unprepared for the response. “I know. Actually, I think you’re all heroes.”

The woman who shouted at her looks rather sheepish, but Dani isn’t looking at her. Someone else has caught her eye, had done the moment she stopped to look. The woman in question has soft brown curls, denim dungarees over a _Pink Floyd_ t-shirt, and is enthusiastically waving a sign with “if God hates lesbians, why are we so cute?” on it.

Dani might be a little in love. 

She shakes her head and sets off again, vaguely registering footsteps behind her. It’s only when a light, almost-hesitant touch lands on her shoulder that she stops, turning around and almost hitting the stranger with her large backpack, who takes a step back. 

“Sorry, about Viola. She’s a bit...blunt.”

The woman with the placard is looking at her, brown eyes shining with what registers to Dani as both an apology and a gentle curiosity. There’s an accent to her voice - _somewhere North_ , Dani thinks, but she can’t pinpoint where. 

“It’s okay. I get defensive too, sometimes.”

“So you’re, y’know, part of the club?”

“Yeah. Kind of...new, but yeah.” Dani bites her lip, wondering exactly when she became the kind of person who could talk with ease in insinuations with a total stranger in the middle of a new city. She chalks it up to that feeling of kinship, the knowledge that there’s no judgement awaiting her, but she notices the way her voice lowers a little, how she scans for anybody walking nearby. Old habits die hard. 

“Well, welcome,” the woman says, with a little bow that makes Dani giggle. “We’re not normally in the park, but the twats at the market moved us on, so, next best thing. Most Saturdays, we’re around, so, you know, if you’re nearby-“

“I am, I, uh, just got off of the train. New to the area too.”

The woman smiles. “Cool. Well, welcome to Camden then. Best of the boroughs. Shoreditch gives us a bit of a run for it, though.”

“I’ll remember that,” Dani says, and she _will_ , she’ll remember every word this woman ever said to her. “Well, my housemates are waiting, so-“

“Right, yeah, don’t want to worry them. See you around?”

“Sure. Have a good day.”

“How could I not, when this is how it started,” the woman offers with a charming smile, and Dani feels her insides flip, giving one last, long look as she turns to go. Looks back over her shoulder to see the other woman doing the same, offers a little wave as she starts walking again, the weight of her bags on her shoulders somehow even more prominent now. 

*

Lyme Street is pretty, rows of white semi-detached houses stretching in front of her. It’s strangely quiet for somewhere so close to Central London, and Dani can just about hear the canal on the other side of the houses, wondering if she’ll be able to get closer. She scans the houses for number 9, wandering up until she comes to it. It’s big, bigger than she’d thought, a black front door with a pretty white stone trim visible up a flight of stairs. There’s potted plants lining it, some on the floor, some up by the door, and she likes the feeling already. She can see a basement floor, with windows carved into the ground at an angle to let the light in, and she can just about see what looks like the head of a double bed there - presumably the room belonging to Mr. Sharma and Mrs. Grose, whoever they’d turn out to be. She takes a breath, wincing at her aching back, and knocks three times on the door.

She waits for a minute, and is about to knock again when the door swings open, and a woman with a bright smile and a deep red jumper appears. She looks kind, and Dani wonders whether this is Mrs. Grose or Miss Taylor - doesn’t particularly matter, she supposes.

“You must be Miss Clayton?” the woman says, ushering her inside into the hallway. The house feels homely, a long woven rug running down the hallway, coats hanging up piled on top of each other, what looks like ivy wound around the staircases, one ascending to the top floors, one descending to the basement. A mirror hangs above a narrow table, on which four bowls are placed, two of which contain keys, one a pack of cigarettes, and one of which is empty. Another potted plant sits in the corner, and Dani can just about see into the kitchen, which is painted shades of light blue and white, the end of a large wooden table just about visible. 

“Dani, please. The house is lovely.”

“Thank you, Dani. I’m Hannah Grose, it’s lovely to finally meet you. Would you like to drop your bags down before getting a tour?”

Dani nods, and Hannah smiles again, gesturing up the stairs. Dani heaves her bags onto her shoulders for the final time, wincing spectacularly, and follows Hannah up. There are two doors on the landing, both painted white, and Hannah opens the one slightly to the right, ushering Dani in.

It’s a beautiful room, facing the street, and bigger than Dani had imagined. She drops her bags by the bed, rolling her shoulders, finally somewhat glad she doesn’t have a job to start at yet, knowing she’ll need a good few days to recover from _that_ particular journey. Hannah says something about giving her a couple of hours to settle, letting her know there’s tea in the kitchen when she’s ready, and Dani gives her a grateful smile as Hannah closes the door behind her.

She moves to sit on the bed, flopping backwards into a comfy mattress. Hannah has been kind enough to provide her with a duvet, cover, and two pillows, and Dani is incredibly grateful that she doesn’t have to immediately do a homeware shop. She turns her head to look around. The room is minimal, painted a soft white, looking more like a dusky cream in the areas where the sun doesn’t quite reach. The window is large, letting a good amount of light in. The head of the bed is against the wall at a right angle to the window, and she notes she’ll have to make sure to close the blinds firmly when she wants a lie in. She has a lamp on her bedside table and one on the desk, opposite the bed, with a tall wardrobe next to it. A pine bookcase is by the door, a few paperbacks on it, and there’s a small cactus on top, with a note. She heaves herself up and walks over to it.

_Dear New Housemate,_

_A little welcome present from all of us. Water very gently twice a week (think two or three tablespoons-type gently). Knock on my door if it starts dying._

_Jamie Taylor (your top floor neighbour)_

She finds herself smiling at the unexpected kindness, putting the note against the cactus pot, and decides to start doing the brunt of her unpacking. Better now, when she’s already aching, than leaving herself with even more work to do tomorrow. 

Her bags are mainly filled with clothes, which all fit in the wardrobe with space to spare. Her notebooks make a home on the desk, a jar of pens next to them. The books she’d brought join the others on the shelf, a couple of postcards she’d picked up from Bly and Euston Station stuck up on the walls. Her toiletries and makeup take a temporary residence on the desk, until she finds out what the bathroom situation is, her hairbrush on the bedside table. She puts her shoes by the door, having spotted a shoe-rack back down in the hallway. Dani doesn’t have a huge amount of possessions, but the room is starting to look a little more familiar already, and she nods to herself, padding downstairs to join up with Hannah again.

*

The kitchen is bright and airy, full of various utensils that belong to Owen. They’ve been making small talk between the three of them for a while, Dani learns that Owen is a master chef, Hannah a legal clerk, the unknown Jamie a gardener and political activist, though neither of them have mentioned what for. She talks about herself, about Iowa and the manor, her background in teaching, her current applications. Both Hannah and Owen are kind, supportive, and Hannah promises to keep an ear out at the courthouse to see if she catches wind of any teaching jobs nearby. They sort the logistics - Dani gives them a cheque with her deposit, first month of rent, and her share of the bills, tries not to think about how she’s just wiped out most of her savings account, and Hannah gives her her key and a tour of the house. It’s all pleasant, a couple of comfortable sofas and a fireplace in the living room, a large bathroom with a bathtub - and Lord, is Dani relieved to see that - and Hannah shows her where she can put her toiletries, what shelves and cupboards in the kitchen are hers. They keep rice, pasta, bread, and condiments as general household usage, but anything else she wants for herself should be stored in her cupboard, lest it fall victim to hungry housemates. 

The whole house is pleasant, but the garden is what catches Dani’s eye. It’s not a particularly big space, but it’s beautifully kept, with a small patio area containing a table and four chairs around it, a barbecue off to one side, and numerous potted plants all over, some flowering, some not. She sees a vegetable patch down at the end of the grass, next to a small shed, flowerbeds lining the edges of the space against the fence, and a small lemon tree standing proud in the middle. It’s immaculate, but lively - nothing feels trimmed back, or out-of-place. She presumes this is the handiwork of the mysterious Jamie, who is evidently very good at her job,

They return to the kitchen, and Dani asks more about the area, learning that the market is best avoided on weekends, that the best vegetables come from the greengrocer on Inverness Street, that Jamie has the house signed up to the mailing lists of about ten music venues in London, so she’ll be able to get an early bird ticket deal to almost any major show. Hannah confirms that it’s a politically active area, that she and Owen have often joined Jamie on rent marches, anti-eviction protests and the like. There’s swing dance classes down the hall, if that’s Dani’s thing, and a book club that meets every two weeks at a small library near the Roundhouse concert venue. 

Dani’s stomach lets out a spectacular growl just as Hannah is mentioning the book club, and Owen rustles her up a couple of sandwiches, declaring that “ah, sounds like our newest addition is _bread-_ y to eat,” which makes Dani laugh. She’s already warmed to Owen, and can see how easily he and Hannah fit together, complimenting each other nicely. Owen tells her about the restaurant he owns near the market, _A Batter Place_ , a bit of an all-rounder with a speciality in Italian and Spanish cuisine, and Dani promises to come by. If the sandwich is anything to go by, she’ll be in heaven - good food spots in Bly were few and far between, and Dani is a somewhat competent cook, but she’ll take a high-quality carbonara over any variety of macaroni cheese she’s ever been able to rustle up. 

She’s distracted by her thoughts by a key in the lock. “Ah, that’ll be Jamie,” Hannah says as they hear the door open and close. “She’s been out since the early morning, I’ll put the kettle back on.”

Dani waits in gentle anticipation as she hears footsteps approach. “This is Dani Clayton,” Owen says, though Dani can’t quite see the figure presumably in the doorway just yet. “She’s the one taking Rebecca’s old room.” 

Finally the woman steps in, and Dani’s eyes widen at the familiar brown curls and overalls. The woman - _Jamie_ \- seems equally surprised, her eyebrows almost at the ceiling, a small smile quirking up on her face. “Wow. Yeah. Yeah, we’ve met. Good to see you again.”

Dani can’t quite find the words, instead forcing a smile and standing to shake Jamie’s proffered hand. Her grip is warm, strong, and Dani has to try incredibly hard not to betray the fireworks that just went shooting up her arm. She forces her brain to speak, not wanting to appear rude, or worse, disappointed - she’s not sure exactly how she’s feeling, but those earlier butterflies have come swooping back in. “Yeah, yeah, you too. Thank you for the cactus, it’s really kind of you.”

“Welcome,” Jamie says, taking her hand back as she wanders to a cupboard, grabbing a couple of biscuits from a tin. Dani follows her every move, every curl, every step, completely unable to look away. Seeing Jamie again, seeing her up close and indoors, she’s even more striking - Dani can see the muscles in her arm as she reaches upwards, can see the definition of the soft pink of her lips in the afternoon light. She looks smaller - gone are the boots she’d been wearing earlier - but strong, confident, sure of herself in a way Dani doesn’t think she’s ever been. 

It hits her only then, as she very obviously checks Jamie out, that she’s _living_ with her now. That Jamie is going to be there with her, surrounding her. That they share a wall, a kitchen, a living space. That Jamie is imprinted in this house, that Dani will be able to look outside, see her arms flexing as she works tirelessly in the dirt, ask her about flowers and trees and nature and listen to Jamie talk for hours if she wants to. 

That she’s never been a particularly subtle person when it comes to her less platonic feelings. And now, every day, she’ll have three sets of eyes on her, and very little escape except the room upstairs. 

This’ll be interesting.


	2. practically perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your lovely comments, and it’s so nice to see so many of you from the cambridge fic! as prior readers know, worldbuilding is suuuuper important to me and my writing, so hopefully by end of the next couple of chapters you've all got a decent image in your minds. reviews as ever really saltwater my taffy so do feel encouraged x

Sleep doesn’t come easily to Dani.

It never has done. Even as a young child she’s always been plagued with nightmares and insomnia - her doctor in the States had chalked it up to an unusual level of nervousness, but hadn’t been particularly helpful beyond that. She’s tried all manner of cures - herbal teas, long baths, reading, writing, listening to the late-night radio, and still no luck. Something in her brain just refuses to let her turn off.

She knows exactly why she’s awake tonight, though.

She _cannot_ get Jamie out of her mind.

The rest of the evening had been a lovely welcome, the four housemates sitting in the living room and playing several card games. Jamie had dragged her record player down from her bedroom, and several albums Dani vaguely recognises filled the air, Aretha Franklin and the Velvet Underground providing a lively backdrop. Jamie had sat next to her on the couch against the wall, Hannah and Owen at a right-angle against the window, and Dani had felt every single shift, every tiny movement Jamie made. At some point the wine had come out, and Jamie, having stood to get a glass, had sat down _much_ closer than she previously had been, her knee lightly brushing Dani’s, sending shooting electricity up her leg every time.

Dani had lost a _lot_ of card games throughout the evening.

Her housemates are lively company, and she already likes them a lot. Owen is secretly fantastic at games, Hannah a silent killer at poker, and Jamie just has an infectious energy to her. They work brilliantly as a trio, and Dani worries about intruding, feeling a little on the fringe of the group - that is, until Jamie slaps her lightly on the arm for beating her at a game of rummy, Owen leans forwards to clink their wine glasses together, and Hannah gives her a soft, gentle smile. _No,_ Dani had thought. _This is going to work._

She doesn’t remember what time she eventually made it upstairs, followed by Jamie, who was hoisting the record player back up with her. Eleven? Half past? It barely mattered - Jamie had said goodnight with an uncharastically almost-shy smile, one Dani had returned as they went into their separate rooms. And now, almost four hours later, she’s _still_ thinking about it.

She’s had plenty of crushes before; the sensation of one building isn’t unfamiliar to her. But this feels different - she knows Jamie likes women too. This time, she’s faced with the tantalizing prospect that her feelings could, very possibly, be reciprocated. Dani has spent a long time working on her confidence, building up her self-esteem just enough to stop shutting down any prospect the second it arises, whether professional or personal - she knows she’s pretty, knows that she’s kind, a bit awkward, but otherwise can hold an interesting conversation. And the looks Jamie had given her downstairs, the knee brushing hers...well. It’s not out of the realm of possibility.

She can’t decide if that makes it better or worse.

At least with previous women she’d been able to shut herself down instantly, knowing there was a boyfriend, or a crush on the scene. This is different. Any rejection from Jamie, should it come, would be _personal_. An ‘I’m sorry, I don’t like _you’_ , rather than an ‘I’m sorry, I don’t like women’, and Dani’s self-esteem is just a fraction too delicate to deal with that right now. No, she resolves, no use assuming anything just yet. Jamie might secretly be horrible, might leave dirty dishes in the sink all day, make a harsh comment, ruin the atmosphere.

(She won’t. Dani already knows she won’t.)

But none of these wonderings make the night any more tolerable. She’s consumed with thoughts of Jamie just a thin wall away, wonders where her bed is, if they’re head-to-head or if Jamie is a space away from her. Wonders what Jamie’s room is like, if it’s also full of plants, if Jamie also likes to read, or if she prefers to lose herself in her record player, mountains of records stacked up next to it.

The clock ticks, and she thinks of Jamie.

*

“Alright, Dani? Was wondering if you’d died up there.”

Dani groans, her head hitting the table. Most of a bottle of wine plus about six hours sleep is _killing_ her, and Jamie swanning around the kitchen looking like she’s just walked out of some kind of grunge editorial is decidedly not helping, particularly not when she’s looking at Dani with a half-smile and a twinkle in her eyes.

She feels something on the table in front of her, a hand patting her shoulder before it darts away, and lifts her head just enough to see a glass of water and a couple of aspirin. Jamie nods at them. “Drink up,” she says. “You’ll feel better. Then, if you want, I’ve got some weeding to do, so you can join me in the garden for a bit of fresh air and some toast.”

Dani chokes back the water obligingly, not convinced by Jamie’s promise at all, but she’d like to see the garden again, so she nods. “That’d be nice,” she says, groggily. “Sorry. This isn’t exactly the impression I wanted to make.”

She hears Jamie chuckle lowly to herself - _God_ , that sound isn’t going to leave her any time soon. “You’re fine, Dani. Hannah and Owen are both at the restaurant, and you were enough of a hit last night to convince me. Takes more than a pretty girl with a hangover to scare me off.”

_Pretty._

_A pretty girl._

Dani’s the _pretty girl_. In Jamie’s kitchen. She’s going to _die._

Fortunately, before she can even try and get a vaguely coherent response out, the toast pops up, and Jamie heads over to plate up, offering Dani a variety of spreads. She opts for strawberry jam, needing something sweet, is met with approval, and follows Jamie out into the garden. She sits on one of the chairs in the patio, Jamie next to her, and they eat in a peaceful silence, enjoying the birdsong and the sun climbing steadily across the sky.

“So, Dani. I missed some introductory stuff yesterday. What’s your story?”

Dani takes a bite of toast. “Iowa, originally, but never liked it much. Small town, everyone knew everything, you know. I studied in Ohio, in Cincinnati, and that was nice, for a bit. It was just all a bit too...familiar. Going home for the holidays, my boyfriend everywhere I looked-”

Jamie almost chokes. “Boyfriend?”

Dani rolls her eyes. “Unfortunately. Not anymore, obviously. I ended it when I went to Ohio, but he never really took the hint. We knew each other for as long as I can remember, so I guess he didn’t really see it coming.”

“Did he know you were gay?”

“I, uh-” Dani stops, not sure whether to go on. “Yeah. He, uh, had a bit of a rude awakening on that one.”

Jamie’s eyes glint. “That sounds like a fun story.”

Dani takes a deep breath. “He walked in on me French kissing his sister.”

If Jamie had nearly choked before, she does a straight-up spit-take at that, spraying a bit of water on the patio. “Jesus, Dani, yeah, that’ll do it. Is that why you left?”

“Sort of. She was older, much older, also had a boyfriend. I really, really shouldn’t have done it. I was just twenty, and stupid, and I don’t know, I don’t even really remember it happening. I wanted a change of scenery anyway, so I came here after graduation, worked at a manor house as a nanny for a bit. Then the kids grew up, and now they’re at a country boarding school somewhere, so here I am.”

Jamie looks her up and down approvingly, letting the knowledge sink in. “Well, we’re lucky to have you. And as far as I know, none of have sisters for you to try it on with, so already off to a good start.”

Dani blushes, suppressing the desire to reply with something on the lines of _it wouldn’t be your sister I’d be kissing._ “I wanna teach, I think. Younger kids probably - my degree was in education. Hannah says there’s a lot of schools in the area, so I’ll apply there, maybe do some tutoring if nothing happens quickly enough.”

“Look, Poppins, you’re fun, and charming, and we already like you quite a lot. So I’m sure they’ll want you.”

“Poppins?” Dani quirks an eyebrow up, a grin playing dangerously around her lips at what feels a lot like flirtation. “As in, Mary?”

Jamie nods, standing up and brushing a couple of crumbs off of her overalls. “Yeah. Magical nanny, all that. Fits you.”

Dani can only blush again in return as Jamie heads over to the shed, unlocking it and taking a few tools out. Dani finishes her toast, sits back in the sun, putting her feet up on the chair opposite her and closing her eyes. Her hangover is significantly better, the aspirin and good company finally kicking in, and the warmth is pleasant even in March. She can very faintly hear the bustling streets outside, makes a note to head down to the market and explore the town either today or tomorrow. But right now, she could sit here forever, opening her eyes and tilting her head to watch Jamie work. _Poppins,_ she thinks. _Pretty girl._ She’s never going to sleep again.

*

The afternoon ticks by and she motivates herself to go out and explore a bit, leaving Jamie in the garden with a farewell and a promise to report back her favourite spots. She’s been given endless recommendations, resolving to choose four to start with - the market, the Roundhouse, the tube station, and Camden Lock Pier. All four are a short walk away, fortunately - she memorises the location of Camden Town station, picks up a tube map and decides to spend some time trying to learn it later in the night. Camden is delightful, her newness to the city allowing her to see it all through rose-coloured, tourist-like glasses - she spends three hours in the market alone, only leaving at almost closing time with a new skirt, a couple of notebooks, and a poster of Carole King to put up on her wall. _Tapestry_ is above and beyond her favourite album, and she absent-mindedly wonders if Jamie has a copy, resolving to ask when she gets home.

Home. It already feels like it.

She wanders up from the market to the Roundhouse, an imposing, circular brick building with numerous tour posters outside. She doesn’t recognise a lot of them, but Bowie’s _Ziggy Stardust_ tour catches her eye, and she grabs a flyer, noting the dates in August. The area around the Roundhouse seems mainly residential, lots of sand-coloured brick houses as central Camden melts into Chalk Farm. There’s a few businesses on the main street leading to it, cafés and secondhand clothes shops, and she stops in for a coffee on her way back down to Camden Lock, the afternoon slowly beginning to turn to evening.

There’s three things she notices in particular about Camden. Firstly, the street art is _spectacular_. Almost every wall she passes has something on it, not the crappy tags she’d expected to see, but genuine artwork, scenes of Camden and portraits of people she doesn’t know and various sprays of the logos of David Bowie and The Rolling Stones. It brings this area of London to life, a stark contrast to grey and brown brick buildings that line the streets. Dani’s never been particularly artistic herself, save for a few drawing lessons as a kid, and it gives her even more of a sense of appreciation for the vibrancy in front of her.

The second is the political scene. Hannah hadn’t been kidding when she described Camden as an _eternal protest_ \- just by walking down Camden High Street she’s been offered about six different flyers all promoting a variety of causes, from climate change to vegetarianism to the gay rights movement. She’d accepted them all, particularly looking forward to the gay rights movement pamphlet, and pocketed them on her way to the Roundhouse.

The third is the people. She finds herself surrounded by a buzz of diversity, one she’s never experienced anything close to before. People dressed in gothic and punk styles, short shorts and strange, slicked-up hairstyles. The cultures spill into each other, all kinds of restaurants and shops in a variety of languages. She stops by a small Polish supermarket, picking up some wafers and what look like pierogi, a dumpling dish she’s heard of. The supermarket attendant speaks no English, and Dani no Polish, but they make do, offering bright smiles and gestures to each other as they work it out. She sees the multitude of ethnicities around her, families from all over the world, and thinks how beautiful it is that these people have all come to co-exist together, many of them possibly just like her, restarting their lives in the bustle of the city as they try to find somewhere to settle forever.

By the time she’s made it to Camden Lock Pier, her legs are aching and her shoulders are burning, not quite recovered from the previous day. But she presses on, wanting to get down to the water. It’s not quite the crystal-clear blue she’d dreamed of, London smog and pollution tainting that dream, but she likes the life it carries, how the seagulls swarm around the multitude of boats on the water. It’s not perfect, but hey, neither is she. Might as well exist together.

The market is packing up behind her, the outdoor bar ringing a bell to signal last orders. The food vendors for the evening are, by contrast, setting up - Dani can smell a variety of cuisines around her, more intense than the restaurants on the High Street, cooking in the open air to catch the last flows of visitors. She finds a bench to settle on before the evening gets too chilly, looking out over the canal, trying to work out what each boat is for. Some look like tourist traps, going up and down the Thames, some more industrial, she even catches a houseboat float by and briefly thinks what a wonderful life that would be, unmoored in every sense, moving adrift with the wind. She wonders if she’d ever be able to do that - to tie up her life on a single craft and see where it takes her. She really thinks she might.

The evening rush is already waning, and combined with the fact that it’s a Sunday, there’s no rush hour to compete with. Nothing about Camden is quiet, or still, but there’s a more settled air to it than there had been in the afternoon. The sky is slowly darkening, and a pale crescent moon is visible in the air, making Dani think, as it always does, of the Cheshire Cat’s smile. _Alice in Wonderland_ was one of the books that had come with her all the way from Iowa, she’s lost count of the amount of times she’d lost herself in it over the years.

She feels a bit like Alice, sometimes. Like she’s in a world she wasn’t quite ready for, one that wasn’t designed for her, but she’s fallen into anyway. There’s always been something incompatible about her and her life. She used to think she was too delicate for its harshness, but it’s deeper than that, more nuanced. What few pieces of queer theory she’d managed to read had helped somewhat, taught her in her late teens that she wasn’t alone in her romantic feelings, but she still feels somewhat at odds with the whole thing. Too interested in specific niches, not interested enough in society as a whole. But, if nothing else, it makes her an excellent teacher; a considerate person, learning every detail about the people she loves and clinging to it. It works for her, even if the world doesn’t.

A gentle chill is beginning to make its way across the canal, and she takes it as a sign to head back to Lyme Street, satisfied that she can make her way around at least the very centre of Camden now without getting lost. She passes St Martin’s Gardens again on her way, stopping ever-so-slightly to look at it without the life she’d seen before. It’s peaceful, quiet, much more in keeping with the residential homes surrounding it, and the fact that it’s where she first met Jamie seems to give it an almost reverent air, as if the bushes themselves know of the importance of the event they bore witness to. It’s beautiful in the evening light, the wind whispering secrets into the trees, and she lets herself take it all in, treasuring the sliver of nature in the city around her. 

*

When she walks through the door, she’s greeted with a delicious smell coming from the kitchen, and assumes it’s Owen’s handiwork, leaving her shoes at the door as she wanders in. To her surprise, Hannah is bent over the stove, stirring a large pot of something. Jamie isn’t there, and Dani tries to pretend she isn’t disappointed, giving Hannah a friendly hello as she goes to get herself a glass of water.

“Good day?” Hannah asks, looking away from the stove just long enough to smile at Dani, meticulously stirring the whole time.

“Yeah, really nice, thank you. Saw the sights a bit. Whatever you’re cooking smells gorgeous,” Dani replies, taking a seat at the table and putting her bags down as she does. 

“Mm, one of Owen’s recipes. I’m not half the cook he is, but me and paella have always gotten on well. You’re welcome to a plate if you haven’t eaten. Jamie’s upstairs, but there’s more than enough for three.”

“That’d be lovely, thank you. How long?”

“About forty minutes. Plenty of time to unload your bags.”

Dani nods, picking them up and heading upstairs with a gentle _see you in a bit_ to Hannah as she goes. As she ascends, she can hear the faint sound of Bowie coming from Jamie’s room, and smiles to herself as she does, having to try hard to keep walking past the door.

The Carole King poster from the market is placed on the wall, and she decides to wear the new skirt to dinner. It’s a pale pastel peach, small white flowers on it, and while Dani tends to prefer her jeans most of the time, she likes the way it swishes, the texture pleasant against her bare legs. As she’s unloading the rest of her bag, putting the notebooks in her desk drawer, she notices her flyer collection from earlier, the _Ziggy Stardust_ dates staring up at her, and an idea forms. Her feet are propelling her forward before she can stop and think, her hand is reaching up to knock at the door before her confidence can abandon her, and she’s just starting to rethink when Jamie opens it.

“Hey!”

“Hey, you alright?” Jamie looks mildly concerned. 

“Yes! Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Sorry.” _Great,_ Dani thinks, _you’re already scaring her_ “I just, uh. I heard Bowie, and, well, I walked up to the Roundhouse today, and he’s playing there in August.”

The beginnings of a smile dance around Jamie’s face as she leans against the doorframe, arms crossed. “He is, I saw the posters.”

Dani nods, trying not to let her voice sound too shaky. “I know it’s ages away, but I, uh, was wondering if you wanted to go? With me. In August.” 

Jamie pauses, looking at her, and Dani thinks she might cry if she doesn’t get an answer soon. “Yeah, that sounds nice. I’m on their mailing list, so I’ll see if there’s any good tickets left.”

“Cool.” Dani stops, not really sure what to do. “Well, I’ll leave you to it.” She turns to go, stopped by a gentle hand on her arm, and turns back to see Jamie looking even more intensely at her. 

“No, it’s okay. Any fan of Bowie is welcome, if you want. Only just put _Hunky Dory_ on.”

Dani can’t stop the grin that explodes onto her face, wouldn’t even if she could. She nods, following Jamie in, closing the door behind them and feeling a brand-new bundle of nerves creep through her stomach. Jamie’s room is a little smaller than hers, but oh, it’s so Jamie. There are, unsurprisingly, plants absolutely _everywhere,_ covering every surface, a few suspended from walls and ceilings. The walls are painted a cheerful yellow, the kind of colour Dani wouldn’t choose for herself in a million years, but it fits here, brightening the room. Jamie’s bed is on the floor, a mattress on top of what looks like a few wooden pallets, making the room appear bigger than it is. Her bed is unmade, pale green duvet flung back and pillows with a dent where Jamie has clearly been leaning; the window backs to the garden, and there’s a chest of drawers opposite the bed, where Jamie’s record player sits. The stack of vinyl next to it is even bigger than Dani had expected, various sizes and albums almost the height of the chest itself.

She’s particularly thrilled to see Jamie’s bookshelf, running her eyes along the various titles. There’s a lot of gardening books, non-fiction texts on flowers and propagation, but plenty of fiction too. Dani notes a couple of her own favourites in there - Patricia Highsmith’s _The Price of Salt,_ Frances Hodgson Burnett’s _The Secret Garden_ , and, to her absolute delight, Lewis Carroll’s _Alice in Wonderland_ is tucked on the end. She can feel Jamie watching her, eyes burning into the back of her head, but she can’t help herself from wandering over, stopping herself only when she reaches a curious hand out, reminds herself that it isn’t her property. “Sorry,” she says, taking a step back and turning back to Jamie. “ _Alice_ is my favourite, of all-time. Just happy to see her.”

Jamie nods, and there’s a slight stiffness to her, gone as soon as it arrived. “Yeah, I liked it. _Secret_ _Garden_ is my favourite, predictable. Don’t have much time for reading, these days, but the old favourites don’t really leave you, do they?”

“Never. _Alice_ has come with me from Iowa. I think I read it first when I was six, maybe seven? Only character I’ve ever properly related to, the whole way through.” 

Jamie moves to sit down on the bed, gesturing for Dani to sit next to her. “I get that. Always quite liked Jo, you know, from _Little Women_. Resonated with her. Stubborn and independent and proud. Was nice to have someone like her to read about, instead of all the feminine, gentle girls. _Jane Eyre_ is another one, plus Nancy from _Oliver Twist._ Most of the classics I find a bit dull, but there’s good women in there, if you look.”

Dani wants to shout with joy at the conversation unfolding, at the feeling of finally speaking to someone else who really, _really_ understands her. “Some of my favourites, too. I was always more of a Beth, I think, in _Little Women_. I still love Cathy in _Wuthering Heights_ as well. I was never quite as much like her as I always wanted to be, but that passion, that drive within her...it really stuck, you know? I hated Heathcliff, but I always wondered what it would be like to be so wrapped up in somebody else, so much a part of them and know that they’re a part of you in return.”

“Plus, Emily Brontë was definitely a lesbian.”

Dani laughs, harder than perhaps she should given the serious nature of their conversation, but Jamie has such a joking tone that she can’t help it. “God, probably. Good for her.”

Jamie looks like she’s about to say something else, when Hannah’s voice calls them to dinner. “Better not keep her waiting, Poppins. Get the record, will you?”

Dani obliges, standing up and gently lifting the needle off, replacing the record to its sleeve. 

“For what it’s worth, I think your namesake character suits you the most.”

“Oh?” Dani asks, genuinely curious. “Why’s that?”

“Practically perfect in every way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope the slight adjustment to dani's backstory is fun for all of us. i’m a very big fan of neurodivergent dani (as i myself am neurodivergent) and while i probably won’t mention that much throughout, i really wanted to throw that feeling of being somehow incompatible with the world in there, as i feel it’s really central to her character, especially in this particular fic. also all the fictional women mentioned are absolute ICONS and while i'm not a huuuuge classic literature fan i do recommend all the above xo


	3. the crown and anchor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew let’s go ladies and theydies. welcome to the anarchist gays. they’re all very gorgeous to me. also this is VERY jamie centric so enjoy the lack of a ‘slow burn’ tag

Monday passes in a similar fashion to Sunday, as does Tuesday. Dani spends most of the day outside, exploring more of Camden and taking the tube down into Central London, wandering around the West End and the National Gallery, feeling that she ought to enjoy some tourist attractions before hearing about them constantly dulls the impressive effect they have on her. Several postcards from the Gallery now adorn her walls, surrounding Carole King and adding a further touch of colour. She also buys a mug from the National Portrait Gallery next door, finally having one of her own to nestle in the cupboard alongside her housemates. 

She feels herself settling, now, properly settling. She spends mornings in the garden with Jamie when she wakes early enough, reads quietly with Hannah in the living room in the evenings. Her room is feeling more personal, the space she occupies feeling like she really lives there now, the sense of just passing through beginning to leave. The area is becoming familiar, she knows very vaguely how to get around on the Underground - and, most mercifully of all, her shoulders have finally stopped hurting from the move, thanks to a couple of long baths and a hot water bottle.

Now that she’s getting to know Camden geographically, her interest in the residents and the social side is beginning to creep through. She’s already decided on going to the book club Hannah mentioned - even if she hates it, it’s something to do in her current unemployment, and it’ll be nice to set a routine. She resolves to stop in at the restaurant on the way home, grab a drink with Owen or Hannah, wanting to finally see the pride and joy of half the house. 

She also wants to use her stretch of free time to get to grips with more of London, wandering down to the kitchen for a final cup of tea as she loosely plans for the next couple of weeks, tiredness starting to creep up. Shoreditch is on her list, Jamie’s words to her on her first day having stuck, as well as Islington and Brixton, both of which she’s heard of in passing. Kew Gardens and the Tower of London are two of the tourist destinations she wants to go to, and she wonders if Jamie would want to come to Kew with her; partly because she wants as much of Jamie’s company as she can get, but also because she knows just how deep a well of knowledge Jamie is.

She’s alone with her thoughts when, speak of the devil, Jamie comes home, sauntering into the kitchen with a smile. It’s late, getting on quarter past ten, and Dani asks where she’s been.

“Gay Liberation meeting. Where we plan the protests, catch up with the world, see what needs our attention. That kind of thing.”

“Oh. That sounds fun.”

“It is,” Jamie says, dropping a teabag into a mug and stretching, while Dani tries (and fails) not to stare at the smooth expanse of her back as her t-shirt rides up. “You should come next week, if you want to. We meet every Wednesday, eight ‘til we’re done, usually around ten. Seven ‘til nine in the winter. Everyone’s welcome, and it’s all confidential - we’re all there for the same reason.”

Dani looks down at her tea, thinking. It _does_ sound interesting. She’d been a prominent member of her University feminist society, so co-ordinating local action isn’t something she’s a particular stranger to. Something about this, though, feels like a bigger step - she’d heard whispers of underground queer groups back in Ohio, and the Stonewall Riots had happened the year she left the States, but she’d never quite managed to shake off enough anxiety to get involved herself, always quietly supporting from a distance.

“Maybe. What’s it like?”

Jamie thinks on this for a moment, evidently trying to tread the line between accurate and encouraging. “I won’t lie, Poppins, the first one can be a bit much. We’re a tight-knit group, and an odd one, at that. But you’ll have me, and I’ll stick with you all night, promise. Every week, if you need me to. But you’ll settle in fast, it’s interesting, you’ll learn a lot. I still do, three years later.”

If nothing else, the idea of Jamie promising to look after her for a couple of hours is enough to sway her. As Jamie says, they’d all be there for the same reason - as an aspiring schoolteacher, she knows she ought to be a little more sensible, but her heart is telling her to take the opportunity, and she knows she’ll regret it if she doesn’t. “Yeah, no, you’re right. I should get out more. I’d like to come.”

Jamie grins at her. “You’ll love it. And if you don’t, that’s fine too. One week at a time.”

“One week at a time,” Dani repeats, and it feels like a promise.

*

 _Intense_ is the word Dani would probably choose.

True to her word, Jamie is by her side every second, introducing her to members of the group. There's a strange tension between Jamie and Viola, who Dani remembers from the park, and she makes a note to ask about it later. Viola had been equally frosty to her, her expression darkening as Dani had gone for a handshake, leaving her feeling a bit put-out. Jamie had rolled her eyes and grabbed Dani’s hand to tug her away, introducing her to a woman named Charlotte and her partner Dominique, a French couple who had moved from Marseille in the late sixties, and were mercifully a lot more welcoming than Viola had been, even if Dani had been focussing far more on the feeling of Jamie’s hand in hers than anything they’d been saying. She meets a few others in the milling about before the meeting starts: a businessman named Henry, a couple of boys in their late teens named Scott and Michael, a very visibly punk woman in her fifties named Kate, all of whom are pleasant and warm. Dani is particularly enthralled with Kate, enjoying the combination of a motherly softness mixing with spiked-up hair and chains wrapped around her waist immensely. Jamie has, upsettingly, let go of her hand by that particular introduction, but stays with her, laughing with Kate over a memory the two of them share from a previous protest.

The meeting starts with a greeting and a quick round of introductions for Dani’s benefit. The room is varied, people of all different genders and styles in the circle, and even though she must look like a conservative pastor’s wife among the vibrant variety of styles, Dani can feel the sense of camaraderie between them all extending to her. She finds out quickly that Jamie is fairly high up the pecking order, the third person to speak, giving a rundown of upcoming events in the queer, socialist, and communist circles. The political ideology is a bit of a surprise to Dani, who has always considered herself to be a progressive person - she’d never really stopped to consider the overlap between her political opinions and her sexuality, but it seems so obvious in hindsight, as she listens to Jamie give a rundown of a meeting she’d attended at the basement of the Crown and Anchor, a pub around the corner on Crowndale Road that allows small political gatherings in the basement. Dani’s interest is particularly piqued by the mention of an anarchist speech night that Jamie is planning on attending that Friday; she’s only ever heard the word in passing, but a lot of the group seem quite enthusiastic about it. It’s the same night as the book club she wants to go to, but she’ll check the timings with Jamie later, see if she can join up afterward. 

The formal part of the meeting passes quickly, a couple of other members sharing news and events from the past week, and a date is set for their next public gathering, Saturday afternoon outside Camden Lock Pier. Dani can feel two sets of eyes on her - Jamie’s, who are warm, curious, and Viola’s, who are quite the opposite. She tries to hold her focus on whoever is talking at the time, all too aware that she’s blushing under the weight of Jamie’s gaze.

The last half an hour seems to be more of a social call, people stacking chairs back in the corner and catching up with those that hadn’t made it until the official meeting began. Dani chats with Kate again for a bit longer, learns that she’s an aunt to four, her sisters’ daughters, that she lives up in Chalk Farm, that Jamie had actually been the one to design and help get her garden started. It fills Dani with a strange kind of warmth, knowing that Jamie has a community here that she’s built herself into - she feels it even more when Jamie produces a packet of pansy seeds for Kate, giving her a couple of instructions. 

The pair linger until the meeting dies down, and Dani has managed to at least say a quick hello to everyone, promising to come back next week. She likes the group, still feels like she’s reeling a little from the amount of political information, but Dani’s always been a quick learner, and she makes a note to stop by the library to see if she can find any titles on the ideologies that seem to be popular. It’s getting to half past ten by the time they say their goodbyes - Jamie, fortunately, takes Thursdays off, and Dani appreciates the lack of a deadline, happy that she’s been able to take her time in the experience. They shrug their coats on, not wanting to brave the March chill just yet, and Dani almost melts into the floor as Jamie gently touches the small of her back as they exit through the main door, feeling her heart practically jump out of her throat at the contact.

“So, Poppins, had fun?”

Dani smiles, hearing a note of genuine concern in Jamie’s voice. “Yeah, I’m glad I came. Everyone seemed nice, it was interesting. I’d like to come on Friday, to that anarchist meeting, if that’d be okay?”

“Look at you, Dani, a revolutionary already,” Jamie says teasingly, bumping Dani’s shoulder with her own. “Yeah, of course, I’ll save you a seat if you’re still going to that book group. Kick off is officially at nine, but it usually runs late.”

“Oh, that’s perfect. I’ll be at the library until nine, but I walk fast.”

“Cool. Have a gin waiting for you. I’m glad you’re coming, usually it’s me, Kate, and Viola, and that’s about as interesting as you’d think.”

Dani senses an opportunity. “What’s up with Viola? She seemed to hate me already, even though she doesn’t know me.”

Jamie stuffs her hands in her pockets, awkwardly, the first time Dani has seen her in that light. “She’s, uh, my ex-girlfriend. And it didn’t end very well.”

Dani is _not_ prepared for the flash of jealousy that suddenly tears through her. She feels too hot and too cold at the same time, and her heart gives a heavy thud. She tries to tell herself it doesn’t matter, that whatever it was is very clearly over now, but _God_ , she _hates_ that Viola has known Jamie longer. That Viola was free to do everything Dani wants to, and more, probably. That Jamie had poured all the love she gives her plants into Viola, at some point. It doesn’t matter how irrational her thoughts are; she _hates_ it, just about managing to muster up a curious _oh?_ as they walk.

“Yeah. Emphasis on the ‘ex’. We weren’t...good. Not a good match. The sex was great-” Dani tries not to choke on air at that, “-but beyond that, we didn’t work. Viola’s a lot to handle. She was my first girlfriend, and I was still figuring a lot of shit out. Plus, I was young, nineteen, she was twenty four, and she was so confident - she didn’t take advantage of me, not really, but she wasn’t really the ideal introduction to it all. Eventually it just got a bit much, she got a bit too controlling, a bit too, I dunno, overbearing. Wanted to know where I’d been, who I’d been with, why I was back late, all that. I ended it, what, two years ago now? Year and a half? Don’t think her pride ever really got over it.”

Dani thinks back to Viola scowling at them, and it finally makes sense. “Seems like it. Is she still stuck on you?”

Jamie shrugs. “Maybe. Doubt it. Think she’s just angry that I humiliated her, and word travels fast in the Camden circles, so everyone knew by the next meeting. I nearly stopped coming, but didn’t want to give her the pleasure.”

“Sounds rough.”

“Yeah, it was. I don’t really like talking about the past - different time, different person, all that. But I wasn’t doing very well in myself, going through an angry phase, all that. If I met her now, I don’t think I’d have looked twice. But, at the time, it felt like another rebellion, y’know? Some other way to make myself feel, I dunno, cool.”

Dani nods thoughtfully. She’d never exactly had a rebellious phase - though, in Iowa, turning up to Sunday service in jeans had been enough to make her great-aunt physically gasp - but she understands Jamie’s need to fill that gap. “That’s part of why I got with Eddie, I think,” she shares. “We’d been friends our whole lives and it just seemed obvious, you know? Always felt like something was a bit wrong, a bit different about me, but it made me feel like I could at least pretend it wasn’t.” 

Jamie turns her head to look Dani in the eye. “Yeah,” she says softly, her gaze intensifying as they reach the end of Lyme Street. “Yeah, that’s exactly it. I felt the same.”

They walk to the house in heavy, comfortable silence, the weight of their shared experience giving a sense of camaraderie. At some point along the way, Jamie links their hands again.

*

Dani leaves the library at five minutes to nine, a borrowed copy of _Anne of Green Gables_ in her bag, and a hurried spring in her step. The book group was a welcoming space, one she’d enjoyed, and three members work at schools in the area, so she’d passed along her contact details and hoped for the best. She’s the youngest attendant by quite a few years, but it doesn’t matter in the slightest once they’re all talking. 

Literature has always been one of the great loves of her life, and she hasn’t been able to have a proper group discussion since University. The session had covered all the bases; she’d introduced herself and her favourite book, talking about why she relates to Alice so much, and then the group had moved on to discussion of the previous weeks book. In that case, it had been Michael Crichton’s _The Andromeda Strain,_ a title Dani is unfamiliar with, but had enjoyed conversation about regardless. At the end of each session is a group vote, with three options for the week ahead, and she’s glad _Anne_ has won, it’s lingered on her to-read list for far too long.

But she can think about all that later. Right now, as she hurries down to Crowndale Road, the only thing on her mind is Jamie. And, unfortunately, Viola. 

She briefly wonders if the stern woman would elect not to go, if by some miracle she’d miss it out, letting Dani enjoy her night with Jamie and explore a new ideology in comfort. Somehow, though, as she dodges out of the way of other people on the pavement, she doubts she’ll get so lucky.

The Crown and Anchor is easy enough to find, a tall, Georgian-brick building at the intersection of the roads. A couple of patrons are smoking outside, and the main floor is busy as Dani pushes her way through, looking for an entrance down to the basement. She can’t seem to find one, and goes to ask a bartender - to her delight, a head of brown curls is already there, calling an order across the noisy bar. 

“Jamie!”

Jamie’s head whips around, and the smile she breaks into when she sees Dani makes Dani feel like she’s going to throw up and die right there and then. “Hey! Hey, you made it. Just ordering, what do you want?”

“Gin please!” Dani says loudly, finally moving through the final crowd to get to Jamie. If she wasn’t already excited enough, Jamie decides to greet her with a squeeze to her arm and a kiss on her cheek, her lips ever so slightly closer to Dani’s than could be deemed strictly necessary. Dani closes her eyes as she does, using every ounce of willpower she has left not to sigh at the contact, forcing a smile to mask her look of astonishment lest she make Jamie uncomfortable. 

“They’re running behind, as ever. Should start about half past, but we’ll head down when the drinks are done, it’s quieter down there.”

Dani nods as the bartender hands Jamie a pint and a gin and tonic, the latter of which Dani accepts gratefully. Jamie nods towards the far corner of the room, where Dani can just about see the staircase. The pub is getting busier and busier, and she subconsciously grabs Jamie’s hand as they fight through the dance floor, trying not to spill anything as they go. 

They make their way down the stairs and into the basement. Jamie doesn’t let go of her.

Dani’s not a particularly religious person, but she thanks whichever God is up there listening for her luck this evening. 

Her face lifts into another genuine smile as she spots Kate across the room, waving them over to a huddle of chairs around a small table. The two of them walk over, exchanging hellos, and Dani tries not to be too disappointed when Jamie disentangles their hands to sit down. Kate asks Dani how her book group went, nodding enthusiastically at the details Dani provides, and Dani can once again feel Jamie’s eyes on her, their knees brushing under the small, round table. It’s only as she finishes telling Kate about the _Andromeda Strain_ discussion that she notices Viola sitting across the room from them, watching Dani with the same piercing gaze she was on Wednesday. Dani ignores her, focuses back on the conversation, and learns that Kate is an author herself, having published a couple of non-fiction books on the intersectionality of queer theory and the punk scene, making a note of them to keep an eye out for. 

Kate excuses herself to go upstairs for another drink, leaving Dani and Jamie alone for a short while. “You’re stupidly interesting to listen to,” Jamie says, after a momentary silence. “Can see why you’re a teacher. Lucky kids.”

Dani smiles at her, letting the compliment settle. “It’s the only thing I ever really knew a lot about, you know? Books were my everything. There’s so many types, so many stories, that you never really stop learning about them. You can’t. Every one of them is different. It’s fascinating, like some kind of evolution.” 

Jamie opens her mouth with an alluring look on her face, but whatever she was about to say is interrupted by Viola’s sudden arrival at their table. “Good evening, ladies.”

“Viola,” Jamie starts, an icy tone creeping in that Dani hasn’t heard before. “Good to see you.”

“You as well. See you’ve brought your new floozy along.”

“Excuse me?” Dani says, at the exact same time Jamie replies with “piss off” - any other time she’d find that a fairly amusing summary of their characters, but Viola’s insult has caught her completely off-guard. 

“I’d be careful of this one, Dani. You know what they say, all roses have thorns.”

Dani is about to retort when Kate appears back at the table. Her mere presence is enough to make Viola straighten up a little, adjusting her jacket. “See you all on Wednesday,” she says coolly, walking determinedly upstairs to the bar, heels clicking. Dani is still reeling, not so much affected by her words as she is the unexpected nature of the whole exchange. Jamie’s face is dark, and Kate reaches a hand across the table, instinctively seeming to pick up on the events of the past few minutes. “If you need some space, I know some other friends here, and I can catch you up on Wednesday. Don’t feel bad, Michael and Scott said they’d be here soon as well, so I won’t be on my own.”

Jamie remains silent, thinking, and Dani takes the lead. “I think we’ll take you up on that, if you’re sure you’ll be okay. Might stick our heads back in later.”

Kate offers a warm, easy smile, and Dani knows instinctively that all her reassurances were genuine. “Go. A walk by the canal does wonders to clear the head. The anarchists will still be here next week. It’s the one regulation we’re consistent about.”

Even Jamie smiles at this, still somewhat in her reverie, but rejoining the group enough to gather her things, offering Kate an apology as they hug goodbye. Kate whispers something into her ear that Dani can’t quite make out, and they’re heading upstairs, mercifully managing to avoid Viola as they make their way to the door. 

“Sorry,” Jamie says, finally, as they get outside. “Not usually one to back down over a couple of poxy sentences. Just didn’t think she’d be like that with you, _fuck,_ Dani, I’m sorry.”

Dani looks at Jamie fumbling to light her cigarette, and steps close to her, gently taking the lighter from Jamie’s hands and holding her own just under Jamie’s chin to steady the cigarette. She lights it easily, tucking the lighter into Jamie’s breast pocket, and can’t help but notice the shiver that runs through Jamie as she does, wondering whether it’s the wind, or if, just maybe, Dani has a similar effect on Jamie as Jamie does on her. “It’s alright, really. Not your fault. Like Kate said, we can go next week, and we’ll know what to expect if she’s there.”

Jamie nods, exhaling a steady stream of smoke into the air. “If you’re sure. Still sorry, though.”

Dani smiles at her. “Come on, like Kate said, the canal is good to clear the head. You can talk about Viola, or we can chat books, or whatever you want.”

Another exhale of smoke, and Jamie nods, stepping forward in stride with Dani as they wander towards the water. 

*

The pier is empty, save for a couple of stragglers from the market food stalls, and they find a bench on the jetty, nothing but the glittering expanse of the Grand Union Canal in front of them. It looks cleaner at night, the moonlight giving it a deep navy glint, and the twinkling house lights across the water feel like a film scene. The night is clear - the stars aren’t visible in this part of the city, but the moon shines brightly down on them, the tourist boats gone, leaving the gentle lapping of waves as the only backdrop. 

They haven’t spoken yet, but Dani wants to freeze this moment forever. Remember the beautiful sight in front of her and the soft warmth of Jamie by her side, their thighs pressed together in a truly unnecessary action for a bench that could comfortably seat four. It’s beautiful.

Jamie is the first to break the silence, lighting up a second cigarette, offering one to Dani, who accepts. “I hope you’re not worried by Viola, about what she said about being careful. Fuck, I’m making a mess of this. I just don’t want her to be a problem.”

“She’s not,” Dani replies confidently, turning to look at Jamie. The other woman is truly a sight to behold, the soft moonlight illuminating the side of her face as she looks out over the water, curls wildly all over the place. Brown eyes reflect the light in front of them, the breeze filtering through her hair, and Dani feels a tightness in her chest, her stomach, some ever-present desire to reach out and kiss Jamie until she sees the stars that the London fog hides from them. Jamie turns to look at her, seeming to falter ever so slightly in the intensity of Dani’s gaze.

“I said before that I don’t really like talking about the past. I don’t. What’s done is done, can’t change it. But there’s some...things about me that I don’t want you to hear from anyone else.”

Dani refuses to let Jamie see even a fraction of doubt in her. “Go on.”

Jamie takes a deep puff of her cigarette, exhaling loudly. “There’s three things you need to know about me, Dani. First of all is that I haven’t had a great start. Got arrested at seventeen, spent two years in Her Majesty’s custody, tried to nick some old bloke’s watch to sell, and he wasn’t best pleased about it.”

Dani nods. “Keep going.”

“Second, I’ve worked really, _really_ fucking hard to get past that. Started gardening inside, learned what I could, took jobs as soon as possible. Joined Gay Lib, went to night classes, eventually got my secondary school qualifications. Wrote, a little bit, just for the queer publications in the area. Point is, I’ve really tried, y’know?”

“That’s what matters, Jamie. _That’s_ what defines you, not what you did as a teenager. I promise.”

Jamie flashes her a weak smile. “Appreciate that, Poppins.”

“What’s the third thing?”

Jamie flicks her cigarette down, stamping it out with her shoe, a little more aggressively than necessary. “I didn’t really want to tell you, just yet. Didn’t know if it was too soon, or if you were into it. Into me.”

Dani’s eyes are widening. 

“I really, _really_ like you, Poppins. And I don’t do that, normally, not since Viola. But here you are. And I can’t stop thinking about you, Dani, I want to know _everything_. But I don’t know if I want that for you. People exhaust me, I’m difficult when I want to be, Viola said it herself, roses and thorns and all that. And you’re so-“

Dani doesn’t let her finish.

She cuts Jamie off mid-sentence with a fierce, all-consuming kiss, turning her whole body towards Jamie, reaching for her waist as she does. Jamie is initially surprised, breaks away just long enough to mutter a _you sure?,_ and Dani doesn’t hesitate for a second to swoop back in, capturing her lips with her own and deepening the kiss, letting her tongue flick against Jamie’s as she draws her closer. She feels a hand come up to thread through her hair, cupping the back of her head, and she can’t help but smile into the kiss as Jamie’s other hand comes to cradle her cheek, a thumb stroking tenderly over her cheekbone as she does. 

All of eternity seems to fit into that moment, with nobody but the moon to bear witness to them. When they eventually break apart for breath, neither moves, letting their foreheads rest together, eyes still closed as they let themselves drink in each other’s presence. Dani is struggling to process everything, just knowing above all else that she feels good, safe, _hopeful_. Jamie seems to be thinking the same, thumb still caressing Dani’s cheekbone as they breathe together, taking the pause to simply be in each other’s company as the lights twinkle on in the reflections of the river. Dani leans back in for a short, gentle brush of her lips on Jamie’s, the passion and heat of the moment giving way to something more, some mingling of souls in the cool March night. 

Somewhere, the hidden stars shine on, and the moon bathes them in light. 

There is warmth. There is _peace._

Dani holds Jamie closer, and thanks the universe for the gift it’s given her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told you this wasn’t a slow burn. x


	4. just like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was going to wait until tomorrow to post this but ao3 shoved yesterday’s chapter right to the bottom of the update list and i don’t know how many of you saw it, so this is a little bump. plus, i’m impatient.
> 
> wasn’t sure if i liked this chapter or not so i’ve added some gratuitous slightly filthy smut, so if you’re not feeling the rest of the chapter then consider that an apology. xo

Twelve days.

It’s been twelve days since she met Jamie. Twelve days since she hopped off the train and walked past that park protest.

Twelve days, and yet, as she’s kissing Jamie in the moonlight, she feels like she’s been waiting her entire damn life for this.

Jamie looks at her, searching for something, as they finally separate. “Guess that answers that, then,” she says lowly, hand still tangled in Dani’s hair, her other dropping down to take hold of Dani’s. “Kate told me I didn’t have anything to worry about, earlier, but, wow.”

Dani feels her smile widen. Somewhere in the distance she hears a clock chime eleven times. “We should probably head back, Hannah will worry,” she murmurs, reluctant to leave their riverside hideaway. Jamie looks equally disappointed, but nods, leaning in to kiss Dani one long, last time before they stand. Dani grabs for Jamie’s hand, clasping it tightly as they set off.

“God, I hate to ask this like...now, but uh, just so I know, are we...a thing now?”

Jamie laughs. “Blimey, Dani, not one to hang about.”

Dani smiles, but remains insistent. “I’m just thinking about Owen and Hannah. And the meetings.”

They stop, Jamie tugging on her hand. “I don’t want to put any pressure on you,” she begins. “And as I said, I don’t exactly...do this. More of a one-night girl. So can we just take it slow? Keep it to ourselves at home, just for now. One day at a time, y’know.”

“Yeah, no, of course. One day at a time.”

Dani shoves down the minor pang of disappointment. Jamie’s right. Has _just_ told her that she’s not a people person, and Dani knows she’s getting ahead of herself. “Sorry,” she says quietly, trying to ignore the rush of guilt heating up the back of her head, averting her eyes from Jamie’s gaze and moving to keep walking, not wanting to create an atmosphere.

“Hey, Dani. Look at me.”

She does.

Jamie moves closer, dropping her hand and moving her own back up to cradle Dani’s cheek, running a thumb over her cheekbone as she had done earlier. “You don’t have to apologise. I like you, I really do. I’m not saying any of this because I’m trying to get rid of you, okay? I just don’t want to suddenly broadcast a label out on day one. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you, or that you’re being too intense, yeah?”

Dani marvels at how even in her near-silence, Jamie has managed to pick up on and assure quite literally every doubt she’d had. Her emotions scare even her sometimes with their quiet intensity, the way she reacts and flares to almost everything in the world - ‘intense’ is a word she’s heard in a multitude of negative contexts about herself before. She hadn’t realised just how much the simple reassurance can do.

“Yeah. Okay. Thank you,” she says, and Jamie grins at her, taking her hand again and lacing their fingers as they turn on to Lyme Street.

Jamie leaves her at the top of the stairs with a gentle kiss and a “see you tomorrow, Poppins,” and Dani heads into her own room with a grin, settling under her duvet with a happy sigh.

*

She wakes in a crashing wave of anxiety.

From the moment her eyes open there’s a twisting knot in her stomach, so violent she doesn’t move for fear of being sick. Her eyes squeeze shut as she tries to pinpoint exactly what’s causing it - the list of reasons unfortunately longer than she’d like, her brain apparently working overtime. _Unemployment. Viola. Jamie. Housemates. Telling the housemates. Not being official. Too soon. No money. New city, still. Lesbianism in the current climate. Room’s too cold. Left window open?_

Dani lets out a deep, heavy sigh as she burrows back down under the duvet, taking hold of her spare pillow and clutching it to her chest. She squints at the clock over to the other side of the room, seeing it’s coming up to ten, trying to remember the schedules of the others in the house. Owen will be at the restaurant. Hannah is usually out on Saturdays, catching up on work. Jamie, she’s not sure - her work days are so unpredictable that it depends on the specific project she’s working on. Dani’s torn between two minds - she wants to see Jamie, she always wants to see Jamie, and especially after last night. But anxiety makes her tetchy, reclusive, makes her want to burrow under her duvet and block out the world until the voices in her head stop screeching at her. She’s not sure she quite wants to share that side of her with the group just yet.

She lets herself lie in the dark for a couple of hours, trying and failing to push her concern out of her mind. The curtains remain drawn from last night, a small sliver of light just about peeking through. She just about manages to sleep for a bit of it, curling into herself as she hears a gentle knock at the door. 

“Dani?”

She squeezes her eyes shut, wondering if she can just remain silent, wanting to see Jamie but not feeling up to human conversation. 

“Dani, I’m going to come in, but I don’t have to stay. I just want to check you’re okay.”

The door opens and softly closes again, and Dani forces herself to turn over, looking up at a concerned-looking Jamie. “Hey. Sorry. Bad day.”

Jamie nods, setting the cup of tea she’s holding on Dani’s bedside table. “Want me to stay?”

Dani nods, despite her worries. “I’m not good company, but that’d be nice.”

She shuffles slightly as Jamie sits on the bed, swinging her legs around to sit up against the headboard. “Do you want to talk? Is it about me, y’know, yesterday?”

Dani sits up, shaking her head and shuffling to sit back so that her side is pressed against Jamie’s. “No, God, no. Yesterday was great. Last night was _great._ Sorry. I just get a bit, I don’t know. In my head? Sometimes.”

“That’s okay. You can talk to me, if you want. About what’s weighing on you. I’m a good listener.”

“I don’t even really know,” Dani begins, looking ahead. “I just wake up, and I’m _scared._ About all of it. Finding a job, running out of money. You, what happens next, telling people, or not telling people. Viola, a bit. Not scared, exactly. Just...nervous about it all. Anxious.”

Jamie bites her lip, thinking. “Look, Dani, if this one day at a time isn’t going to work for you-“

“It is, Jamie.”

“If it’s making you wake up feeling so stuck in your head that you’re lying in the dark at half past one then _no,_ Dani, it isn’t. But let me finish. If it isn’t going to work for you, then let’s talk about something else. There’s a lot of descriptions between _friends_ and, you know, the _other thing._ I didn’t want to put any pressure on, but if not being clear, or avoiding any kind of certainty is going to make things hard for you, then let’s find some.”

“How?”

Jamie smiles, taking Dani’s hand and entwining their fingers together. “Let’s call us, I don’t know, _companions_. Two people enjoying each other’s company more than just platonically, wherever that leads.”

“Companions is good.”

“And how about we start like the rest of the world does? A proper date, just us, planned out. I’ve got today off, if you’re feeling up to it, take your mind off things.”

Dani mulls the offer over, assessing how she feels. The gentle pull of a dark room and a duvet is tempting, but so is Jamie. Jamie isn’t going to cure her anxiety in one fell swoop, but she’s right, going out might take her mind off of the rest of it. And she has the reassurance of knowing that Jamie would turn back around and take them home in a heartbeat, that she could change her mind at the end of the garden path and Jamie wouldn’t think twice. 

“Okay.”

Jamie grins at her, leaning across to press a kiss to her head. “Okay. Anywhere you like the look of, or shall I choose?”

“I was thinking about Kew Gardens, in Richmond, the other day. About going with you, if you want.”

“Reckon I’d be up for that,” Jamie says lightly, giving Dani’s hand a squeeze. “Tell you what, we’ve got the light until what, six? Take some time to get dressed and drink your tea, and I’ll be down in the kitchen when you’re ready. We’ll try and get to the tube for two, and should be there by quarter to three, that’ll give us plenty of time. I’ll charm your socks off with all my knowledge-“ Dani feels her chest lightening by the second, “-and then we’ll get dinner, wherever you want, and have the rest of the night in, throw a record or two on. Sound good?”

Dani nods, a smile hitting her face for the first time that day. “Sounds good.”

*

Kew is _massive_.

It’s surprisingly empty, most likely down to the season. They start inside, Jamie taking her through the Palm House, a huge glass house with an iron structure, full to the brim of tropical palms and other plants. Jamie admits this isn’t her strong point of knowledge, but Dani is fascinated, a little nervous of the thin spiral staircase, but _God_ , walking among the treetops with Jamie’s hand in hers is so, _so_ worth it. It’s only them and another couple in the whole greenhouse, both keeping to themselves as they explore. They leave the Palm House for the Waterlily Garden, then turning back around to go to Temperate House, the second large Victorian glass building, home to ten thousand different plant species, and Jamie takes them through each of the five raised pavilions, talking about the history of each large specimen, how groups of flowers and trees grow from each other. 

Jamie tells her about the moonflower, her favourite, showing Dani the unfolded blooms, not ready to face the day yet. Tells Dani what they look like in the moonlight, the mortality of each individual bud, and when she trails off, looking thoughtfully up at the plant, Dani takes her shoulders, turns Jamie to face her, and kisses her, gently, glad for the emptiness of the greenhouse as she places her hands on Jamie’s waist. 

They exist in that moment, just the two of them, the ever-so-soft rustle of leaves surrounding them. Jamie grins at her when they separate, tucking a strand of loose hair behind Dani’s ear, tracing down her jawline. “C’mon,” she says softly. “Much to see.”

True to her word, there’s a lot more on the itinerary. The Japanese Great Pagoda towers over the southwest corner, closed to the public until April, but just as breathtaking from the outside as Dani is sure it is from the inside. They see the Japanese Gateway, get slightly lost in the Woodland Glade, muddling out somewhere in the Redwood Grove, laughing as Jamie trips and impales the map on a tree branch. The tension has drained from Dani’s shoulders, her anxious thoughts lingering more as a whisper than a shout, drowned out by Jamie, and the nature around them, the fresh air, and the word _companions._

Jamie’s face erupts into a grin as she gasps, pointing at a couple of peacocks with their feathers extended, wandering slowly by the waterlily pond. They’re beautiful, and Dani takes the stillness to slip an arm around Jamie’s waist, smiling as she feels the gesture returned. 

They laugh their way through the Woodland Walk, a set of raised logs, tyres, rocks, and benches, definitely aimed at children, but that’s not going to stop them. Jamie goes first, extending a hand to help Dani up, and away they go, stepping and leaping from step to step. The wind is in Dani’s hair, Jamie wobbling somewhat alarmingly in front of her, and she’s amazed at just how much fun she’s having. Halfway around Jamie stops to assess the next steps, and Dani collides into her, almost knocking them both flying had it not been for Jamie’s quick reaction in grabbing hold of a nearby branch. Dani laughs so hard she feels her face aching, clinging on to Jamie and resting her face between her shoulder blades. 

By the time they make it to the Rhododendron Dell, several hours have passed, and Dani’s stomach is grumbling. The restaurant is closing soon, but Jamie very vaguely knows the area, remembers an Italian restaurant about a ten minute walk from the station. Her legs are _killing_ her, but all it takes is Jamie’s hand in hers, and she could cross the Sahara without thinking twice. 

The place Jamie leads them to is small and rustic, but has a real charm to it - the stereotype of a small, family-run business. They get a bottle of chardonnay to split between them, and clink their glasses in testament to their first official date. 

“Can I ask how you’re feeling, or would you rather not think about it?”

“Better,” Dani says confidently. “Much better. I’ve had a really good day.”

“Good,” Jamie replies. “I’ve not had much anxiety, but I’m not a stranger to the odd depressive phase. Can’t always get yourself outside, I know, but when you can, I find it helps. It’s why I started gardening, mainly. Got me out of bed, let me see results, rather than just the same, day in, day out.”

Dani nods, sensing Jamie isn’t quite done, taking a sip of her wine and reaching across the table to cover Jamie’s hand in her own while they wait. 

“I think that’s what helped, that seeing results. I got so in my own head that everything just felt kind of pointless, y’know? But knowing something was growing because of me, that it relied on me, it gave me a routine, something to look forward to. I’m not saying it’s the same for you, I’m really not. Just that, maybe, if you wanted to help with my garden mornings, you can. Don’t expect you to leap out of bed feeling amazing as a result. Just might be helpful, and I’d like having you around.”

Dani, to her surprise, feels tears pricking at her eyes. Jamie is so _thoughtful_ , so considerate, but not just of her emotions - she’s also making provisions for if it _doesn’t_ work, gently letting Dani know that she’s not a cure, but an option. Dani squeezes her hand tightly, smiling widely at the idea of something to try. Successful or not, it’s worth trying, and the few times she’s sat on the patio watching have been a refreshing start to the day.

“I’d like that. A lot, if you’re sure you don’t mind.”

“Course I don’t. And hey, if you need to crawl right back into bed after, that’s fine too. No pressure, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dani says, as the arrival of their food forces her to let go of Jamie’s hand. They’ve both opted for pasta, and Dani is in heaven, her tagliatelle hitting just the spot. “Look at me, I’ve barely asked about your day. Anything to report?”

Jamie has a mouthful of gnocchi, and nods as she swallows. “I, uh, applied for a writing job. Dunno if I’ll even hear back, but they wanted a political columnist, part-time, so I can still keep gardening.”

“Jamie, that’s _so_ exciting! What’s the newspaper?”

“Gay News. Bit on the nose, but they’re trying to start up around summer this year. Won’t actually be starting any time soon, but they’re trying to get a team together to do all the official stuff in the run up, so I’ll have a couple of meetings a week to figure out the logistics. If I get it.”

“Of course you will,” Dani says confidently. “They’d be stupid not to take you.” 

Jamie grins at her, and takes another bite of pasta. 

*

It’s late when they get back, thanks to a diversion caused by a couple of cocktail bars on the way home. Dani had insisted they get the tube back and walk the long way along the canal, adding an extra ten minutes for no good reason other than wanting to hold Jamie’s hand by the water for a bit longer. She swings their arms back and forth as they walk, talking enthusiastically about her degree at Jamie’s request, describing her modules on contemporary European literature, one on the concept of the ‘mad woman in the attic’ in classic English novels, feminism in Wuthering Heights, all kinds of topics that had allowed her to explore all her favourite areas of literature. Her favourite beyond doubt had been a comparative essay on Lady Macbeth and Miss Havisham, Jamie asking questions on their similarities and differences as she talks animatedly. By the time they reach Lyme Street she’s only half finished, thought after thought racing through her head as she talks. 

Jamie shushes her with a giggle as they unlock the door, making their way into the kitchen for a bottle of wine to take upstairs, both women suitably tipsy as they try (and fail) to make their way silently upstairs. They crash into Jamie’s room, Dani with her hands holding Jamie’s waist from behind as she bites her lip, kicking the door shut behind them. The wine is quickly dropped on the bed as she spins Jamie around, kissing her playfully as she backs Jamie until her knees hit the mattress, falling and taking Dani with her, who braces herself on one knee, hooking the others Jamie’s thighs to straddle her properly. Her hand toys at the bottom of Jamie’s t-shirt, thumb brushing the skin beneath, and Jamie breaks their kiss just long enough to whisper _God, please, whatever you want,_ which is enough to send Dani reeling, the mixture of lust and alcohol fuelling her. 

Jamie’s shirt is quickly torn off, and Dani is _thrilled_ to find her braless underneath, trailing her lips down Jamie’s jawline and neck until she reaches her breasts, taking one taut nipple into her mouth as her hand comes up to the other. Jamie lets out a moan that Dani reckons could get her off by sound alone. She’s not exactly sure what she’s doing, following the lines of what she knows she’d like, and it seems to be working. 

Jamie pushes at her shoulder lightly, and Dani panics that she’s done something wrong, until Jamie’s hands are at the bottom of her own shirt, lifting it up and throwing it elsewhere with abandon. The button of Dani’s jeans is next, a combination of Jamie pulling them down and Dani kicking them off with her shoes and socks until she’s standing in just her underwear, leaning back in to kiss Jamie fiercely and deeply. Jamie’s hands loop around her back to unhook her bra, and Dani offers no resistance, moving her arms up for Jamie to slide it down, throwing it in the vague direction of the rest of her clothes. 

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.”

The rest of Jamie’s clothes are gone quickly, Dani pushing her back down on the bed the identical second they are, her nerves vanishing by the second as Jamie continues her affirmative responses. She trails a hand down to her underwear, sliding past the waistband to dip her fingers into wet heat, feeling an aching tug at Jamie’s guttural moan. Jamie is _so_ wet, she slides a finger in with zero resistance, and Jamie arches up into her, Dani leaning to kiss her as she curls a finger. “Tell me what feels good,” she says, and Jamie nods, eyes closing as Dani adds a second finger, somewhat awkwardly searching for her clit and gently rubbing with her thumb when she does. Sex with Jamie is both a million times more intense and a million times more instinctive than she’d imagined - her only prior experience was Eddie, which usually resulted in her lying back and faking a few moans until he was done and she could have a very hot shower. 

This is so, _so_ different. 

Every single part of her feels like it’s on _fire_ , every point of connection with Jamie setting her ablaze. She can feel Jamie getting close, a somewhat strangled demand of _more, Dani, please,_ encouraging her to add a third finger, feeling the delicious stretch of Jamie around her as she speeds up as best she can. Her hand is cramping, her arm aching, but nothing in the world is going to stop her now, not when Jamie is looking like this. Head thrown back, one hand clutching the headboard above her, hair fanned wildly around her as she bites her lip, eyes closed as a low whine escapes her. Her hips are thrusting up in time with Dani’s fingers, other hand bunched in the duvet, and Dani feels herself grinding down on Jamie’s leg, her arousal too strong to ignore. 

Seconds pass before Jamie is gasping out her pleasure, her entire body arching up as Dani fucks her through her orgasm, keeping an unrelenting pace until she’s confident she’s got every second of pleasure out of Jamie.

“Jesus fucking _Christ,_ Poppins.”

Dani grins down at her as she removes her fingers, sucking them clean one by one as she meets Jamie’s eyes. Jamie looks like she’s going to faint at the display, her hands coming to rest on Dani’s hips, thumbs hooking under the waistband of her underwear. “You,” Jamie murmurs, encouraging Dani to lift herself up just enough to toss her knickers to one side. “You, Dani, are truly something else.”

Dani, suddenly emboldened by the experience, trails her still-wet hand between Jamie’s breasts. “Actions speak louder, you know,” she says, and Jamie practically _growls_ as she sits up, flipping them over and kissing Dani fiercely. Dani feels fingernails scratch gently down her thighs and up to her waist as Jamie licks into her mouth, feeling tingles of arousal shooting through her every nerve. Jamie bites her lower lip, snagging it between her teeth, and Dani whines loudly, the sound seeming to spur the other woman on. Jamie flips her over onto her stomach and trails her nails down over Dani’s back, noting the shiver and moan of approval as she digs them in ever-so-slightly. _Oh,_ Dani thinks. _This is new._

She bites down into the pillow as Jamie presses an open-mouth kiss between her shoulder blades, her nails almost definitely leaving marks by this point. Jamie trails lower, pressing kisses to the small of her back, and disappears for a second. Dani is about to turn around to express her disapproval, when she feels Jamie’s teeth sink into her ass, a strong pair of hands on her thighs to encourage her to kneel on all fours. She lets out a strangled whine at the sensation, teeth replaced by a soft tongue, a soothing kiss, and Jamie repeats the action again and again, marking her as Dani groans. It’s the hottest thing she’s ever _imagined_ happening to her, and Jamie leans back, giving her ass a light smack as she goes lower. 

Jamie’s tongue licks up her sex as Dani pushes herself back, feeling Jamie teasing her cunt from behind. Jamie dips lower to circle her clit, sucking lightly, and Dani’s arms buckle beneath her, lowering herself down onto the pillow with another whine. She doesn’t need to look at Jamie to know the exact grin currently gracing her face, especially at the loud moan Dani lets out as Jamie slides two fingers in, giving her ass another light slap. The mixture of mild sting and intense pleasure is _delightful,_ and Dani can’t believe how _alive_ she feels. 

It doesn’t take long for her orgasm to build. Jamie leans as far forward as she can, whispers a _you’re so beautiful, Dani, so, so good, all for me,_ and she comes apart spectacularly at her words, biting down on the pillow with a long, loud gasp and a whine as Jamie refuses to let up. She collapses properly, and feels Jamie leaning in, hot breath tickling her ear. 

“Know what the best part about this is?”

“Mm?”

“We don’t have to stop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m such a vanilla person but i feel like these two can get fucking dirty with it when they want to. open apology to victoria and amelia who i hope to god herself never, ever come across this, because if they do i will simply have to die. but it’s fun to write, so, enjoy.


	5. red, orange, green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gooverly, i don’t know if this is quite what you had in mind as i’m still a bit new to smut, but i’ve done my best to rough them up a bit. we got as far as a traffic light system and some light(ish) bdsm (with appropriate and detailed aftercare) so if everyone hates it, it’s your fault. much love xox 
> 
> SEE I DO TAKE PROMPTS sometimes. third paragraph if you’d rather skip the smut. but just know that you will be judged. 
> 
> also sorry for delay, as the kids say, i am straight-up not having a good time rn. but eeep almost at 150 comments which is mad!! thank you all so much, i love them so much and they truly are the most motivating things in the world. here’s 5k words of fluff as an incentive to keep going. you’re welcome

“So, Miss Clayton, do you have any final questions for me?”

Dani smiles brightly. “I did just want to ask about the possibility of running any kind of extracurriculars should I get the role? I was the primary organiser of an art club and a reading club in my previous role, and would thoroughly enjoy bringing that to the table.”

Mr. Wingrave, a tall, stern man in his fifties, nods. “I don’t see why not. We’d have to negotiate further, but if you get the role - and I must say, Miss Clayton, so far you’ve proved an extraordinary candidate - I’d be happy for you to bring me a game plan, so to speak, and we’ll work something out.”

“That sounds great. Thank you so much for your time,”

“Not a problem. I’ll have an answer for you by the end of Monday.”

Dani stands to shake the man’s hand, smiling one last time as she heads out of the door. Her heart leaps when she sees Jamie leaning against the school gates, tea in one hand, and the second their eyes meet it leaps again as Jamie gives her a lopsided smile, pushing forward to meet her halfway. They have to be a bit careful in the school environment, but Jamie gives her a chaste kiss on the cheek, handing her the tea as they wander out of the playground.

“Feeling good, Poppins?”

Dani nods, taking a sip. “Really good. I won’t know until Monday, but he seemed pretty keen. I think I’ve got a good chance.”

“I know you do,” Jamie says simply, linking their hands once they’re out of sight of the school.

In the last three weeks, it feels like both everything and nothing has changed. Dani hasn’t slept in her own bed since the first time they had sex - and, well, the first time definitely had _not_ been the last. Jamie has taken particular delight in exploring Dani’s affinity for being praised in bed, and on more than one occasion Dani has had to physically bite her tongue to keep quiet enough to avoid Hannah and Owen hearing her. Their housemates are definitely cottoning on to something going on - Hannah has a very particular look that Dani is growing accustomed to, one she uses when Dani comes downstairs with very obvious make-out hair, or one time Jamie had wandered around the house in Dani’s jumper without thinking. Owen is making increasingly suggestive puns, and Dani’s fairly certain her and Jamie don’t count as a secret anymore. Nobody pushes it, though, for which she’s grateful. They still haven’t had the _girlfriend chat,_ but Dani has noticed a shift in Jamie. She’s more affectionate, more open, especially at the Gay Lib meetings, where she tends to sit close to Dani, hold her hand when they’re socialising.

So much has changed in Dani’s life, but nothing has ever felt easier.

She’s been helping Jamie with her newspaper interviews on top of her own job hunting, reading through endless columns and helping out where she can. Jamie’s intelligent, it’s obvious in her writing, and Dani handles any spelling or grammar mistakes. They’re a good team, and with Jamie’s final panel interview on Friday, Dani’s confident they’ll take her on.

Garden mornings have proved an absolute godsend in their uncertain employment attempts. She gets up when Jamie does, usually around half past six, and pads downstairs with her. Jamie trusts her with watering the outside plants while she does the inside ones, or gets some pruning or planting done. It’s an easy routine, and while Dani’s anxiety hasn’t exactly evaporated, the sense of consistency the mornings give her has definitely settled her mind down, at least for a few hours a day. She’s growing her own violets in one flowerbed, under Jamie’s guidance - previously she’d struggled with a cactus, but Jamie is with her this time, telling her exactly what the flowers need, exactly how much water to give them and when. She reckons these ones have a fighting chance of making it.

It feels good, nurturing something. Especially with Jamie by her side.

She’s drawn out of her reverie by Jamie leading them away from the route back to Lyme Street, heading into the centre of Camden instead. “Trust me,” is all she says to Dani’s quizzical look, and of course she does. There’s nobody in the world she trusts more.

Jamie steers them towards the market, glancing at her watch. “So, we’ve got a reservation somewhere. But it isn’t until six, so I thought we’d have a scout around first, get a couple of records, some of your favourites. Add ‘em to my pile. Then maybe some flower seeds, if the stall is still open? Up to you.”

Dani grins at her, squeezing her hand appreciatively. She’d been wondering why Jamie’s hair was pinned back, why she had a velvet shirt on instead of her usual band t-shirts - she’d expressed a couple of days ago wanting to explore the Camden nightlife a little more, and clearly Jamie had paid a little more attention than she’d thought. 

The market is familiar to her by now, and they wander down to one of several record stores, with the one in question being Jamie’s favourite. She tells Dani to come back with her two favourite records, no questions asked, and Dani immediately makes a beeline for Carole King, having noticed that _Tapestry_ was conspicuously absent from Jamie’s collection. The second one takes a little more thought, and she wanders the aisles, leaving Jamie to leaf through the secondhand classic rock section. Bowie’s _Space Oddity_ is her other favourite, but Jamie already has it. She spends her time looking through various soul and soft rock sections, before alighting on a copy of Dusty Springfield’s _Dusty in Memphis,_ handing them to Jamie, who shakes her head when Dani tries to offer her the money for them.

“Told you, Poppins. They’re technically for my collection, so you don’t owe me anything. Just want to add a little of you to it.”

Dani practically melts on the spot, biting her lip and suppressing a smile at Jamie’s words. Jamie grabs a couple of Led Zeppelin albums, and takes Dani’s hand again as they leave the store, heading outside and down by the canal to try and catch the flower seller. She’s just packing up for the day as they arrive, but, clearly having met Jamie before, gives them ten minutes to peruse. Dani decides she’d like to try and grow some pansies, and Jamie obliges, dropping a couple of coins into the hand of the stall owner and pocketing the packet of seeds. 

“Walk or tube? We’re only going down the road, but if your feet are aching then I don’t mind.”

Dani opts to walk, her shoes holding up surprisingly well, and Jamie takes them south, further towards Somers Town, talking Dani through the life cycle of pansies as they go. They come to a halt after about twenty minutes, and Dani vaguely recognises the area as being near Euston, one of the first roads she’d walked upon arriving in the city. Jamie checks her watch, leading Dani through the door of a small, cozy Japanese restaurant, all high ceilings and geometric lighting giving a warm, authentic atmosphere. Jamie says her name to the waitress, who leads them to their table, conveniently next to the bar. 

“Not sure if this is what you had in mind, but finding out the most exotic you’ve gone was Italian, well. Couldn’t let that carry on.”

“Jamie Taylor, connoisseur of culture.”

Jamie grins at her teasing tone. “You think I can live with Owen for three years and not get dragged to try the food of every country in the world?”

“Fair.”

They order sake and water, and Dani is pleasantly surprised by the sake, the savoury taste growing on her more with each sip. She spills a drop, sticking her tongue up to catch it, and the look Jamie gives her is enough to wonder if they’re even going to make it to dinner. Jamie has ordered for them, seeing Dani’s slightly overwhelmed look at the unfamiliar choices in front of her. Donburi for Dani, shiitake ramen for Jamie, and some karaage chicken to share between them. The smells coming from the kitchen are delicious, and she’s fairly sure whatever appears is going to be just as good.

*

By the end of their meal Dani knows for a fact that she’ll be dragging Jamie along on a second world food tour. Camden is bursting with all kinds of cuisines - she’s seen restaurants offering Thai, Vietnamese, Japanese, Indian, even one near the market claiming a Singaporean variety, and she can’t wait.

Jamie leads them to the tube station, but stops outside, turning to face Dani.

“I’ve got a third proposition for us, but if you’re too tired, or you want to get back, it’s totally your call.”

“Shoot.”

“Audience and some band called Queen are playing at the Marquee Club in Soho tonight. Doors at eight, mainly rock. I, uh, may have got us tickets. But we really don’t have to, I wanted it to be a surprise, but if it’s been a long day-“

Dani cuts her off by leaning over to grab her hand, running her thumb over soft knuckles. “Jamie. You’ve got surprise tickets to a gig, the first I’ll have ever been to, and you think I’m going to say no?”

Jamie smiles at her. “I dunno. Be a bit of a shit girlfriend if you collapsed with exhaustion half way through the opening act.”

_Girlfriend._

Jamie seems to realise what she’s said at the exact same time Dani does, her eyes widening, a contrast to her confident smirk. She opens her mouth to say something, backtrack, but Dani doesn’t give her the chance, grabbing her by the collar and pulling her into a deep kiss, grateful for the relative emptiness of Mornington Crescent station. She feels Jamie smiling into the kiss, their teeth colliding as she does the same, winding her arms around Jamie’s waist, pulling away and resting their foreheads together. 

“Well then, _girlfriend-_ “ Dani could jump for joy as Jamie repeats it, “we’ve got a gig to get to.”

Dani grins brighter than she thinks perhaps she ever has, searching Jamie’s face for any sign of regret and finding none. They head underground and slide into an empty car, and Dani feels Jamie’s arm around her waist, thumb playing gently at the band of her trousers. She’s not exactly dressed for a rock gig, still in her interview outfit of a cream blouse and high-waisted navy trousers, but it’ll do. She reaches up to let her hair down, fluffing it around her face, and Jamie presses a kiss to her temple as she does, whispering _you’re so beautiful, you know that, right,_ as she does. 

Soho is unfamiliar to Dani, the bright lights and hefty crowds a little overwhelming as they turn off of Shaftesbury Avenue. She eyes up the theatres as they go, catching sight of a poster for _No Sex Please We’re British_ at the Strand in the window of a pub on the way, the bright marquee lights dazzling in the April twilight. Jamie leads her through crowded streets, weaving around tourists, and Dani’s heart leaps into her throat at the sight of a rainbow flag in a window. Jamie squeezes her hand tightly. “More of a gay men’s scene, here, but it’s nice to see the support.”

Dani nods, feeling a pang in her heart for the strangers she shares a community with. She looks for just another moment, before they set off again. It’s fairly easy to spot the Marquee Club - there’s a line snaking out of the front, people dressed in a clash of bright colours and leather jackets, some groups and others by themselves, the smell of cigarette smoke heavy in the air. A buzz of excitement rushes through Dani at the sight. Her very first gig, her first _big_ one, not just local bands in cramped Cincinnati bars. She doesn’t know what to expect, and the thought only sets her nerves alight even more. 

The line shuffles along as the clock hits eight, and Jamie lights up a cigarette, which they end up passing back and forth between them. Dani feels _cool_ \- she’d always envied the girls in Cincinnati who made up the nightlife, the ones in heavy boots and blazers with pins through them, spiked up hair and an effortless punk glamour to them. She’s more than aware that at just over five feet tall in a teaching blouse she doesn’t quite have the same vibe, but standing in line with her girlfriend (her _girlfriend!)_ smoking and on her way to a crowded rock gig, she feels on top of the world. Younger Dani would have thought she was cool. _Jamie_ thinks she’s cool. They’re the only two opinions that matter to her. 

The Marquee Club is smaller than expected, a fairly typical basement setup with a raised stage. Jamie grabs them a couple of drinks from the bar, a pint for herself and some kind of sweet gin-based concoction for Dani, and they end up a couple of rows back from the front. Dani usually hates crowds, hates the feeling of being fenced in, but she leans into Jamie and allows her girlfriend's warmth to ground her, provide her with somewhere to go. It’s too loud to talk already, but Dani is far too caught up in exploring the space around them. The white logo behind the stage setup is eye catching, providing a backdrop for the band, and the stage is higher than she’d first realised, just above her head even as she stands. There’s recording equipment to one side, presumably for the Marquee’s archives, and speakers _everywhere_ \- of all her sensitivities, she’s glad loud noises have never proved too much of an issue. 

She feels Jamie’s eyes on her as she looks around, leans back ever-so-slightly into her as a featherlight kiss is placed into her hair. The lights lower, and Dani joins in the enthusiastic screaming as the band take to the stage.

The next two hours pass in a blur, a frenzy of cheering, jumping, dancing, and a few more drinks. Jamie’s gotten bold - her arm around Dani’s waist, a couple of kisses in her hair, but Dani can’t bring herself to care. She’s fairly sure she’s clocked another queer couple, and nobody seems to be paying any mind, far too wrapped up in the action onstage to care about them. _Jailhouse Rock_ is her favourite song of the night, and though she’s unfamiliar with the acts of the evening, she’d enjoyed all of them, talking animatedly about Queen as they file out through the exit. Jamie grins and listens attentively to her rambling, offering the odd comment, but she seems truly content to let Dani talk.

Eddie hadn’t been dismissive, just somewhat disengaged, and she’d always felt awkward around him, forcing herself to stay quiet and shy. Jamie is so, _so_ different. She visibly hangs on to Dani’s every word, offers questions and jumps in every now and again, and Dani is thrilled to have found someone who can listen to her without exhaustion. Jamie is truly everything she could have hoped for, and she can feel an unfamiliar four-letter word tapping at the back of her mind, one she knows is far too early to be released, but one that makes its presence known all the same. 

She picks up a few assorted flyers on the way out, and they look over them on the tube, Dani using her thumbnail to put little creases next to the dates of shows they like the look of. At some point Jamie’s hand has made its way to her thigh, rubbing ever-so-subtle circles increasingly higher. Dani used to _hate_ public affection, slapped Eddie’s hand away if he so much as _tried_ to tease her, but, as ever, Jamie has made her totally reevaluate. The teasing hand is a promise of what’s to come, and she feels her stomach clench in anticipation, surprised at just how intense the disappointment is when they reach Camden Town and Jamie’s hand disappears. 

Hannah and Owen have long retired to bed by the time they get back, and Dani realises with delight that it’s a Friday, meaning that Jamie has the following day off. She cranes her head back to kiss her girlfriend several times as they bundle upstairs and through the door to Jamie’s room, who spins Dani around and presses her up against the door, unbuttoning her blouse and kissing her fiercely. There’s a familiar fire between them, Dani feels the excitement in her body, and Jamie seems to be practically vibrating with energy, the combination of alcohol and post-gig euphoria coursing through them both. It doesn’t take long before they’re both naked, clothes thrown about the room, and Jamie has her pressed down into the mattress. The atmosphere is charged, and Dani’s already practically writhing on the sheets as Jamie kisses down her jaw and neck. 

Jamie’s lips ghost her ear. “Red means stop, orange means slow down, green means go ahead. Okay?”

Dani nods. 

“Say it back to me.”

“Red is stop, orange is slow down, green is go.”

“Good girl,” Jamie says, and Dani shivers at her words, feeling Jamie’s teeth on her earlobe. “So good. You’re going to do what I say tonight, okay? Say it.”

“Yes. Whatever you say.”

“Good.”

Jamie reaches over to grab something from her bedside table, and Dani feels a silk tie make its way around her wrists, drawing them together above her head. 

“Colour?”

“Green.”

Jamie fixes her hands to the headboard, tying a knot and checking that the restraints aren’t too tight, pressing a kiss to Dani’s wrist as she does. She makes her way back down Dani’s body, lavishing her breasts with attention, swirling a tongue around one taut nipple, then the other. Dani parts her legs expectantly, and frowns when Jamie stops. 

“Did I say you could do that?”

Dani feels the blood rush to her cheeks, shaking her head. 

“Hmm. I thought I was clear enough. That’s strike one, Poppins. Two more, and we’re out.”

God help her, Dani can’t do anything but nod. Something about Jamie in this new light is the biggest turn on she’s ever experienced, excitement tingling through her veins and pooling in her stomach. Jamie reaches for something else, and Dani’s stomach clenches in excitement as she realises Jamie’s intention, muttering a _green_ before Jamie’s even had the chance to ask. Jamie grins at her, tying the scarf around her head to blindfold her, and resumes her earlier ministrations. 

Not being able to see Jamie is one thing, but not being able to predict what’s coming is quite another. Jamie is _everywhere,_ moving methodically around her body, and it’s so, _so_ hot. Dani can feel herself straining. Jamie’s barely touched her and she’s already a mess, hips grinding down into the mattress. She feels sharp teeth sink into her thigh, soothed by a soft tongue, and moans deeply at the sensation of Jamie getting closer and closer to her cunt, feeling her girlfriend settle between her legs. Jamie licks through her folds once, testing the waters, and Dani cries out as two fingers enter her roughly, the unexpected sensation taking her by surprise, sending a heavy jolt of pleasure through her. Jamie thrusts in hard again, biting down on her left breast as she does, and the combination of pain, stretch, and pleasure is unlike anything Dani has ever imagined. It doesn’t take long for Jamie to add a third finger, stretching Dani and keeping a fast, punishing pace. 

She can feel herself tightening as her orgasm approaches, Jamie’s thumb hitting her clit just right, the pressure mounting. She’s just about to explode, just on the edge of crying out, when Jamie stops, removes her fingers and mouth and watches as Dani whines pathetically, rubbing her legs together as she tries to chase the orgasm she can’t quite reach. 

“ _That’s_ for disobeying me earlier. Understand?”

Dani nods, glad that the scarf is covering her frown. 

“Good. God, you look so gorgeous, all desperate for me. Turn over.”

Dani obeys, having to fidget slightly to twist the wrist restraints comfortably, but Jamie helps her out, sliding the tie down the headboard so that Dani can lie comfortably on her front. Jamie’s nails trace down her back, something she’s learned Dani likes, and the slight, familiar sting sends another shiver down her back. She arches back, the tension almost unbearable, and she moves her legs just enough to wriggle on Jamie’s thigh, feeling the tiniest brush against her clit and almost sighing in relief. 

“Naughty. What colour is physical discipline?”

 _Whoops_ , Dani thinks. “Green.”

Jamie smacks her ass, _hard,_ and Dani yelps in surprise. A thought races through her mind at the idea of younger her being told that one day she’d be turned on beyond words by this - the idea is laughable, but _oh,_ it’s _so good._ Jamie smacks her again, then a third time, biting at Dani’s shoulder blade and sucking bruises along her spine. The idea of those bruises still being there tomorrow, of Jamie marking her in a way only Dani knows about is enough to make her whine pitifully. 

“Getting the hang of this now?”

Dani nods, biting her lip in anticipation as she feels Jamie move lower. The sensory deprivation makes everything so much more heightened - now she’s adjusted to the darkness, she can sense every tiny movement Jamie makes, every shift of weight in the mattress. Jamie’s hand rests teasingly on between her thighs, nails digging little crescent moons into Dani’s soft skin. She waits for Jamie to part her legs again, knowing better this time, and is rewarded several times over as she feels Jamie lick up her thighs, biting more bruises into her skin and getting higher, centimetre by centimetre. It’s _torturous,_ but every time she moves, Jamie stops, lets her whine without budging, so she keeps still to the best of her ability. 

“ _God,_ you’re pretty. So, so pretty. All for me. Such a good girl.”

Jamie follows up her final words by slipping her tongue between Dani’s folds, licking a long, broad stroke, and Dani lets out a loud, guttural moan, thanking the high heavens that Hannah and Owen are several floors away. The pleasure combined with her still-stinging skin is _divine_ , every nerve on fire, and Jamie is not playing around, sucking sharply on her clit as Dani grinds down. Jamie moves her tongue away and shoves roughly inside her again, three fingers right from the off, and the pressure Dani’s been building starts to hit a peak again. Jamie thrusts her fingers in hard, hard enough that Dani’s entire body moves with her, and her other hand lands another few smacks on her ass, the mixture of sensations getting more and more overwhelming. She can hear Jamie throughout it all, husky phrases of _good girl_ and _you’re_ _doing so well_ and _you love this, don’t you_ mixing together. Jamie’s words are as much of a turn-on as everything else, and when Dani’s orgasm hits, Jamie doesn’t pull away, fucking her through it. Dani has to bite down hard on the pillow in front of her to stop from flat-out screaming, her toes curling and her back arching as the pleasure hits her. It seems to go on forever, Jamie keeping up the pace until Dani’s second orgasm, even more powerful than the first, washes through her. 

She feels like she can’t breathe in the best way possible. She can hear Jamie sucking her fingers clean, feels her tongue around her folds as Jamie finishes what she started, Dani jumping abruptly every time Jamie gets near her clit. Jamie presses kiss after kiss up her spine, reaching up to first untie the blindfold, then Dani’s hands, rubbing her thumbs over sore wrists to soothe them. 

Dani lets her eyes readjust to the light before turning over, hissing as fresh bruises hit the mattress. Jamie is staring at her in quiet awe, cheeks flushed, and Dani grins up at her. 

“We’re _so_ doing that again.”

*

They spend the night wrapped up in each other. Jamie tells her about the importance of aftercare, how she’s there to make sure Dani remains completely comfortable, feels completely safe and loved in the aftermath. Tells her that she might experience some kind of drop, that if she does it’s important to say so, to let Jamie know what she’s feeling at all times, even if it’s been a couple of days - “the psychology of it all can last longer than you think, and tonight was our first time for this, so I don’t want you to think you’re being sensitive, or wrong, if anything does happen.” She fetches Dani water, brushes her hair for her, puts _Tapestry_ on lowly and lights the candles around the room, turning the main light off to give a soft glow. Dani tugs her underwear on and grabs one of Jamie’s t-shirts, inhaling the scent deeply, enjoying the look of - dare she say it - _love_ that Jamie gives her as she too gets dressed. She knows she’s going to be sore tomorrow, turning to Jamie with a look. “Hannah and Owen won’t hear the bath, will they? Not from all the way down there?”

The main bathroom is downstairs, but they’ve got one of their own on the top floor. “Doubt it,” Jamie says. “Want me to run one?”

“Please. My thighs are going to _kill_ me tomorrow.”

Her statement is met with a grin as Jamie gets up, padding over to the door. She stops on the way to tuck a piece of blonde hair behind Dani’s ear, run her fingers down her cheek, kiss her softly and gently. 

The sex had been nothing short of mind-blowing, but the tenderness in Jamie afterwards, the sheer _reverence_ in the way she looks at Dani, that’s something else. She looks at Dani as if she’s her chosen deity, as if every act is a prayer, an offering. Jamie is always affectionate, always looks at her as if Dani hung the stars herself, but the sheer devotion she’s displaying tonight, the lengths she’s going to just to make sure Dani isn’t overwhelmed, that she knows Jamie respects her and wants to make her happy - it's truly extraordinary.

She helps Jamie carry the candles over to the bathroom as the tub fills up, and it doesn’t take long before they’re settled in the water, Dani leaning back between Jamie’s thighs, head settled on her collarbone. She closes her eyes, enjoying the soft scent of jasmine in Jamie’s soap, feels Jamie’s fingers moving in gentle, soothing circles on her sternum. They soak up each other’s company, and Jamie asks her to describe her favourite literary concept - another reminder that Jamie _wants_ to hear about her interests, that she wants to learn from Dani about the things she’s passionate about. Dani tells her about antithesis, about how Shakespeare popularised it and how it wraps through so many common phrases, giving examples from her favourite works when Jamie asks, letting them fall into a comfortable silence when she’s exhausted her knowledge. 

“Let’s spend the day in bed tomorrow.”

Dani raises her head ever so slightly. “Won’t Hannah and Owen notice?”

She doesn’t have to be able to see Jamie to know the smirk dancing across her face. “I think we crossed that bridge a while back, Poppins. The plants can take care of themselves for one day. I just want to be with you.”

Dani warms at the sentiment, nodding. “That sounds good. Don’t think I’ll be up for much more than a cuddle, though.”

“Fine by me,” Jamie says, and Dani knows that she really, really means it. 

Dani elects not to wash her hair, but lets Jamie wash her gently, lathering her in jasmine and pear soap. Knowing that she’ll smell like Jamie makes her feel warm inside, and as they head back into Jamie’s room, she tugs on the t-shirt she picked out earlier, surrounding herself with her girlfriend in every way she can. Jamie puts _Dusty in Memphis_ on, the second of Dani’s earlier choices, and gives her a shoulder massage, working out the knots as Dani relaxes into her touch. 

They burrow into each other afterward, face to face, Dani’s head under Jamie’s chin and Jamie’s leg flung across her own. She feels safe, protected, like this, with Jamie’s fingers making patterns across her back, careful not to press down on any emerging bruises. 

“Did you do this with Viola?”

Dani doesn’t know what the _fuck_ possessed her to ask, but she practically sighs in relief as Jamie shakes her head. 

“Not this. Viola could get a bit rough, but she didn’t bother much with the aftermath, more of a quickie on the couch and off again girl. Like I said, it was pretty much just a sex thing. But trust me, _nothing_ I ever did with her compares to you. Honestly.”

Dani smiles at the reassurance. “I never really knew sex could be like that, y’know? Eddie was so fumbling and traditional, and I hated it, made every excuse in the book. It’s different with you.”

“Good different?”

“The _best_.”

Jamie kisses her head as she wraps Dani tighter in her arms, sighing deeply and contentedly as Dani’s free arm snakes around her waist. They’re not typically cuddly sleepers, usually just keeping a hand or an arm connected, but tonight, Dani relishes in the closeness, her thoughts hazy as her eyes close.

“I love you, you know. I really think I do.”

She hears Jamie’s breath hitch, worries for a second that she’s gone too far, but relaxes at the feeling of another kiss on the top of her head.

“That’s good. ‘Cause I reckon I’m pretty in love with you too.”

Dani never, _ever_ wants this moment to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments as ever make me do a happy little dance. extra points to anyone who knows why dani’s growing violets specifically.
> 
> also, extra chapter trivia for anyone who wants it:
> 
> \- its SO WEIRD writing about queen as some unknown underground group, but they’d only existed for about six months at that point, and their first album wasn’t released until ‘73 i’m pretty sure, so they really were just a tiny band  
> \- asakusa is the japanese place i had in mind when writing, and it’s a GREAT restaurant, any of you in london or nearby, i highly recommend once lockdown is over (cheap for central london too)  
> \- soho is also a favourite summer-autumn drinking spot - check out cahoots and the vault for my favourite cocktail spots in london and toast me with a gin bramble or a honeybee when you do, it’ll make my year. i’m also a bartender if anyone wants the recipes to make them at home during the panny d, just let me know below x  
> \- the marquee club is unfortunately no longer with us but it was an absolute pioneer of the london rock, pop, and jazz scene, and i’d give anything to have seen a gig there  
> \- and finally: i was in a production of no sex please we’re british and it really is one of my absolute favourites (and it did play the strand theatre in 1971 - i promise every date in this is as pinpoint accurate as i can get it. though queen played the marquee in january, not april, so i can only make that promise about 98% of the time. but i found a set list and they DID play jailhouse rock, so, i made up for it)


	6. jasmine and pear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *trigger warning in the end notes* 
> 
> hallo loves. thank you so much for the overwhelming response to the last chapter - it’s made me so, so happy and i’ve really loved chatting with you all, as i always do! 
> 
> treating you to a bit more fluff before i actually pay attention to the plot i was meant to go back to a chapter and a half ago. what can i say, i’m a people pleaser x

Dani gets the job. 

She’s still in a trial period until the summer holidays, acting as a teaching assistant to five different classes, one each day of the week. Her youngest students are six and her eldest ten, and she finds she likes having a different set each week. It gives her a combination of variety and routine, enough consistency without being overly predictable. The lack of having to worry about rent is a bonus, too.

She’d skipped the Gay Lib meeting the week she got the job, and was taken by surprise by just how much she missed it. Jamie had caught her up, mentioned Viola’s smirk when she saw Jamie alone, and how it’d vanished from her face when Jamie made apologies for _Dani, my girlfriend, who started her new job today._ They’d gone to the anarchist meeting on Friday, Dani needing a bit of time away from trying to catch up on a whole term of lesson plans, and Kate had been enthusiastic to see them, even more so upon hearing the news. It’s nice, the little community that she’s forming. Jamie, Kate, Hannah, Owen. She’s slowly getting to know some of the staff at the school, too. She’s been talking with Perdita, a tall woman she teaches with on Fridays, about starting an after-school book club to encourage their students to read more. It all feels like it’s coming together. 

She and Jamie hadn’t bothered telling Hannah and Owen, just appearing in the kitchen one morning hand-in-hand, and leaving it there. Owen’s been enjoying taking the piss out of them - _got all my favourite beans in the house. Kidney bean, runner bean, les-bean -_ having been the most recent. Hannah simply smiles good-naturedly at them. Dani’s relieved they haven’t demanded answers. Her entire relationship with Eddie had been public and scrutinised, their families extracting every detail, and Dani felt like she was in a relationship with about ten people by the end, not just the one. She likes that she and Jamie just _are._ Easy, accepted, given the privacy to explore each other and the newness of their relationship.

Something Dani is endlessly surprised about is how _fun_ dating Jamie is. Eddie had relied on fancy restaurants, big gestures, but Jamie has a knack for making anything and everything they do leave Dani smiling so hard her cheeks hurt. Today, they’ve ended up having a picnic on Dani’s bedroom floor, after getting approximately five minutes down the road when the heavens opened and rained down upon them. They’re still soaking, having run back to the house, and Jamie has a towel around her shoulders to dry her hair a bit faster. Dani can’t look for too long without laughing.

“Oi, you won’t be doing that when you’ve got a mane of half-water pressed up against you tonight.”

Dani just grins at her with a mouth full of cheese sandwich. 

Hannah and Owen leave for the restaurant around five, and Dani takes the chance to co-opt the living room while Jamie cooks for them. She pushes the cushioned footstools up against the sofa to fashion as close to a bed as she can manage, dragging her duvet down from her room for them to lie under. After a second thought, she takes Jamie’s too, something to balance out where the cushioning meets. She lights candles around the room, the lamp shining lowly in the corner, and flicks on their television. _Sabrina_ is on in an hour, and Dani is _determined_ to find even one American film that Jamie likes. She figures Audrey Hepburn is a solid start. 

She hears a mutter of _fucking bastard_ from the kitchen and tries to suppress a smile as she wanders through to lean in the doorway, watching Jamie chase a cherry tomato under the table. “Going well?”

Jamie scowls at her playfully. “Just getting taunted by a vegetable. Can you check the fish?”

Dani heads over to the stove, where two salmon fillets are gently frying. Jamie has added all manner of herbs from the garden, and the smell is divine. She checks on the potatoes while she’s there, adding an extra pinch of seasoning. “A propa’ British meal,” she says in a horrendous attempt at Jamie’s accent, unable to even stop her own laugh as she speaks. 

“If you ever do that again I’m legally required to break up with you.” 

“That’s fair.”

Jamie finally straightens up, washing the tomato and finishing up on the side-salad she was making for them. Typical, Dani thought, for Jamie to be a self-professed _awful_ cook, yet the second any plants get involved, it’s like having a second Owen around. She gives a final check on the fish and slides over to where Jamie is adding a few final touches, pressing a kiss through a soft flannel shirt to the space between Jamie’s shoulder blades. She can feel Jamie smiling. “Picked a film for tonight?”

“Mm. Not bursting with options, but it’s one of my favourites, luckily.”

“Sounds good. Wine or water?”

“Is that a question?” Dani says, planting a final kiss to the nape of Jamie’s neck before walking over to the fridge, picking up a bottle of sauvignon and a couple of glasses. “Mom always said it was sauvignon for fish, merlot for steak, and pinot noir for pasta. Might as well see if she’s right.”

“If it’s really bad, we’ve still got Owen’s vodka in the cupboard.”

“Are we that desperate?”

Jamie shrugs. “Depends. How good is your mother’s advice, typically?”

Dani grimaces. “I remember being about eleven when she said I could get Eddie on side if I started wearing tank tops.”

“Blimey. Hope her wine knowledge is better than her child-rearing.”

“Oh, believe me, it is.”

*

“Well?”

“You’re not the only one starting a new job this week.”

Dani squeals, barely giving Jamie time to put the phone down before launching herself at her girlfriend, wrapping her up in a hug and almost sending them both to the ground. Jamie laughs, her arms tight around Dani’s waist, and Dani can feel their shared excitement in the air. 

“First meeting next Wednesday, just a get-to-know you thing. I’ll have to work on the Gugino job over next weekend instead, but that should be fine.”

Dani nods, keeping her arms around Jamie’s shoulders, playing with her hair. “I’m _so_ proud of you.”

Jamie blushes, leaning down to kiss her again, grinning widely as she does. “I’ll tell the group tomorrow, they’ll be happy. I can mention the manifesto, now that we’ve got printed copies, see if I can advertise it in the paper. They reckon we’ll be up and running in June, maybe May if things move fast enough.”

“I can’t wait,” Dani says earnestly, planting a light kiss on the end of Jamie’s nose. “My girlfriend, the hottest columnist in town. I can’t wait until the whole of London knows just how great you are too.”

“Speaking of hot,” Jamie replies lowly, and Dani kisses her before leading them upstairs, for several rounds of proving _just_ how hot Jamie is. It’s only several hours later, as they’re passing a post-coital cigarette back and forth between them, that she asks Jamie how she got into politics. 

“I squatted for a bit, when I first got to London. About three years, maybe a bit more. Good people, they were. Anarchists, communists, socialists, all these new ideas I’d never even heard of before. But they were all so interesting, so passionate, that I just asked all the time. Probably drove them mad.”

Dani stubs the cigarette out, and Jamie extends an arm around her shoulders, which she gratefully snuggles into. “You’re too likeable. Did they introduce you to the clubs, speakers, that sort of thing?”

“Some. One of them, Alice, she took me to my first anarchist gig. I was seventeen, I think? It was down in Hammersmith. I wasn’t sure about the whole thing, I’m still not, but the passion everyone spoke with, the way they all wanted to fight for _everyone,_ not just themselves...I don’t know. Just really stuck with me.”

Dani nods. “That makes sense. I remember moving to Cincinnati - still the Midwest, but at least it was a city. We didn’t really have any fringe groups, not that I knew, but it was a definite eye-opener. Meeting new people always does it.”

She hears Jamie hum in agreement. “I’ve got some photos from back then, I’ll show you when you get home tomorrow. They’re in the basement, somewhere, but I should still have them. All ripped tights and punk pins through my clothes. I looked fucking _great.”_

“You still do,” Dani says, and Jamie chuckles. 

They pass the evening sharing stories from their teenage years. Dani is amazed by how long Jamie had managed to make a home out of various buildings - she seems to have spent a few months in practically every borough, and promises to show Dani around some of her favourites. Dani tells her about America, describing Cincinnati and the differences between a small town and a big city over there, how different the culture is from England.

They go downstairs to get snacks and say goodnight to Hannah and Owen, who seem to be having their own date in the kitchen, judging by the amount of candles lit. Dani realises this is the first time she’s ever really seen their romance in action - the easy chemistry between them is so similar to that between her and Jamie, yet tangibly different, and she airs the thought to Jamie once they’re back upstairs, talking through mouthfuls of crisps as Jamie picks up her hairbrush, pats the space in front of her for Dani to shuffle into. 

Brushing her hair is something Jamie does every night now. Sits on the bed with Dani between her legs, talking about their days. Dani adores it, the feeling of closeness as Jamie gently works a brush through blonde waves. It had started as a form of aftercare on their rougher nights, but quickly became routine - Dani likes the settled feeling it gives her. 

Jamie talks about the protest in more detail, as Dani works weekdays, and the group had decided that Friday would be easier than the tourism the weekend brings. It’s a big one, a march from the Roundhouse up to the Metropolitan Police Station in Kentish Town, about a mile route. They’re expecting a good turnout, but Dani knows backlash is likely - the protest is a direct response against police violence, and despite Jamie’s reassurances, Dani can’t quite shake off the feeling of something dangerous in her gut. “Just be careful. Please. I do worry, about you, with some of these.”

She feels Jamie puts the brush down on the bed next to them, slipping her arms around Dani’s waist and leaning forward to rest her head on Dani’s shoulder. “Always. Promise. Got you to come home to, haven’t I?” 

“Exactly,” Dani says, leaning back into Jamie’s embrace, sighing happily. She feels a light kiss on her shoulder, and smiles, content to sit and enjoy the moment. It’s only Jamie’s failed attempt to stifle a yawn that makes her notice the time, and she shuffles to the side, leaning over to turn the lamp off as Jamie flings the duvet back for her to snuggle under. 

*

Jamie gives her a deep, lingering kiss as she leaves for work the next morning, as she always does. It always sends her to work with a fire going through her; Jamie’s arms hold them flush together, a hand rakes through the ends of her hair, barely a centimetre between them. 

“I love you,” Jamie says, resting their foreheads together. Dani takes a moment to breathe her in, glad that she’d deliberately chosen to wear one of Jamie’s jackets to work that day, a smart black with little daisies embroidered around the sleeves. She often pinches Jamie’s clothes, wanting to keep her girlfriend nearby, enjoying the warm feeling that runs through her when she catches a familiar scent of jasmine and pear. 

“I love you too. Be safe today.”

She tears herself unwillingly away from Jamie, after giving her one last, gentle kiss as she picks up her bag and heads down the road. Bridge Primary School is about a twenty minute walk away, and every morning and afternoon she takes the same route, stopping in at a small coffee shop on the way. Today is no different - she’s running slightly late, but she’s always been notorious for her fast walking, and decides a latte is worth having to sprint a bit. The woman behind the counter is friendly, an explosion of natural curls framing her face, and she stamps Dani’s loyalty card with a smile. “One more, and then you’ve got a free one. See you tomorrow?”

“Monday, I’m afraid. Only pass by when I’m working.”

“Monday, then. Better dream up your freebie over the weekend.”

Dani smiles and thanks her, checking her watch as she walks towards Bridge. She’s in with Perdita today, and a class of very excitable nine-year-olds. Friday means the fun stuff - they start with music, then a little reading and spelling, which Perdita allows Dani to take over. Today they’re focussing on some basic grammar rules, _your_ and _you’re_ , _there, their,_ and _they’re,_ and by halfway through the hour Dani’s pretty certain the whole class has the hang of it. She starts a call and response, firing off basic sentences with two options and asking them to tell her which word is correct - the first, or the second. By the fifth sentence all of the children are enthusiastically shouting out the right answers, and she’s satisfied enough to give them fifteen minutes of private reading time at the end.

“You’re doing great. They already love you.”

Dani smiles at Perdita, fiddling with the sleeve of Jamie’s jacket. “They’re sweet, honestly. I think I’m going to ask for a class of ten year olds next term. It’d be nice to get to teach at least some of them for the whole year.”

Perdita nods. “I don’t see why they’d say no, and I’ll put a recommendation in.”

“That’s kind, thank you.”

Perdita gives her a smile as she walks over to her desk, and Dani does a quick walk around the classroom, seeing what her students have brought in to read. There’s a lot of Enid Blyton, a few Roald Dahl books, and various titles from the classroom bookshelf. It’s good to see the kids so engrossed in reading - Dani knows all too well how little time she has in adulthood to read, and she gets a brief pang of nostalgia for the way she devoured books as a child. It makes her want to take them all by the hands and beg them to keep reading, to hold on tightly to that love of literature for as long as they can before the real world takes over. 

She finishes up her walk around the classroom on the table at the front of the room, and Dani feels her heart swell at young Flora Wingrave looking up from her reading to ask what Dani’s favourite book is. 

“My favourite is _Alice in Wonderland._ Have you read it?”

Flora shakes her head. “Can I?”

“If Miss Lloyd says it’s okay, I’ll bring my copy in next week, and we can work on a chapter. But only if you’re on your best behaviour. Deal?”

Flora had flung herself out of her seat at Dani and hugged her tightly. “You’re the best, Miss Clayton,” she’d said, as she grinned brightly and skipped back to her desk. 

Dani spends her lunch break outside, enjoying the sun as she reads through her lesson plans for the remainder of the day. It feels good to be doing what she loves again, what she knows she’s good at. As much as she likes the house, the lazy mornings spent with Jamie, restlessness had been beginning to creep in, the days feeling just a little bit too long in the absence of routine. She knows her job doesn’t define her, but it feels good to have a role again.

The bell goes conveniently as she’s finishing up, and she makes her way back through the hallway. Her class has their art lesson next, which is always one of her favourites - fortunately they’re sticking to coloured pencils, so she won’t be up all night trying to rinse out various poster paint stains. She hands out paper to everyone, setting out jars filled with pencils on the desks as Perdita talks through what she wants them to do. Today’s task is to draw their pet, or their favourite animal if they don’t have one. Dani has a bet with Perdita riding on at least five unicorn drawings.

It’s a pleasant afternoon, and the kids are enthusiastic to show her their work. Flora holds up a surprisingly-good picture of a turtle, handing it to Dani with a cheesy grin. “It’s for you,” she says, and Dani returns the bright smile. 

“Thank you, sweetheart. I’m going to put it on my desk at home, so he can help me when I’m working. Does he have a name?”

Flora frowns, thinking for a moment. “Freddie,” she says authoritatively a moment later, and Dani smiles again.

“Freddie it is.”

She’s just about to get Flora a new sheet of paper to draw something for her dad when there’s a knock at the classroom door. 

“Miss Clayton?”

A young woman from reception sticks her head through the door, a neutral expression on her face. Dani faintly recognises her as Shirley Crain, the woman who gave her a tour on her first day. 

“You have a phone call. I’m sorry to interrupt, but it sounds urgent.”

Dani forces a smile through the wave of panic that rises in her, standing up with an apologetic look at Perdita, who waves her hand in encouragement. _Urgent._ As she walks through the building with Shirley, Flora’s drawing still in her hands she thinks over who knows to contact her here. _Jamie. Owen. Hannah._ Owen would go through Hannah, unless it was Hannah that was the problem. Jamie would call her directly, but would have asked Shirley to say who was calling to avoid worrying Dani. That leaves Hannah, who would only call her at work if she had no other choice. 

_Jamie._

It has to be about Jamie.

Shirley leaves her alone in the office, and her hands shake as she picks the phone up, leaning a hip against a desk to steady herself.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Dani, it’s Viola.”

What the _fuck. “_ Viola? Is everything okay?”

Viola pauses, and Dani’s heart thuds. 

“I’m afraid it isn’t. I’m sorry to contact you at work, but I thought you should know immediately. Jamie’s been arrested, and she’s currently in hospital.”

Her world goes black. 

*

She doesn’t know how she gets to the hospital. One minute she’s hyperventilating in reception, the next in a waiting room at St. Pancras’ Hospital. Viola hadn’t been there, apparently having phoned Dani from a phone box with the details she had from the group. She’s totally alone. 

A nurse asks her relationship to Jamie, and she lies and says they’re sisters, knowing that only a blood relation will be allowed in the room. “One moment, please, I’ll check her status.”

 _Status_. She’s alive, at least. Dani’s mind whirls with possibilities, images of Jamie in all sorts of states, and she squeezes her eyes shut, trying to block out the setting. The beeping is too loud, the constant flurry of footsteps too much, the lights too bright. Hilariously, the person she needs the most when she’s overwhelmed is Jamie. But today is Dani’s turn to be the strong one. 

It feels as if decades pass before the nurse comes to fetch her, giving her a quick run-down of what to expect. “She’s conscious, but weak. Some kind of head injury, we don’t believe there’ll be long-term consequences, but we’re keeping her in tonight and possibly tomorrow depending on her condition. She also has two cracked ribs, so it’s best for her to move as little as possible while she recovers, which will likely be for the next four to six weeks. Fortunately for her, there’s no internal damage beyond some bruising, she’ll be right as rain once those ribs heal up.”

Dani’s mind is reeling from the onslaught of information as she’s led through a maze of corridors, trying to focus on the fact that Jamie’s going to be okay. 

“She’s in here, I’ll give you some privacy. She’s got a few scrapes, but they look worse than they are. You’ve got about twenty minutes before visiting hours finish up.”

Dani thanks her, taking a deep breath as she opens the door and shuts it behind her. She turns to face Jamie, and her heart sinks through the floor at the sight. She’s sitting up, supported by a small armada of pillows, in a blue hospital gown, and Dani can see huge amounts of bandaging and support around her rib cage. There’s a large bruise around her left eye socket, and a scrape down her right cheek, extending up almost to her eyebrow. Her hair is greasy and tousled, and she’s pale, eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed. Dani takes a step toward her, steeling herself with every breath she takes.

Jamie’s eyes open as she approaches, and a half-smile spreads across her face. “I’m alright, Poppins. Aside from whatever the _fuck_ they’ve got me wearing.”

Dani half-laughs, half-sobs as she sits next to Jamie, taking her cold hand and clasping it gently between her own, pressing a kiss to her knuckles and trying not to wince at the rough scrapes on Jamie’s palm. “What happened?”

Jamie grimaces as she shifts slightly. “Was fine at first. But turns out the Met Police still get a bit shitty when you try to throw a brick through their window.”

“ _Jamie.”_

“Hey, I didn’t throw it, just sorta cheered on the person that did. Got arrested with the rest of them, but they’ve dropped it - haven’t actually got anything to charge me on, thank fuck. Just got a bit rough in the process.”

Dani eyes her bandaged ribcage. “I’ll say.”

“Hey.”

Dani looks up, meeting her eyes. 

Jamie gives her a watery grin. “I’m okay, yeah? I really am. Bit battered, but nothing that won’t heal. They’re only keeping me here to be sure. I’ll be back home with you as early as tomorrow.”

“Jamie, they _broke_ your _ribs.”_

“And they’ll heal again.”

“I know, I just…” she trails off, biting her lip. “I’m so, _so_ scared of losing you. _So_ scared. And the fact that some _bastard_ was out their kicking your _fucking ribs in_ while I was sitting down the road, with no idea what was happening...it’s just a lot.” She pauses, trying to stop her voice wobbling, and Jamie squeezes her hand. Dani’s never sworn this much in her life, but even she’s surprised by the anger flowing through her at whoever was responsible for Jamie’s injuries. “And I’d never _dream_ of asking you to stop the protests. I love how passionate you are, how determined you are. I just don’t know how to balance that with this... _fear._ You’re my world. I don’t know what to do knowing this could happen again.”

She’s sobbing by this point, tears rolling freely as she looks at Jamie’s battered face. “I’m sorry,” she sniffs. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I don’t want you to have to change for me. I just...I don’t know. I don’t know what the answer is.”

Jamie disentangles their hands to reach up and wipe away one of Dani’s tears. “I don’t either. I wish I did. The last thing I want is to scare you.”

“You don’t. It’s just, well, everything else,” Dani gives a defeated half-laugh. “The world scares me so much, especially when you’re out trying to change it.”

Jamie’s hand moves to cup her cheek, stroking a thumb along her cheekbone reverently. “It scares me too. And maybe this was always going to happen. But I promise I’ll take a step back for a bit. Support from organising, at least while I’m recovering. Would that make you feel better?”

Dani nods, sniffing again. It doesn’t, not really - the only thing that would really help her would be to know Jamie is safe at all times, but she knows that isn’t fair. Jamie loves her politics as much as she loves her gardening, and Dani refuses to turn into someone controlling. Jamie deserves better. She’s an adult, and Dani doesn’t get to make this decision for her. She knows that. But it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. 

“Okay. Yeah. Just while you’re recovering. I don’t want to be the kind of person that holds you back, but I know you’d feel the same if it was me in trouble.”

Jamie nods, and looks as if she’s about to say something else, when there’s a knock at the door. Jamie’s hand drops from her face as the nurse from earlier enters, looking apologetic.

“I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over now. You can come back any time from ten tomorrow morning.”

Dani nods, and steels herself to stand up. She leans over to kiss Jamie’s cheek, trying to find the balance between affection and looking innocent for the nurse, and squeezes Jamie’s hand tightly. “I’ll be back first thing tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll be okay.”

Dani nods, giving Jamie one last brave smile as she goes. She hails a cab to get home, unable to face the walk. It’s still fairly light, but her legs are shaking - fortunately the cab driver isn’t chatty, and she spends the short journey with her leg bouncing anxiously, staring out of the window. Hannah is waiting in the kitchen for her, and Dani vaguely registers her saying that Viola had already spoken to her and Owen, and that Dani was welcome to stay in the kitchen or take the rest of the day to herself. Dani chooses the latter - she can’t face conversation when Jamie is so obviously missing, can’t deal with pretending nothing’s wrong, but she doesn’t want to have to talk it all over either. Hannah nods gently, standing up to place a hand on Dani’s arm. 

“Come on, then. We’ll get you settled.”

It hits her as Hannah takes her upstairs that this is the first time she will have slept alone in over a month. The whole top floor feels empty, too big and too quiet. Hannah says nothing, but opens Jamie’s bedroom door instead of Dani’s to let her in, a hand gently on her shoulder blade to guide her in.

“I’m just downstairs if you need anything at all. We’ll go to see her first thing tomorrow morning.”

Dani nods, too tired to formulate much more of a response. She can’t get images of Jamie getting hurt out of her mind, stuck in a loop of being half-grateful that it hadn’t been worse, and half-scared that one day it would be. She finds herself grateful for Viola’s presence, for the first time - thank God somebody had known to contact her. 

She takes some time to breathe in the familiar scent of Jamie, and runs her fingers through the aloe plant by her bed. She wanders over to the record player, The Beach Boys’ _Surfer Girl_ still placed on the turntable. Dani moves the needle onto the vinyl, a soft tune filling the room, and she pictures Jamie getting ready to it that morning, shoving some pins in her hair and grabbing her jacket on the way out. Her heart aches in a way she’s never experienced before - it feels like her whole body is trying to get to Jamie, missing her presence on such an intense level that it takes Dani by surprise. 

She curls up in Jamie’s bed, still in her girlfriend’s jacket, holds her pillow close, and cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen, i didn’t say i was a consistent people pleaser
> 
> also! i own a copy of the gay liberation manifesto and have been consulting it frequently. i bought my copy from gay’s the word in london - so if anyone wants any queer literature of any variety, please consider them. they’re a business very close to my heart and i live in fear of covid forcing them closed literally every day. i’m not getting an advertising cut, they’re just very much my safe space lmao, and if you’ve ever been there’s a decent chance i’ll have been in there hanging around the lesbian and secondhand sections x
> 
> (insert usual begging for comments here)
> 
> trigger warnings for: description of injury, hospitals, and a mention of police violence in the third section onwards


	7. love, light, and pavlova

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very minor mention of csa and domestic violence in the section beginning with “do you wanna talk about it” and lasts for three blocks of text, ending with “it’s because i’m magical”
> 
> ooft, lacklustre reception to the last chapter - not sure if i uploaded at a weird time or if people just weren’t keen, so have put some extra effort into making this one a long and very fluffy one and hopefully that’ll make up for it! much love to those who did review, made my week as always x
> 
> also i think i’ve got the next au ready to go, and it’s a bit niche, but most of you started with one about a cambridge masters degree, so hopefully you’ll stick around for the ride. thanks to everyone who also read the hasty one-shot, i’ve got a few more in the works too!

Jamie comes home on Sunday. Dani does _not_ leave her side. 

Jamie’s on four weeks of mandatory bed rest while her ribs heal, and is taking it about as well as Dani expected, having to be continuously reminded that _no, love, you can’t go and do the weeding, no, it doesn’t matter if you’re sitting down_. They’d only gotten home about five hours ago, and Dani doesn’t have the heart to point out just how long Jamie’s going to have to live like this for. 

The day had been a long one, full of hospital admin and trying to get Jamie home in a cab that didn’t jostle her ribs much. Jamie hissed in pain with every step they took, her left leg having been badly bruised up, and getting her upstairs to bed had taken a joint effort from both Dani and Owen. Dani declared herself very much in charge, checking when Jamie’s painkillers had to be taken, when any dressings needed changing, what to do with her ribcage supports, and had even written herself down a schedule. She could take Monday through to Wednesday off of work that week, and had already rung Henry Wingrave to confirm, who had been surprisingly sympathetic considering Dani’s only been there for a couple of weeks. The medication Jamie had been given has her sleeping about eighteen hours a day, and if Dani was being really honest with herself, she needed a couple of days just to keep Jamie close, to be able to stay with her and see for herself that she was okay, to hold her when she was in pain and do what she could to ease it. In a strange way, Dani thinks she’s probably taking it all harder than Jamie is - dealing with her own pain has always been doable, but watching someone she loves suffering is absolute torture. Work is going to be interesting when she goes back.

For the first two weeks, she’s going to come home during her lunch breaks, to check on Jamie herself and try to lift her spirits a little. If she gets the bus, it’s ten minutes each way, which should give her a solid half an hour. Owen had offered to save her lunches from the restaurant, so that she can have a hot meal with Jamie without worrying about prep time, an offer she’d very gratefully taken him up on. After those two weeks, Dani will still come home when she can, but she has the reassurance that Hannah and Owen are tag-teaming their days off to make sure there’s always someone home during the week Jamie begins to get her movement back, and Dani won’t have to worry about her falling down the stairs or trying to sneak out for some strenuous garden work. 

They’d been sorting the plan out over tea while Jamie sleeps, and Dani is satisfied that they’ve got a good system sorted, feeling somewhat brighter about the whole ordeal. She checks the clock, and notes that she has about three hours until Jamie needs her painkillers again, giving her plenty of time to go for a visit to the market to get some things for her girlfriend. Hannah and Owen agree to keep an ear out, and Hannah has deemed herself chief tea-maker for when Jamie wakes up, placing a reassuring hand on Dani’s arm as the blonde worries at not being there when Jamie comes around.

She forgets sometimes just how much longer Hannah and Owen have known Jamie than she has. She doesn’t remember a life without Jamie there. But they know what to do, and they know how to handle Jamie through all sorts of phases, and Dani’s glad she can head out in good conscience.

She goes upstairs to grab a bag and looks in on Jamie as she does. Her girlfriend is out cold, tucked up in bed where Dani and Hannah left her sleeping a few hours back. The only difference is that she has a pillow cradled to her side, and Dani’s heart clenches when she realises it’s _her_ pillow, the one on her side of the bed. Even in medicated sleep Jamie reaches out for her - Dani has no doubt that she’d do the same if their roles were reversed, but it makes her genuinely emotional to see, smiling to herself as she softly clicks the door shut behind her.

It’s a bit of a miserable day outside, grey and clouded over, but fortunately that means a slight dip in the usual tourist levels as Dani heads to the centre of town. She’s got a mental list of things to do, stopping first at the supermarket, picking up Jamie’s favourite snacks to keep in the room - Dani’s learned there’s no level of grumpiness that can’t be overcome with a large bag of salt and vinegar Golden Wonders, and she pops some chocolate in the basket too. She catches sight of what promises to be a luxury hot chocolate, and grabs that too, knowing she’s infinitely more useful in that department than she is anywhere near a kettle. That can be left firmly to Hannah.

Her main mission is finding some kind of distraction for Jamie, which isn’t going to be easy. Jamie is such a hands-on person, prefers to _do_ things rather than think about them, and short of moving her bed out into the garden itself, Dani’s a little stuck on ideas. She starts with books, picking up a couple of second-hand Agatha Christie novels, a couple of books of sudoku and crossword puzzles, and an encyclopedia of Icelandic wildflowers, which is possibly a little niche, but is about all she can find on gardening. As an afterthought, she also picks up a book on learning Italian, something else to keep Jamie’s mind busy if she gets bored of filling in numbers. 

Plus, the idea of Jamie speaking Italian to her makes her toes curl. And _that’ll_ be something they can have some fun with.

Satisfied with her book collection, she heads across the courtyard and into the more mainstream stores, stopping first for a couple more board games. She gets them _Cluedo_ and _Game of the States_ , the latter of which is technically designed for children, but it’ll make Jamie laugh. Dani can talk to her about Iowa and Ohio as they play, recall trips to Pennsylvania and Nebraska, make idle plans for the future if Jamie takes an interest. A warmth spreads through her at the idea of taking Jamie around her homeland, travelling somewhere together, and ignores that the game puts her a little over-budget. Some things are worth it. 

She just about fits everything in her bag, and heads out of the market, stopping at a food stall to get her and Jamie a couple of German pretzels, one of Jamie’s favourite delicacies. She needs food with her painkillers, and Dani hopes it’ll brighten her mood a little, bringing a bit of the outside world to her.

“Dani?”

She whips around to see Perdita behind her, and smiles warmly. “Hi!”

“Good to see you. Is everything okay? I didn’t want to ask while you were trying to get to the hospital.”

“It will be,” Dani says, wondering how much to divulge. “My, uh, partner was quite badly injured at a protest on Friday, but Henry has given me a few days to stay at home with them, and the hospital staff were really helpful.”

Perdita nods, luckily choosing not to press on Dani’s choice of gender-neutral language. “I see, well, I’m glad they’re okay. My sister was on a local march on Friday as well, which she said got a bit violent, so it may have been the same one.”

“Who’s your sister? Maybe we know each other.”

“Possibly. Do you know a Viola Lloyd?”

Dani looks at her, wondering whether to laugh or scream. “Yeah, uh, quite well, actually.” She pauses, wondering if she’s about to shoot herself in the foot with her own curiosity. “Did you ever meet a Jamie Taylor?”

“Jamie? Yes, I remember her well. Nice girl, bit rough around the edges, I met her a few times. She was, shall we say, _close,_ with my sister.”

Dani takes a second to scan Perdita’s tone for any kind of disapproval, and takes a deep breath. “Yeah, uh, I know. Me and Jamie, are, uh, _close,_ now.”

Perdita looks at her for a long moment, and then offers a soft smile. “I see. So you must be the blonde my sister has been concerned with?”

“Yeah. We haven’t exactly hit it off.”

Perdita nods her head in understanding. “I love my sister dearly, but she’s a difficult person. She’s always had a jealous streak, even when we were children. I’m sorry that you seem to have been on the receiving end of that.”

Dani returns her smile. “It’s okay. She was the one that phoned me on Friday, when Jamie got hurt, so there’s that.”

Perdita hums in agreement and looks down at her watch. “I have to hurry I’m afraid, but it was nice seeing you. Please give Jamie my love, and I’ll see you on Friday.”

Dani nods, smiling as they head their separate ways, tucking the pretzels into her bag to keep them warm. She’s relieved at Perdita’s sympathy, and her understanding, and struggles to see how she and Viola could be so closely linked. _What are the odds_ , she thinks. It’s a small world indeed. 

*

Jamie is still asleep when Dani gets home, giving her time to unpack her bags before she crawls onto the bed and under the duvet, gently moving her pillow out of Jamie’s arms and replacing it with herself, making sure she’s careful not to touch her ribcage. She’d wanted to give Jamie the pretzels while they were still warm, but she can’t resist a chance to lie cuddled up with her, and she can always put them in the oven again later. Moments like this are too precious to let them slip by.

Despite how much time they spend together, it’s rare for Dani to get a chance to just _observe_ Jamie, really take in her beauty. Jamie gets up with the sun - Dani realises this is one of the first times she’s ever seen her asleep, as usually it’s Dani who falls asleep first and wakes up last. Jamie is always striking, even with scrapes and bruises littering her face and a nasty black eye. Dani takes time to let her eyes roam over her, tracing her shape as the last of the sunset peaks through the window. Jamie’s hair is still messy from the hospital, and her eyes are dark - she’d said to Dani she’d been kept awake under observation to check she didn’t have any kind of head injury, and Dani wonders now just how much of her sleepiness is medication, and how much of it is sheer exhaustion.

Jamie shifts a little, feeling Dani nearby and subconsciously holding her closer. Dani tucks her head into the crook of Jamie’s neck, placing a soft kiss there, and hears Jamie sigh softly, waits to see if she’s woken up. 

“Dani?”

That’ll be a yes, then. She presses another kiss to Jamie’s throat in response. “Evening, sleepyhead. How are you feeling?”

Jamie hums, threading her hand through Dani’s hair. “Been woken up in worse ways before.”

Dani smiles at that. Trust Jamie to go from morphine-induced unconsciousness to irresistible charm in the blink of an eye. She breathes in deeply, enjoying just lying there with Jamie next to her. That fear that had struck her in the hospital still hasn’t eased off yet, but being here helps. She can hold Jamie, be held in return, feel for herself that Jamie’s getting better. She thanks the heavens again that Jamie had been allowed to come home.

“Something smells good.”

“Mm. Got us some pretzels from the market. Not sure they’ll still be warm though.”

She fees Jamie kiss her head. “Doesn’t matter. Stay here another minute. ‘S nice to hold you. Feel better already.”

“I’d stay here forever,” Dani says quietly, and she means it, too. Years of pretending she wasn’t a touchy person, that she didn’t like affection, trying to avoid having to do anything but the bare minimum with Eddie; or worse, forcing herself into it, trying to make herself like his arms around her - she didn’t realise how much it had built up until Jamie. She _craves_ Jamie’s touch, could spend her whole life in her arms uncomplainingly. 

They lapse back into a gentle silence, Jamie shifting a little to get more comfortable and Dani moulding herself back to her side immediately, an arm across Jamie’s stomach. She needs to get up in a second to help with medicine and any bandage changing, but lets herself have one last, lingering moment before she does, eventually tearing herself away to head to the dresser with Jamie’s supplies on top. She tips the pills into her hand, handing them to Jamie with a drink of water, and sits to gently clean some of her deeper cuts, apologising every time Jamie hisses or flinches. Most of the superficial damage seems to be healing nicely, which Dani is relieved about. She checks over Jamie’s bruised-up leg, looking for any signs of anything more serious, but it seems okay. Her rib support won’t need changing for a couple of days, but she needs a change of clothes, and Dani helps her as she gets out of her t-shirt, feeling her heart ache at Jamie’s cry of pain as she raises her arms. Every article of clothing they manage to get off is rewarded with a kiss, and Jamie asks if she can wear some of Dani’s pyjamas instead of her own, which Dani naturally agrees to. Seeing Jamie in her soft pink flannel makes her smile, and the button-up shirt requires less arm movement than the t-shirt had, something Dani makes note of.

She goes through her purchases for the day before painkillers spin Jamie out too much, explaining her reasonings behind the books and games, and making sure the snacks are within arms reach. She gets Jamie a fresh glass of water, and sets about trying to sort her hair out. Brushing it is hopeless when it’s dry, but she manages to get the worst tangles out with her fingers, securing Jamie’s hair into two short braids to prevent it from matting up. Jamie lets her without fuss, reaching for Dani once she’s settled down again.

“Cheers for doing all this.”

Dani leans over to kiss her cheek. “Any time.”

“No, _really._ Thank you.”

Dani hums, waiting for her to continue. She slips her arm around Jamie’s shoulders and encourages her girlfriend to lean into her, a reversal of their earlier positions, Jamie cuddled into her this time around. 

“I just, I never really had this before. Someone taking care of me. It’s nice.”

Dani kisses the top of her head, resting her cheek against brown curls. “I like doing it. Really. I’d do anything for you, you know that.”

Jamie hums. “I know. And I hope you know I would too. Fighting as a kid usually led to more punishment at whatever home I was in at the time. Or the fight came from within the home. Didn’t realise how different it is when someone you love is there.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

A pause. “The first time I was eleven, I think. The couple I was living with then were always a bit weird, weird rules, stuff like that. I had my own room, for the first time, so that was nice. I just remember him - my foster dad, I guess, though I never called him that - coming into my room one night. Proper pervert, tried to touch me. I socked him in the eye and kicked him in the groin before he got a chance to, but somehow I got in trouble for it. Didn’t stay with them much longer, but he got a bit violent before I left, and somehow that was my fault too. Bit shit having to walk yourself to the hospital with a broken wrist, you know? So yeah. Never really had this before.”

“Jamie, that’s _awful.”_ Dani doesn’t know what to say, holding Jamie impossibly closer and pressing kisses to her hair. “I love you so, _so_ much. If I ever see that bastard he’s getting a lot worse than a broken wrist from me. Promise.”

She hears Jamie chuckle to herself. “I don’t doubt it. I love you, too,” she says, through a stifled yawn. “I still get nightmares sometimes, but therapy helped. Haven’t had one since I met you, I don’t think.”

“It’s because I’m magical,” Dani quips, rubbing gentle circles on Jamie’s waist. She admires her girlfriend every day for what she’s dealt with, but it hurts her deeply to know that she’s _had_ to deal with anything. She’s strong, and resilient, and tough, but she shouldn’t have to be. 

She kisses Jamie’s hair again. “I’m always going to be here for you, you know? I love you, and you can always talk to me. Trust me. I only ever want what’s best for you.”

Jamie moves her head up to meet Dani’s eyes, and Dani is surprised to see a shimmer of tears in them. “Yeah,” she says, and Dani smiles at her. “Yeah, I do know. I really do. And I don’t know if I can ever tell you how much you mean to me.”

“You don’t have to,” Dani replies. “Because I know how much _you_ mean to _me._ And I think it’s about the same.”

“Probably. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Dani says, and kisses her deeply. 

*

Dani’s surprised that she sleeps through the night like that, still in her clothes, but supposes that the past few days have probably taken quite a toll on her as well. She wakes early, about half past five, and knowing she can spend the day with Jamie instead of at work is a relief. 

She lets herself doze for a while longer, still holding Jamie tightly, and finally decides to get up at seven, gently easing herself out and propping Jamie up with a pillow. Changing into her own pyjamas - might as well get comfy - she pads downstairs and makes some toast, heading out into the garden with it. It’s a peaceful day, the sun rising gently, and she takes a look around the garden at what needs doing. It’s mainly watering, and she’s not a hundred percent sure what plants need what, deciding to give them all just a tiny sprinkling. The forecast is predicting rain for Tuesday, so if she doesn’t give any of them enough then Mother Nature should sort it out for her. 

She gets now why Jamie gardens. It’s still not exactly something that comes naturally to Dani, she doesn’t have that instinctive knack for it, but she likes knowing she’s partly responsible for living things. The violets Jamie helped her plant are beginning to break through the soil, and the pansy seeds are germinating in pots lined by the shed - she should be able to see them soon. It doesn’t take long to get the plants watered, and she makes sure to do the same with the plants inside as well, finally hoisting up enough water to finish off with the ones in Jamie’s room, who apparently has woken up by the time she gets there. Jamie gives her a soft look as she walks in with the watering can, mumbling an appreciative _thank you_ as Dani moves from plant to plant. 

Jamie can get herself to the bathroom and back safely now, but that doesn’t stop Dani hovering nearby, terrified that Jamie’s going to trip on something. Jamie rolls her eyes but lets her do it anyway, giving her hand an affectionate squeeze as she brushes her teeth. As much as Dani hates the circumstances that led to it, it _is_ nice to get to spend more mundane mornings than usual with Jamie.

She goes through the routine of making Jamie breakfast, following a request for cream cheese bagels and adding some chives from the garden. Jamie wolfs it down - so much for the morphine suppressing her appetite - before taking her painkillers and letting Dani go through the morning injury checks. Dani can see where the bandages around her rib are starting to rub at her skin, a few harsh red marks around her waist, and fetches some of her expensive cocoa butter from the bathroom in hopes of soothing the skin. 

“See, this is how I know you _really_ love me. If Owen even looked at this stuff you’d throw him down the stairs.”

Dani laughs, glad that Jamie’s feeling up to joking around. She’s still on a heavy dose, one that’ll probably have her knocked out within the hour, and Dani’s surprised at just how well she’s taking it, saying as much out loud. 

“Not difficult when you’re here, tending to my every need,” Jamie says with a smile. “Honestly, though, it’s annoying that I can’t get up and do anything. But I’m getting to spend days on end with you here, and get some sleep, and I know the plants are being taken care of. I’ll be bored shitless on Thursday, but that’s Thursday’s problem. Just enjoying you while I can.”

Dani grins brightly at her, that familiar swell in her heart returning again. “I’m glad. I’ve always been a useful person, sort of had to be with my mom the way she is. Much better to do it for you, though. Doubt you’re going to throw a fridge magnet at me for taking the wine away.”

“I dunno, Poppins. Plenty of time for that.”

*

Tuesday and Wednesday pass in a similar fashion, and Dani heads into the Gay Lib meeting with a page of handwritten notes from Jamie, who obviously can’t make it. Kate sweeps her up into a fierce hug the second she walks through the door, and Dani lets herself be held, grateful for Kate’s support and solidarity. Everybody in the group follows in similar fashion, and Dani can feel the love for Jamie in the room, tangible in the air. 

Even Viola comes over to greet her, not exactly warm, but she shakes Dani’s hand and shakes off Dani’s _thank you for calling me_ with a stiff upper lip. 

“Wouldn’t have been right if I didn’t. Glad she’s okay.”

Dani nods with a smile, and goes to take a seat in the circle. 

“As many of you know, Jamie, my partner, was badly injured at the march on Friday, so I’m speaking in her absence.”

Dani looks around at the ring of faces looking at her, surprised at the amount of soft smiles and looks of encouragement. She’s only known these people for a couple of months, but she loves how fierce the bond between them all is already.

“Jamie’s okay, but she won’t be here for a few more weeks while she’s on bed rest. She has a couple of cracked ribs, and there’s some kind of issue with the muscles in her leg, but we think it’s just bad bruising. I just want to say a thank you for everyone that stayed with her and helped her get the care she needed on Friday. I don’t know where we’d be without you all.

Not a lot to catch you all up on, as Kate has volunteered to speak on the anarchist meeting this week, as Jamie obviously couldn’t attend. The West London Socialist Society are having their first open-air debate forum this Saturday at two, so if anybody would like to attend, they can go to Grove Hall Park to see that. The feminist bookshop in Soho are having a book swap on Sunday, one until three in the afternoon. And, of course, the anarchist meeting at The Crown and Anchor on Friday, nine o’clock. I won’t be in attendance, but Kate will, so anybody wanting to go will have a familiar face.”

She double checks the list Jamie has given her to make sure she hasn’t left anything out, and gives a satisfied nod before sitting back down to a round of applause. Kate stands to speak on the anarchist group, and Dani lets herself sit back and enjoy it, letting the words wash over her. 

Kate walks part of the way home with her afterwards, talking about an upcoming poetry event she thinks Dani will like, and Dani notes the date and place on the bit of paper Jamie had given her. They part ways at Mornington Crescent, Dani promising to give Jamie her love, and she wraps her jacket tighter around herself as she hurries to Lyme Street. It’s her last day off of work, so she wants to treasure it, heading straight to the kitchen with a friendly hello to Hannah, taking the luxury hot chocolate she’d bought out of the cupboard and heating the milk up. Owen had brought back cake from the restaurant, an Italian pavlova, and Dani cuts two generous slices from it to take upstairs with her, managing to balance everything on a dinner tray with frankly quite impressive skill. She knocks twice on the door with her foot before going in, pleased to see Jamie sitting up and reading. 

“ _Buonasera, bellissima. Ti amo.”_

Jamie’s voice makes her weak at the knees as she sets the tray down. “Someone’s been practicing,” she says, walking around to put Jamie’s mug on her bedside table and leaning down for a kiss as she does. Jamie grins into the kiss, raising a hand to stroke Dani’s cheek.

“I have. How’d the meeting go?”

Dani moves back to sit on the bed, handing Jamie her pavlova and a fork. “Good. People send their love. They were all really sweet.”

“That’s good. Missed them tonight.”

Dani hums, taking a bite. “They missed you too. Won’t be long, though. Kate’s offered to write you up some notes for me to pass along, if you want. And you’ll have some stuff to do for the newspaper soon, so that’ll keep you connected.”

“Yeah.”

Dani smiles at her, putting her plate to one side and curling herself into Jamie, kissing along her jaw and nestling her head in the crook of her neck as she lets her hand drift down to play with the waistband of Jamie’s pyjamas, teasing the soft skin underneath. “Besides, until then, I’ll just have to pay extra attention to you, won’t I?”

“Well,” Jamie says with a grin. “Who am I to deny myself that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dani taking care of jamie is something that can be so personal
> 
> much love to all of you as ever. i got to go to the optician today and it felt like fucking disneyland compared to my usual four walls. wild times indeed xx


	8. light as a feather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dani is a whiny switch in bed and none of you can convince me otherwise
> 
> also apparently this has made its way to twitter and gets talked about a lot there and i LOVE THAT. haven’t really seen anything, just a couple when i searched for love shack in the search bar, but twitter people i LOVE YOU. i don’t really tend to do fandom stuff in there (i’m a political researcher so i have to keep my account at least semi-professional) but that’s honestly made me so fuckin happy and i’m so so so glad you’re all loving it xxx
> 
> you all got your sick fic satisfaction last chapter and i’ve only got three left so there’s a couple of time jumps, but i’ve tried to make sure there’s still plenty of description of these two in there, because they are good and i am in hell (and also dramatic). much kinky sex at the end too bc frankly i wanted to get the word count up. you’re welcome.

“Oh, _fuck,_ Dani, _right there.”_

Dani grips Jamie’s thighs harder, closing her lips around her clit and sucking lightly, listening to Jamie’s moan above her as Jamie’s hand threads through blonde hair. She moves her hand to slide two fingers easily into her girlfriend, feeling the impact of Jamie throwing her head back onto the pillow above her.

“Watch those ribs, or I’m stopping.”

“I’m, _fuck,_ I’m being careful.”

“Better be,” Dani says, dipping back down to lick around Jamie’s clit, eliciting another moan. She makes sure to set a gentle pace, making sure she isn’t moving Jamie too much as she curls her fingers, ignoring Jamie’s hips stuttering to try to make her go faster. Dani still thinks it’s far too early with Jamie’s injury - she’s only on the second day of being allowed to move around the house properly - but as much as they both enjoy the soft affection between them, having to put their sex life on hold had been challenging. Dani blushes even now as she recalls a particular night where Jamie had watched her get herself off in bed next to her, having encouraged her through a striptease shortly before.

She blushes, but she knows for a _fact_ that they’ll be doing that again.

Jamie is beginning to clench around her, and Dani knows she’s close, adding a third finger and stretching her out as a foolproof way to make sure Jamie hits a satisfying climax. She swirls her tongue around Jamie’s clit in time with her thrusts, and moves a hand to Jamie’s stomach to stop her arching her back and ribs up as she comes spectacularly, gasping and crying Dani’s name out into the room. Dani licks her fingers clean, moving up to kiss Jamie deeply, brushing strands of sweaty hair off of her face as she does.

“Your turn,” Jamie says as she breaks off their kiss, shuffling down the bed. Dani knows exactly what’s coming, moving up to straddle Jamie’s face, the best position they’d found for Jamie to fuck her in recovery. She still feels bold every time, impossibly turned on by Jamie’s hands on her ass and thighs, encouraging her to rest her weight properly as Jamie moves her tongue through wet folds, up to her clit and back down around her entrance. It doesn’t take long before Dani is grinding down on her, chasing the orgasm she knows is coming, and Jamie lands a single smack on her ass as she does, encouraging her to go faster.

“ _Fuck,_ Jamie _.”_

Dani moves her hands up to her breasts as Jamie thrusts her tongue inside her, whining at the sensation, knowing how much the sound turns Jamie on. She’s about to turn back to check Jamie isn’t straining herself when she feels her tongue on her clit, and _oh, god,_ if Jamie stops doing that for even a second Dani’s going to _scream._

It doesn’t take long for her to shout Jamie’s name into the air, riding out the last throes of her orgasm before collapsing on the bed next to Jamie, content and out of breath. Jamie gives her a wicked smile, wiping her mouth, and Dani returns it, unable to speak for another minute. 

“Still got it, then?”

“Yeah,” Dani says, still catching her breath as she stares up at the ceiling. “Could say that.”

She rolls onto her side, looking at Jamie with a soft smile. “Think we’ve gotten pretty good at keeping you safe.”

“Other than the atomic bomb I’ve got under the bed, anyway.”

Dani kisses her then, gently, takes her time as they come down from the heat of the afternoon. She’s decided that Saturdays are her favourite days now, for a number of reasons: firstly, even when she’s able to work, Jamie usually has them off, and so does Dani. Secondly, Hannah and Owen are almost always out. Thirdly, she can spend all day and all night with Jamie, and not have to get up early the next day, giving her precious hours they have to forfeit during the weeks to claim and explore as her own. Saturday is the best of them all, closely followed by a Friday, when Jamie spends the evening rubbing her shoulders, usually after several rounds of what she can only describe as _scandalously_ good sex as Jamie goes into _aftercare mode_ , as Dani affectionally dubs it. Weekends truly are heaven. 

“We still need to look over your submissions for the week.”

Jamie groans in response. “Later. I don’t think I can remember how to read right now.”

Dani chuckles, ghosting her hand down Jamie’s arm, stopping to rest on her waist. “Alright. Means you’re cooking tonight, then.”

“What happened to _no, Jamie, you’re injured?”_

Dani seats at her, rolling her eyes affectionately at Jamie’s imitation of her accent. “Even you can handle standing at a stove. I’ll do anything that involves bending down.”

Jamie eyes her hungrily, her hand slipping lower until Dani feels a squeeze on her ass, encouraging her back up to straddle Jamie’s thighs. “Oh, you’d better,” she says, and Dani grins.

*

Jamie’s first day at work terrifies Dani beyond belief. 

She’s going into the newspaper offices - gardening is still off limits for another two weeks at least, depending on the opinion of the hospital - and Dani knows she’ll be fine. The most exciting thing she’ll do all day is go to get lunch, and she’ll be sat down for most of the day. It doesn’t stop her worrying. 

“ _Please_ try not to hunch over, or bend sideways. And call me if anything happens, or if you need to go home, or _anything.”_

“Dani.”

Dani sighs, sitting on their bed. “I know. You’re an adult, you’ll be careful, you’re okay. But you’re not okay, and you said you’d be careful last time, and I’m just scared.”

Jamie moves to sit beside her, taking Dani’s hand between her own. “I _will_ be careful. Promise. And I can actually make that promise today, and mean it, and know that I mean it. Worst that can happen is someone chucks a bit of paper at me. Not exactly the tools of a mortal wounding.”

Dani forces herself to smile, appreciating Jamie’s efforts to make her feel better. “I know. I just wish I could keep you here, with me, where I can see that you’re safe.”

“What time do you finish today?”

“It’s book club, so maybe quarter past four? Half past?”

Jamie moves one of her hands to tuck a strand of Dani’s hair behind her ear. “I’m done at four. How about I meet you at the school, then you can see for yourself straight away that I’m fine, yeah? And we can get the bus back if you’re worried about me walking.”

Dani’s heart skips a beat at Jamie’s consideration. “You don’t have to.”

“I do, if it’s going to stop you worrying. I want to.”

Dani nods, feeling Jamie kiss her cheek. “I need to head off now, but I’ll get the bus, and I’ll ring you at eight so you know I’m there safely, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

Dani walks her down the stairs and down to the front door. She’s still got fifteen minutes before she needs to leave, and she’s glad it’s this way around, or she’d spend her entire walk panicking that Jamie had fallen down the stairs and cracked the rest of her ribcage in the process. Jamie turns to her after putting her shoes on, wrapping her arms around Dani’s waist as she pulls her in close. “Eight on the dot. Forty five minutes to go, yeah? You can do that, easy.”

Dani leans forward to rest her forehead against Jamie’s. “Yeah. Sorry. I’m not trying to smother you.”

Jamie kisses her lightly. “I know. I don’t feel smothered. But this needs to happen and you’re going to be okay, and so am I, yeah?”

Dani nods, kissing her deeply, her hands on Jamie’s shoulders as she feels more than hears Jamie’s quiet moan. “Don’t do that,” she says, “or I’m _definitely_ not letting you go anywhere.”

Jamie kisses her one final time before she turns to head out the door. Just as she’s about to step out, she turns, a wicked glint in her eye, and dips her hand into Dani’s underwear, giving her a single, sudden stroke, licking her fingers afterwards and winking. “Be a good girl today.”

Dani is practically on the _floor_.

“I will.”

“Better be. I’ll know.”

Jamie leaves her with a final, _final_ kiss, and saunters down the path, and Dani knows she knows _exactly_ what she’s doing. She can’t stop the grin on her face at the knowledge of what’s coming her way that evening, cursing Jamie for sending her to work with a head full of fantasies, the words _be a good girl_ circling in her mind as she walks down the road. 

True to word, Jamie calls her at eight exactly, and Dani beats Shirley to the phone, letting out a garbled explanation as she does. 

“Hello?”

“See, Poppins? All in one piece. _And_ I’ve got my own office here, so I can sweet-talk you all I want, most darling love of my life.”

Dani smiles, biting her lip. “You’re _terrible.”_

“You love it.”

“I do. I really do.”

“Good. Good girl.”

“ _Jamie.”_

She hears a laugh down the phone, knows exactly the expression on Jamie’s face, the glint in her eye. “Well, I’m alive, and you’ve got a job to do, so off you fuck. I love you.”

“You too. Truly.”

“Bye, Poppins.”

“Bye.”

She hangs up the phone and hands it back to Shirley, who is looking at her with a single raised eyebrow. “Boyfriend?”

“Something like that,” Dani says, practically skipping out of the office to head to her class. 

*

Flora stays behind at four, talking Dani’s ear off about _Alice in Wonderland_ as she helps her tidy up the library. They’re four chapters in, and Dani loves her enthusiasm - _this_ is why she was a teacher, kids like Flora who are so full of a desire to learn, hungry to read their way through the whole world with nothing weighing them down on the way. She’s sweet, and Dani is genuinely disappointed when Henry shows up to collect her. 

“We can read another chapter on Friday, can’t we? Not long to go.”

Flora grins at her and hugs her tightly before taking Henry’s hand, barely giving him a chance to say hello to Dani before she’s off again, shouting a _bye, Miss Clayton!_ as she goes. Dani smiles at the display, putting the last couple of chairs back in the corner and grabbing her stuff from the office. The April sun isn’t yet strong enough to ward off the chill, and she shrugs her coat on, putting her hand in the pocket and feeling a scrap of paper in there. 

_See, you made it. So did I. I’ll be waiting by the gates. Hope you had a good day. Love you loads. J xxx_

Dani hasn’t got a clue how Jamie knew she wouldn’t find it that morning, but she stares at the note, reads it several times over before placing it in her desk drawer, something to greet her tomorrow. Making her way down the stairs and outside, she calls a goodbye to Perdita, who is still in the classroom, and picks up the pace as she heads out, seeing a familiar silhouette at the gate. She wants nothing more than to run to Jamie and kiss her senseless, but there’s too many parents around, too many prying eyes, so she settles for the brightest grin she can instead. Jamie returns it, gesturing for them to wander out of the gates and along the road. 

“Walk, or bus?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Bit achey, but I’m okay. It’s more the bed rest that’s done it, not the ribs.”

“Okay. Let’s walk, then, it’s probably safer than you getting thrown all over the place. I swear Camden drivers are all just constantly furious.”

Jamie chuckles. “Probably.”

“How was work?”

Jamie smiles. “Good. Really good. I don’t have team, exactly, but a lot of the job is a kind of peer review structure, so I get to look over a lot of other stuff. They like what I’m writing, stuff about the anarchist meetings and Gay Lib, so that’s good. I think it’s going to be really strong once we get it going.”

“It sounds it. You’re doing great.”

Jamie squeezes her arm in gratitude. “I hope so. I’ve got a proposition, actually.”

“Yeah?”

“They want to do a weekly staff feature, so that the community know that this paper is both for them and by them. And they want me in week one, with you. I mentioned you earlier, and they all think you sound lovely.”

Dani bites her lip, looking down. It does sound like a wonderful idea, and she’d love to do it. But the backlash would be too big - all it takes is for the wrong person to read _Dani Clayton_ in that newspaper and she’s probably fired. Jamie takes her hand, squeezing it as they turn onto the path, stopping in the porch before they go in. 

“I know. But, we can change your name, obviously, for teaching, and I thought for the photo we could get one of us from behind, maybe looking out over the canal? Tie your hair up so people can’t tell how long it is, something like that?”

Dani unlocks the door, kicking her shoes off. “I want to. I _really_ want to. Can you give me a day to think about it?”

“Sure thing, Poppins. No rush at all.”

They head into the kitchen, where Owen is sitting at the table, something in the oven smelling good. “Afternoon, lovebirds,” he says with a smile as they walk in, and Jamie rolls her eyes. 

“God, you’re here again? Thought you had a restaurant to run.”

Owen winks at her. “Take a peek at what’s in the oven and tell me again you don’t want my company.”

Jamie takes a look, wafting what smells like a pair of spectacular pies in the oven, and sighs. “You win. Thank you, Owen.”

“Pleasure. _Pie-sure_.”

“They get worse every time you try,” Jamie quips, placing a hand on the small of Dani’s back as she leans over to put the kettle on. “Why’s there only two? I know Dani’s tiny, but I’m _starving.”_

“I’m taking Hannah out tonight, when she gets home from work. House is all yours from six. And please, God, don’t let us walk in on you chowing down on the table, _please.”_

“One time, Owen. _One time.”_

 _“_ That blush on Dani suggests she’d rather not repeat the incident either.”

Dani’s face has indeed gone a very dark shade of red, the memory of Jamie with her face buried between her thighs and the sudden interruption of Owen’s _dear god, Hannah, they’re degenerates_ as they’d hastily had to stop, launching themselves into decency and hiding out until Owen and Hannah were very much downstairs. Dani had been _mortified,_ Jamie had laughed her ass off all night, and they’d spent the next day baking an apology cake. Dani had almost wet herself at Jamie’s half-assed _sorry_ piped on the top, most of her eight year olds could have done better, but every time she looks at it she feels tears of laughter in her eyes again, and they’d presented it to Hannah and Owen with her practically doubled over against the side. 

“Just wipe down the table when you’re done, please. People eat in here.”

“ _Owen.”_

“I’m _kidding._ Anyway, those pies should be done in a couple of minutes, so I’ll leave you to it. Need to go make sure I’ve got a suit ready for tonight.”

“Going anywhere special?” Dani asks, just about regaining the ability to look Owen in the eye as Jamie pours them a couple of cups of tea. 

“We’re going to _Rules_ , in Covent Garden. London’s oldest, apparently.”

“Sounds nice. Let us know if it’s any good.”

Owen grins at her, nodding. “Will do. Enjoy the kinky sex while we’re gone.”

“Fuck _off,”_ Jamie groans, while Dani just thinks that _yes, I will, thank you._

_*_

For all Owen’s teasing, when Jamie ties her wrists to the headboard, Dani wouldn’t care if Hannah and Owen were in the room next door. She’s _desperate_ for Jamie, who has been teasing her mercilessly all through dinner and beyond, and is only now finally giving her even a fraction of what she’s been thinking about. 

“Feeling okay, Poppins?”

Dani nods. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

Jamie nods, satisfied with explicit consent, and slowly drags Dani’s underwear down her legs, leaving her naked on the bed in front of her. Jamie is still fully clothed, taking a couple of pairs of tights and tying Dani’s ankles to the corners of the bed, leaving her spread wide and eager for Jamie to hurry up. The faster she wants her girlfriend to go, the slower she seems to, and the build-up is torturous. Jamie puts a record on, some husky jazz blend, and Dani can do nothing but watch as she starts to slowly unbutton her shirt, moving her hips. An age passes of Jamie’s gentle swaying, enough for her to still have her bra on two songs later, and Dani is practically salivating at the sight, trying not to strain against the restraints too early on. 

Jamie finally ditches her bra and tosses her underwear to the corner of the room, crawling onto the bed to straddle Dani’s stomach. “Say the system back to me.”

“Red is stop, orange is slow down, green is go.”

“Good girl,” Jamie says, leaning in and kissing her deeply, letting their breasts brush against each other as she does. They do this every time, a final check-in before things get heated, and Dani loves the consideration Jamie has for her. It’s the bare minimum, really, she knows that, but it still makes her feel good. All those _consent is sexy_ badges from her feminist group were right. She’s already on fire.

Jamie pulls back, rubbing a thumb over one of Dani’s taut nipples, waiting for a gentle whine of pleasure before leaning down to swirl her tongue over the other, taking her time. Dani is already canting her hips upwards, the slowness and the divine promise of what’s to come already overwhelming. Jamie shifts away from her, settling herself on one of Dani’s thighs, and Dani initially thinks Jamie’s about to touch her, when her girlfriend grinds deeply into her, and _oh._

 _That’s_ what she’s doing tonight. 

Jamie moves her hips in time with the music, moaning softly every time the pressure hits her clit, and Dani herself lets out a low whine at the feeling, the fact that she can’t reach out and touch Jamie is absolutely hell. She’s forced to lie back and watch as Jamie pleasures herself, using Dani’s leg as if Dani herself isn’t even there. It’s _so hot_. Jamie speeds up, increasing her pace and bringing her hands up to her breasts, teasing them as Dani stares open-mouthed, unable to do anything but stare. 

“Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Your eyes. Close them. If you open them before I say so, we’re stopping right now.”

Dani does as she’s told, feeling Jamie pause just long enough to lean over and kiss her as a reward. It doesn’t take long, though, for her to feel those hips moving again, feel Jamie slick against her, and the gasps in the air tell her Jamie is close. 

She _loves_ seeing Jamie hit her orgasm, the mix of pleasure, relief, and bliss is one of the hottest things Dani’s ever seen, and every time she revels in knowing that _she’s_ done that. This time, though, this is all on Jamie - they’d had a conversation on power dynamics before and decided that this was as far as they’d go, and Dani is enjoying it immensely, despite her frustration at her lack of input. She still had the knowledge that Jamie is doing this all for her, and that’s all she needs. 

Jamie’s practically panting by now, and Dani knows from the sounds alone that she’s seconds away, feeling a heavy tug in her core as Jamie cries out, grinding herself through her climax as Dani squeezes her eyes shut, refusing to open them even as her body screams to see the spectacle in front of her, to grab Jamie and throw her on the mattress and make her come again again and again.

She feels Jamie’s grinding slow down, eventually stopping, and Jamie stands to grab something she can’t see. “Texture?”

“Green.”

Dani feels what she thinks must be a feather ghost across her stomach, right into that dip on the side that makes her whole body convulse. She’s always been ticklish, and this is a whole new level - her eyes stay shut, and experiencing it all in the dark is next-level.

“Can you blindfold me?”

“What, and make this easier for you? Oh no, gorgeous. You’re going to show me how good _you_ can be. All by yourself.”

Dani whines as Jamie runs the feather over her again, an instinctive laugh escaping her at the sensation. She can’t help it, the tickling _far_ too intense to ignore, and Jamie doesn’t let up until she’s squirming, reduced to a mess in front of her girlfriend as she tries to escape the sensation. They have a safe word, she knows Jamie would stop the identical second she said it, but she’s loving it, the discomfort only building to what she can feel is going to be a spectacular high. 

Jamie gives her a particularly harsh tickle, and Dani is out of breath with laughter, when Jamie thrusts inside her without warning, two fingers up to the knuckle in slick heat. Dani’s laughter very quickly becomes a shout of pleasure, even more so as the heel of Jamie’s hand bumps against her clit at the exact moment she moves the feather again, and Dani _shrieks;_ a half-laugh, half-whine filling the air. She hears Jamie chuckle, dancing the feather across one last time as Dani gets close, then, true to form, removing her hand _just_ as Dani is about to hit her climax, leaving her practically sobbing out a whine as she frantically chases her fingers, squeezing her thighs tight together to try and get any kind of relief on her clit. Jamie puts the feather down and bites her thighs, teeth sinking into creamy flesh as Dani thrusts her hips up pathetically.

“Beg for it.”

“ _Please,_ Jamie.”

“Oh, we can do better than that. You’re too pretty to not know what to say. Too good, too good for me.”

Jamie’s words are _killing_ her - they’ve had a lot of fun with that particular type of dirty talk, and Dani is just as turned on every time. 

“Look at you all spread out. _Gorgeous._ You’re all I could ever want, all I could ever ask for. So, _so_ sexy. So prove how good you are. _Beg for it.”_

“ _Please_ , Jamie, _please_ fuck me. Use your mouth and your fingers and _fuck me.”_

Dirty talk still feels a little alien to Dani, but God, does it work. Jamie says one final _good girl_ before diving in, thrusting three fingers to the hilt inside Dani and sucking her clit, letting her teeth ever-so-gently scrape over it. Dani moans in relief, doesn’t even care when Jamie edges her again, knowing the pleasure building is going to be the most mind-blowing orgasm of her life. 

“Faster, please, Jamie, I need it.”

Jamie obliges, speeding up, and Dani feels her tongue flicker over her clit again, adding more pressure this time as she sucks on it lightly. One, two, three strokes, and she’s _screaming,_ shouting Jamie’s name and a string of expletives as her body shatters, her eyes never opening as stars dance in front of them. Jamie doesn’t stop, gets her to a second peak in record time, and Dani is prepared for that to be the end, surprised when Jamie keeps up the pace. 

“Think we can go for three?”

The most they’ve ever done is four over the course of the night, but Dani can feel that coil inside her tightening yet again, nodding furiously. Three in five minutes would be a hell of a record, but she’s got no doubt in her mind. 

“You can open your eyes.”

That’s what does it. The sight of Jamie, naked, between her legs, hair flying everywhere and a slight sheen of sweat on her forehead and Dani is _flying,_ her entire body shuddering violently in pleasure. Jamie is grinning, the last thing Dani sees before she throws her head back, her hips literally lifting off of the bed at the third rip of pleasure. Jamie brings her down gently, wipes her fingers on her thigh, and kisses along Dani’s inner thighs, soothing the bruises she’d sucked there earlier. She unties Dani’s legs first, letting her close them slowly, jumping every time the action causes her clit to come into contact with any flesh surrounding it, and then her wrists, a familiar routine of soothing the red skin there, checking carefully that the restraints haven’t hurt Dani any further than the pressure marks. Jamie kisses her deeply, strokes through her hair, and Dani curls into her, spent and exhausted, all too aware that they’re _definitely_ going to have to change the sheets tomorrow. 

Jamie pulls back to look into her eyes. “Spectacular,” she murmurs. “Every time.”

Dani smiles softly at her, taking her hand and entwining their fingers. “So are you.”

Jamie returns her smile. “Fancy a bath?”

“In a minute. Can you just hold me for a bit?”

“Yeah, ‘course I can.”

Jamie shuffles closer and wraps Dani up in her arms, hooking a leg around her to hold her ever closer. Dani lets out a happy sigh, feeling Jamie surrounding her, rubbing circles between her shoulder blades as Dani lets herself relax. The intensity of their kinkier sessions is a lot to deal with all at once, and she’s grateful to have someone like Jamie who just instinctively knows when she needs time to collect herself. Jamie listens to her every request, moves mountains for her, and it’s wonderful. 

Hours later, after a long bath, a thorough massage, and her hair being washed, brushed, and braided for her, Dani leans back into Jamie, a pair of strong arms around her waist on the sofa downstairs, the television gently on in the background. 

“Poppins?”

“Mm?”

“Can I say something? It’s a bit sappy, but I want to.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Jamie takes a second to gather her thoughts, and Dani squeezes her hand in encouragement. 

“I just, I dunno, wanted to say how much I love you. Like, _how_ much I love you. I didn’t think I _could_ love like this. Didn’t dream I’d ever get the chance.”

Dani leans back further into her touch, tucking her head under Jamie’s chin.

“And, like, I don’t know how to say it. There aren’t enough words in the world. But it’s so important to me that you know. I’d do anything for you, anything at all. You’re my everything. You’re the reason I love waking up. I love gardening, I love writing, I loved those things before you and I’ll always love those things. But you, you’ve given me _so much._ I’m so much happier than I ever thought I could be. You _make_ me want to be the best I can, y’know? I can never stop thinking about how lucky I am that you walked in here. Every day. You impress me, you surprise me, you love me. And I love _you._ So much.”

Dani feels the first tear hit her cheek, the hitch in Jamie’s voice shattering the last of her restraint. She turns over in Jamie’s arms, the television long-forgotten behind them, and strokes a thumb down Jamie’s cheek. “I know,” she says softly. “I know. In everything you do, everything you say, the way you look at me. I _know._ You don’t need to find the right words, because you tell me every day, in all the ways that matter. Any words are the right words, because they’re _yours_. I love you just as much, impossibly more. Every day. Every hour. Every _second.”_

Jamie nods, pressing her lips together and smiles, letting Dani wipe away another stray tear as she kisses her, Jamie’s hands coming to clasp around her waist, against her back. They take their time, exploring each other languidly, the opening of the front door all that brings them out of their world. 

“For the record, I don’t just think that after we’ve had mind-blowing sex.”

Dani grins down at her, drawing her into another deep kiss as footsteps approach 

“Oh, for fucks _sake,_ Hannah, they’re at it again.”

“Fuck _off,_ Owen, can’t you see we’re fucking _busy?”_

Dani laughs, and kisses her girlfriend again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i’m throwing this up to explicit lmao
> 
> i’ll stop writing overly emotional aftercare over my dead fucking body. and i’ve got at least three years left in this thing so deal with it
> 
> comments as ever just perfectly butter my toast, so any and all appreciated xxx


	9. bad news comes in threes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheeee i remembered i actually do have a vague plot outline. as stan twitter pointed out this entire fic exchanged characterisation for being horny on main and i can’t even say i’m sorry about it. good thing the namesake song is about an orgy. and y’all are more than welcome to say to my face what the problems are, i’m not solely after good feedback in the comments box, genuinely - i tend to check on thoughts on twitter just before uploading a new chapter, and caught wind of that, but constructive criticism really is welcome. i work in politics, i can take it!
> 
> (you got like two more chapters of fluff than i planned on, so this is quite long with a very heavy mix of angsty hurt & comfort. i THINK i’ll do the next chapter as the last, and then add an epilogue if i feel like it, depends how fast my brain switches into new au mode. toodles for now)

There are three events that lead Dani to her current position: crying, having just been sick, under her duvet, and desperately waiting for Jamie to get home.

The first, the picture in the newspaper.

She’d agreed under the provision that her real name would not be published, and the photo would not include her face. They’d got some really beautiful shots - one of which is currently framed on Dani’s desk at home, one they’d specifically requested a copy of. They’re in front of the canal, Jamie’s arms around her waist with her hands clasped at the back of Jamie’s neck, not even a millimetre of space between them. They’re looking at each other, laughing, Jamie’s heeled boots making her a couple of inches taller as Dani gazes up at her in adoration. Jamie’s hair is pinned back, loose curls fanning her face, and Dani’s is down, a gentle breeze through it. 

They look happy. Beyond any kind of happiness Dani has ever seen. So wrapped up in each other that the world doesn’t exist. She hadn’t been afraid of anybody seeing, hadn’t been worried about anything in the world. She can’t even remember what Jamie had said that had been so funny. The photo encapsulates them perfectly in their own little world, the bubble around them that they’ve built together impenetrable. She is Jamie’s protector and Jamie is hers; she is Jamie’s happiness and Jamie is hers. In another world, that’s the photo they’d have used - instead, it’s nestled in the corner, a twin copy pinned up on Jamie’s bookshelf, and Dani has a third copy tucked inside _Alice in Wonderland,_ a backup for if either of them ever loses theirs.

In the end, the picture they’d gone with is just as sweet. They’re sitting on the bench they’d had their first kiss on, looking out over the canal. Jamie’s arm is around her, Dani’s head leaning on her, and Jamie has turned her head to kiss Dani’s hair with a smile. It’s a lovely shot, one that the paper had been very happy with as they prepared for the release of their first issue. They’ve got a copy of it tucked in the corner of the bathroom mirror.

The second had been a single advertisement.

Gay News has a section for adverts of all varieties, any queer-friendly event happening, support groups, political meetings, and activist groups. Gay Liberation had naturally made the cut - no way was Jamie going to let that slip by. It takes up half the back page by itself, location and date clearly listed, and the promise of free biscuits a tantalising offer. Dani had been so hopeful it’d work, particularly if young people can get their hands on a copy. She knows just how much of a difference it would have made to a younger her if she’d been able to have such an accepting circle, somewhere to go where not only did she not have to lie about who she was, she could openly talk about it. 

She’s beyond thrilled when a few new faces show up on Wednesday, a young couple, Matilda and Jenny, an older woman, Magda, a couple of young guys she didn’t catch the names of, and eighteen-year-old Aria, who even from a first impression is more self-assured than Dani thinks she’ll ever be. All of them are met with warm smiles and introductions, and Jamie had immediately hit it off with Magda, bonding over a shared love of plants on the kitchen windowsill. Dani had struck up a conversation with Aria, learning that she’s a student at the London School of Economics, having moved down from Leeds to study the previous September. She’s sweet, interested in the group, and seems taken with Jamie, who wanders over and slips an arm around Dani as she introduces herself. 

Everyone’s taken with Jamie. It’s impossible not to be.

The third thing had been whoever the _fuck_ had noticed the picture, seen her leave that meeting hand-in-hand with Jamie, and reported her to Henry Wingrave.

She’d gone into work on Thursday morning feeling bright and sunny, greeting Shirley as she signs in at Reception, only to be told that Henry had requested her presence, and that it couldn’t wait. Dani had assumed it would be something to do with Flora, who Dani was set to tutor over the summer to give her a boost in her reading and writing, a little confused at the urgency, but not one to argue as she knocks on Henry’s door, hearing a weary _come in_ from the other side.

“Ah, Miss Clayton, take a seat.”

She does, feeling a creeping anxiety begin to take hold of her. Henry hasn’t looked up yet.

“Apologies for the formality, but I’m afraid there’s an issue that’s been brought to light that I can’t ignore.”

Dani’s heart is thudding, every action she’s ever taken in her life being replayed through her head.

“Oh?”

Henry sighs and looks up. “I’m not one to concern myself in the private lives of my staff. As long as you’re competent, punctual, and stick vaguely to the syllabus, that’s all I need. What you do outside those gates is your own business.”

Dani remains silent, a growing sense of knowing exactly what’s about to hit her.

“We’ve had a phone call this morning from a mother in your Friday class. There’s no delicate way to put this, I’m afraid. She believes she saw you leaving a meeting with another woman - a ‘queers gathering’, I think she called it.”

Her world spins.

“I don’t like idle gossip, but she seems to have spread the word. We’ve had a lot of complaints, and while I hope you know this doesn’t reflect on you as a teacher, I feel it’s best if you put a little distance between yourself and the school, until this blows over. Fully paid, of course.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know if I understand.”

Henry sighs again, folding his hands on the desk between them. “Unfortunately, while this onslaught is taking off, I’m placing you on paid leave, indefinitely. These sorts of things tend to get forgotten, at least on an admin level, fairly quickly; I’d like to think you won’t be away from us long, what with it being so close to the end of term. But I cannot have a member of staff being attacked like this, and I cannot have the reputation of the school brought down by upset mothers. I can only offer my apologies.”

She’d barely muttered an _okay_ before she stumbles out of the office, choosing to leave through the fire exit to avoid having to see Shirley. Somehow her feet carry her home, though she hasn’t got a clue how, running on pure adrenaline as she stumbles up the stairs and into her own bedroom for the first time in months, the bed still made. She comes in here to use her desk fairly frequently, but hasn’t slept here in months now. The light of June feels too harsh, the world too bright, and she closes her curtains, moving over to the bed and burrowing in it, finally letting her tears come.

*

Just last night she’d been on top of the world, Jamie’s hand clasped tightly in hers, a night of staying up far too late talking and laughing and _plenty_ of sex, just that morning she’d woken up with her arm around Jamie and a face full of curly hair, feeling a sense of peace she’s come to associate with those early mornings.

And now she’s on administrative leave, and there’s angry parents phoning the school, and she's _scared_. She’s so, _so_ scared.

At some point she exhausts herself into sleep again, her eyes red and sore, the knowledge that she’s got a whole day ahead of her with nothing to do but panic. Jamie is working on a gardening job, could be home any time between two and eight, and Dani has no way of contacting her. Hannah and Owen are at work, and neither of them would be able to either. She’s on her own, completely, feeling more adrift than she has in years.

Progress isn’t always linear. She knows the universe isn’t bent to her will. But just once, just one _fucking_ time, she wants to live without constant worry. She’s changed so much, grown so much in the time she’s been in London, but she still breaks down into the same anxious circles, the clawing panic of angry parents and a distancing of her job overtaking any relief at not being outright fired. She can’t stop the rush of thoughts that wake her, tossing and turning, her heart pounding even before she’s opened her eyes again. 

She forces herself downstairs, telling herself that if she can eat something she’ll feel stronger. It’s a lie. Within ten minutes of forcing down a sandwich she’s on her knees in the bathroom, all of it coming back up as she tries to keep her hair out of the way, slumping against the side of the bath, tears coming back as she sits there. She hears the front door open, presumably Hannah on her lunch break, and she flushes the toilet, hears Hannah’s footsteps pause, then tentatively head up the stairs. Dani stands, wetting a flannel and running it around her mouth, hearing Hannah open the door behind her.

“Dani?”

There’s no point even trying to hide what a mess she is. Dani can’t conceal her emotions at the best of times, let alone with red-rimmed eyes, hair all over the place, a very obvious _I’ve just spent four hours crying_ look on her face. Hannah takes a step in, and Dani falls into her, feeling her sobs ramp up again as Hannah holds her. Dani chokes out an explanation as best she can, feeling Hannah’s hand on her back, gently rubbing it, and Dani is grateful for Hannah’s quiet. She can’t deal with being told it’s okay just yet, not while the wound is so fresh.

Hannah brings her tea, says that she has to be getting back to the office soon, but she’s left her telephone number by the phone if Dani needs anything. Jamie should be back in a couple of hours, and Hannah has left a note for her on the table explaining the situation so that Dani doesn’t feel like she has to relive it. 

Dani seriously thinks Hannah is the glue that holds the world together. 

She tries to read a little in the time, picking up _Alice_ and flipping through familiar words. It’s such a familiar story that she doesn’t need to concentrate, just lets the words wash over her and the small illustrations a source of familiarity. She’s over halfway through it by the time Jamie gets home, hearing keys in the bowl and a pause as Jamie presumably reads Hannah’s note, before her girlfriend comes bounding up the stairs, knocking before she comes in, a look of worry on her face.

“You okay?”

For the third time that day Dani goes from coping to a sobbing mess in under a second, the gentle inquiring just tipping her back over the edge. Jamie shuts the door behind her, climbs onto the bed, and gently takes _Alice_ from Dani, moving her bookmark and putting it on the side before joining Dani under the covers, pulling her in close. “I don’t know what to do,” Dani chokes out, feeling Jamie’s heartbeat against her. “I can’t live without you, not now.”

“Hey, hey, Poppins. You know I’d never, ever force you to stay with me, yeah? Ever. But nobody’s going _anywhere_ just yet. I love you, and you haven’t done anything wrong. None of this is illegal anymore, you haven’t broken any laws, and nothing in your contract said you couldn’t have a female partner. They don’t have anything to go on. Okay?”

Dani forces a nod, appreciating Jamie’s efforts but not believing a single word of them. “Why am I the one on leave, then? If none of this is wrong?”

Jamie kisses her hair. “Honestly, love, it’s probably more for your sake than theirs. I know it’s shit, but it’s probably for the best that you let them deal with any nasty calls or visits. It’s only going to make things worse if you try and confront anyone, no matter how much you want to.”

Dani sniffs, moving a hand to wipe her eyes. “I guess. I just feel so sick.”

“What can I do to help?”

“You already spend half your time comforting me.”

“That’s not what I asked, Dani. How can I help?”

Jamie’s resilience never fails to impress her. “Just be with me, I think. Not mention work.”

She feels another kiss in her hair. “Okay. No teaching talk. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m at the office for the next couple of days, so if you need to not be on your own, you can always come with me? Could always use a hand around there.”

“That might be nice.”

“It’ll keep you busy. And, if you hate it, you can just go right home again, okay? No pressure. Plus, I think it’ll do you good to be in an environment where nobody’s judging. I can have you up against a meeting room and barely anyone would blink.”

Dani sniffs, a watery smile on her face. “Is that a promise?”

Jamie grins. “That’s my girl,” she says, tilting Dani’s head up to kiss her deeply. 

*

It’s not exactly stopping her overthinking, but Jamie was right: being in an all-queer space is helping. 

Nobody fights internalised homophobia the way Dani has and not have to try not to slip back into that when any major event happens. She knows she’d be panicking even more if she was stuck on her own right now. Today, though, she’s sitting shredding paper in the corner, having needed something repetitive to do, and knows that every time she looks up there’s a pair of loving eyes waiting for her. 

She helps Jamie with her writing blocks and proofreads her articles, saving Jamie a job and giving herself something to look over when she’s run out of old documents to shred. They go out for lunch, stopping by a bakery Jamie keeps meaning to go to, and Dani finally feels like she can keep food down, getting them a box of miniature brownies to share when they get back to the office. Jamie comments on how strangely professional she feels, still not fully sure if she likes it or not - Dani can understand why. Jamie’s a creature of routine, but usually her own routines. Gardening is all her creation, her writing job more rigid and fixed, and Dani knows she’d find it difficult to keep up.

The tension doesn’t leave her, despite Jamie doing everything possible. She’s coping, holding it together even as she jumps every time the telephone out in the hall rings, and offers to collect the articles Jamie needs to review from her pigeonhole in the foyer, heading out and smiling at the people she passes. She arrives in the foyer to find someone else just leaving, asking him where Jamie’s pigeonhole is.

“Hi, you must be Dani. The teacher, right?”

Dani doesn’t know why this is what does it. Why this poor man in front of her has to watch her take a second, swallow hard, and then burst into tears, leaning against the wall with the force of her sobs, trying and failing to catch her breath. She sinks to the floor, starting to hyperventilate as she does, faintly hears a shout of _has anybody seen Jamie?!_ somewhere above her. As ever, that voice comes sweeping in again, shouts of _pathetic_ and _embarrassing_ and _wrong_ circulating in her brain, louder and louder until she can’t even hear herself in the cacophony of internal shouting. She hasn’t had a panic attack since she was still with Eddie, had almost managed to forget the intensity of them, the way she can’t register anything except how much she feels like she’s going to die right there and then. Someone is putting a jacket around her shoulders, calling for Jamie again, and Dani buries her face in her knees, drawing them up to her in an effort to block out some of the sensory overload around her.

The fact that this is all happening in an office hallway makes her want to _die_ with embarrassment.

Whoever is next to her retreats, mercifully giving her one less thing to deal with as she chokes through the minutes, until she feels the soft thud of someone hitting the floor in front of her, a gentle hand on her leg, a soft _Poppins?_ breaking through. She manages to lift her head just enough to see a pair of concerned brown eyes looking back at her, blurry through tears, before she shuts hers again, breaking down into further sobs.

“Okay. Alright, okay. Yes or no questions, okay? Can you hear me?”

Dani nods.

“Do you know where you are?”

Nod.

“Can I touch you?”

Nod.

“Can you walk?”

A shrug. She’s honestly not sure.

“Okay.”

She feels Jamie stand, and hears her asking for a clear hallway until she can get Dani back to her office. Dani hears retreating footsteps, and then Jamie is kneeling in front of her again, her hands cupping Dani’s elbows and rubbing soft circles on them. “Okay. It’s okay. You’re okay, yeah? You’re here, with me, and you’re having a panic attack. Just keep that breathing going, slow it if you can, but if you can’t, just focus on breathing in, yeah? I’m here with you, I’m not going anywhere. Just breathe. We’ll worry about the rest of it later.”

Dani tries her best to ground herself around Jamie’s touch, focusing in on the soothing patterns on her elbows, trying to force herself to prioritise that physical sensation above anything else. She can’t slow her breathing at first, the light-headedness beginning to take over until her vision goes white, but just as she feels like she’s about to pass out entirely she manages to breathe out, a long, shaky sigh before she draws in another deep breath. 

“That’s it. You’re doing great.”

A few more minutes pass as Dani eventually slows her breathing, her lungs aching and shoulders hunched. Jamie breathes with her, times their exhales until Dani is almost at a normal pace again.

“There you go. Keep going. In and out.”

Dani nods, still not looking up. 

“Do you think you can walk with me? Just don’t want you worrying about sitting out here.”

Dani finally forces herself to meet Jamie’s eyes again, sees nothing but the utmost faith there, and nods, shakily, letting Jamie pull her up and wind a supportive arm around her, holding her up more effectively than Dani’s managing herself. They take slow steps, Dani reaching up to wipe more tears away every few seconds, until they’re back in Jamie’s office. Jamie gently sits her on the sofa - any other time and she’d be putting plenty of light teasing into just how fancy the place is for a low-budget, small-circle print - but she can only focus on the soft cushions now. Jamie sits next to her, arm still around her waist as she encourages Dani to lean into her.

“Can you talk?”

“Little bit.”

“Okay. Are you okay to stay here, or do you need to go home? I’ll be finished in about an hour.”

“I can stay. I don’t want to be alone.”

“Alright,” Jamie kisses her head. “Did something bad happen, or is it just the build-up?”

Dani bites her lip. “Sort of both. I think it’s the build-up, and then the guy in the hallway said about me being a teacher, and I just...lost it.”

“Yeah. Kenny’s probably shitting it, but he’ll understand, he’s a good kid.”

She feels awful at the idea that she’s caused a worry, especially when this is Jamie’s workplace, but allows herself to be talked back down. Kenny _will_ understand. She _will_ be okay. 

“You alright if I finish working? You can have a nap, or do some writing, or read if you want.”

Dani nods, straightening up and stretching herself out, feeling her movement return properly. “I’ll try and sleep, I think. Didn’t get much last night.”

Jamie kisses her cheek, smiling. “Sounds good. Are you warm enough?”

Dani nods as Jamie stands, swinging her legs around onto the sofa and lying down. “You know, having a sofa your office is _ridiculous._ ”

“Poppins, if I had my way, you’d be being fanned with palm leaves on a chaise by now.”

*

It doesn’t get easier.

Every morning Dani wakes up and has to realise yet again that she doesn’t have anywhere to go. A week has passed, and she’s heard no news. She goes to the office with Jamie, spends a couple of days at the restaurant with Owen, glad to have something to do even if she’s just washing glasses behind the bar. 

It’s not in her nature to sit around. Partly a personality trait, partly years of nervous energy that needed burning off. She tries a variety of things in her spare time; fiction writing, jumping jacks, art, running, but every time her thoughts come creeping back in. Jamie joins her for a run if they have time, and that helps - as long as she has something or someone there as a distraction, the chance of success is pretty high. But most of the time is torturous, every day filled with worries that she’s going to hear Henry down the phone telling her that things aren’t improving, that they’re letting her go. Getting a job near Camden had been hard enough, but getting fired would blacklist her from the whole area - Dani isn’t a stranger to just how fast word travels.

Everybody’s out, Owen leaving her with a lasagna and heating instructions for lunch, and Jamie with a kiss at the door and a list of challenges for the day. She’d caught on early to Dani’s difficulty with idle hands, and started leaving her little tasks to do, something to report back at the end of the day. Dani unfolds the paper in the kitchen, scanning over it. 

  * _Find the following plants in my encyclopedia and give me a small fact-sheet on them: Dryas octopetala, Nootka lupine, Holtasoley._
  * _Give me a list of Shakespeare plays, ranked in order of preference. I know you’ve read at least fifteen of them, so should keep you busy._
  * _Reorganise your books into alphabetical order by author’s first name. Then back to by surname, because I know it’ll bother you otherwise._
  * _I’ve hidden a pair of my knickers somewhere in the kitchen. Might want to find them before Hannah gets back._



_See ya soon, dream girl xxx_

The last one in particular makes her snort with laughter. It’s such a ridiculous thing to do, and she starts there, knowing for a fact that Hannah’s keen eye will find anything. Mornings are particularly hard, and she appreciates something to do that makes her laugh. She goes through the cupboards, the fridge, and eventually finds them sellotaped to the inside of the almost-empty sugar jar, chuckling to herself as she does. She bites her lip, deciding to give Jamie something to look forward to as she swaps them for her own, throwing hers in the laundry basket as she heads into her room to start list-making.

She gets most of the way through her Shakespeare rankings, having to re-do the list three times as she keeps changing her list, when the phone rings. 

She contemplates leaving it, but curiosity wins out as she heads downstairs to the hallway. “Hello?”

“Good morning, I’m calling for Dani Clayton.”

“Speaking.”

“Lovely. I’ll put Mr. Wingrave through now.”

Her heart sinks through the floor. 

“Hello?”

“Hello Dani. How are you doing?”

How is she supposed to answer that? _Yeah, great, thanks, just living the dream. Couldn’t care less about being suspended. Doing great. Thanks._

“Oh, you know. Getting by.”

“Good. We’ve been reviewing your, uh, situation, and I’m afraid it’s not good news.”

“Oh?”

“As there’s only a week of term left, I feel it’s best we dismiss you for the rest of term, still on paid leave. Should you choose to be, you’ll be welcomed back with open arms in September, but I believe it’s for the best that we let the matter be forgotten with time.”

She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t expected this, but it doesn’t stop the sting. “And Flora?”

“I’m perfectly happy for you to tutor her over the summer, as we planned.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t called with better news, but we feel it’s for the best. Take care.”

She clicks up the phone and takes a deep breath. Right, then. 

That’s that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as i said, feedback both good and constructive appreciated, particularly as i want to start a new au soon and i don’t want to get a reputation as an author who can write heavy smut and nothing else, y’know? 
> 
> i tend to check for twitter feedback in the search bar just before & just after uploading a chapter, i promise i’m not just hovering in plain sight lmao.


	10. if you’re queer and you know it, clap your hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last one eeeek
> 
> i feel like i haven’t actually mentioned yet that gay news is a real thing - their last issue was in 1983, and they started june 1971, hence why i wanted to link one of these two in there. i haven’t been able to find an exact location, and i think i’m being a little overly generous by giving them all office spaces - i’m kinda picturing a floor in a fairly basic building, but i reckon a lot of it would have been done from peoples homes. 
> 
> also, my god is it hard finding information on bars in this era, so i’m pretending happiness forgets in hoxton is around. it’s based off a quote by dionne warwick said in 1970 and that’s good enough for me. it’s also another personal favourite, and if you go around the 4-6pm mark in the summer you might even get the place to yourself. plus, if you see someone in the corner with big ass glasses and dressed like the ‘40s never ended, it may very well be me. have fun heléna-spotting xox

Dani Clayton is nothing if not resilient. 

While she wishes she was back at work, she’s relieved to at least know what’s happening now. It’s the uncertainty that always gets her, and while the days still feel a little too long, she’s pulling herself back together. 

Owen’s given her a couple of chores at the restaurant, handling the phone and reservations on busy days to take some of the stress off of his staff. It’s nothing exciting, but Dani’s far from the worst person to be the face of customer service - “besides, it’s either you or Jamie, and I think I know who I trust more with the public,” Owen had said. She takes shifts on Friday through to Sunday, in exchange for Owen paying her share of the gas bill and council tax, which she considers a fair arrangement, considering the majority of her daytime shifts are spent waiting for calls with a paperback.

She’s also started planning for her summer lessons with Flora. She’ll be seeing her twice a week, and while Henry had asked for a mixture of reading, grammar, spelling, and writing, Dani’s also planning a list of books for them to work through, deciding to dedicate one session a week to that and the other to the rest of it. Flora is an avid reader with a huge imagination, and Dani knows that her later years of schooling are unfortunately likely to snatch that away from her if she doesn’t have an enthusiastic love for it already. That’s not happening on her watch. 

The end of June is nigh and she’s just finalising the list, waiting for Jamie to get home. They’re going out that night, Dani having lost several rounds of Cluedo and wanting to follow through on her promise of buying Jamie a drink in style. Kate had given her some cocktail bars to have a look at, and she’s chosen Happiness Forgets in Hoxton, under reassurances that it’s small, private, and the staff don’t ask questions. Jamie should get back in the next half hour, and Dani is a little nervous, though she knows she shouldn’t be. It’s just the first time they’ve been out in public since her suspension, and she’s also invested in a new dress for the occasion, something she hopes will give Jamie a bit of a treat. She trusts Kate’s recommendation, but she doubts she’ll be able to settle until they’re there, safe and sound. 

She hears the rattle of the lock and keys in the bowl, hearing familiar footsteps wander into the kitchen and then up the stairs, and she can’t suppress the smile that automatically graces her face. Jamie knocks softly before coming in, a similar expression to Dani’s, walking over to the desk with an apple in her hand and taking a bite out of it, swallowing before leaning down to kiss Dani in greeting. She’s in her gardening gear, which Dani finds a lot more attractive than perhaps she should, hair loose and wild about her face.

“Good day?”

Jamie takes another bite. “Mm. Busy one. Might have another big landscaping job on the horizon though. Some woman in the Chelsea outskirts, so it’ll be good money.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it. Nobody better.”

Jamie grins down at her, running her fingers through Dani’s hair. “Gonna hop in the shower before I start getting ready. How long have we got?”

“What’s the time?”

“About half five.”

“Reservation is at eight, so about two hours if you’re alright getting a cab?”

Jamie nods. “I’ll hop in now then. No peeking until it’s time. I want to have my jaw thoroughly dropped.”

Dani blushes, putting her pen down and turning her head to kiss Jamie’s palm. “I’ll see what I can do.”

*

She’s pretty sure she’s succeeded.

Jamie, charismatic as ever, knocks on her door at exactly seven-thirty, and Dani takes a breath before opening it.

“Holy _shit.”_

Dani smiles, smoothing her dress down. “Good?”

Jamie bites her lip and grins at her. “The _best.”_

Dani’s in form-fitting purple velvet, her hair tied back with a couple of strands at the front to frame her face, her favourite earrings in and the pair of heels she’s neglected for about three years finally getting to see the light. She feels _good,_ Jamie’s gaze unashamedly raking over her. She’s having a similar response - Jamie has an open white blouse and suspenders clipped to her trousers, her hair straightened out and then gently waved. She’s _beautiful._

She’s too busy looking at her girlfriend to even notice the flowers, until Jamie takes a step forward and hands over a bouquet. They’re stunning, all shades of pink, lilac, and white, a mixture of _lisianthus_ and _alstroemeria_ , Jamie tells her later. She takes a deep sniff, smiling softly, and moving inside to put them on the bookshelf, promising to get a jug of water for them later so they can stand on her desk.

She stands looking at them for a couple of seconds, sensing Jamie take a step towards her, a hand coming to rest on her back. “You’re _stunning,_ Dani. Truly,” Jamie says to her, and Dani grins up at her, leaning in to kiss her softly. 

“Ready to go?”

Jamie nods, her hand never leaving Dani’s back as they head down the stairs and out through the front door, walking down to the High Street to hail a cab. It’s been a while since they had a proper fancy date night, and Dani feels the familiar fizz of excitement in the cab, Jamie’s hand subtly placed over hers in the back.

They get to Hoxton Square for five to eight, and it’s a good thing they do, as the bar is hidden away - it’s only when Jamie notices an open gate leaving to a basement building that Dani realises _this_ is what Kate meant when she described it as “difficult to find.” There’s a chalk-paint wooden sign at the bottom of the steps advertising, and Dani likes that it’s a quiet area, fairly residential except for the restaurant upstairs. Jamie takes her hand down the stairs, separating when they get to the door, and they’re greeted by a young man there, who takes Dani’s name and leads them to a private booth in the corner. Dani had asked for somewhere discrete, and she’s thrilled with the result, the angle giving them almost total privacy from the rest of the room.

Jamie slides in opposite her, and Dani runs a foot up her leg affectionately as they look at the menu. She opts for a Sacred Valley, a peach-based cocktail with champagne and lemon, and Jamie decides on a Jerezana, a combination of sherries and vermouth with vanilla and orange. The entire menu is extravagant and intricate, and Dani’s somewhat grateful that they haven’t gone anywhere fancy in a while, since they’ve got the finances for four or five rounds if they feel like it. The table is theirs for the rest of the night, and she’s got plenty of time to build the confidence to ask Jamie what she wants to. 

“Hey, Poppins,” Jamie interrupts her thoughts, leaning over to hold her hand on the table. 

“Yeah?”

“So, I know you’re still a bit on alert, but I wanted to ask you somewhere.”

“Okay?”

Jamie looks at her for a moment before continuing. “I got a call about it today. There’s going to be a parade, here in London, on the first day of July. A parade for, y’know, _us._ People like us. England’s first show of gay pride. I get it if it’s a bit much for you, but I really want to go, if you do.”

Dani bites her lip, thinking. It sounds incredibly exciting - she remembers hearing about a similar event in New York the summer before, had wondered if she felt brave enough. She didn’t go, in the end, but had scoured the shops for some kind of report or article on it, looking for photos of someone, _anyone_ , who looked like they had a similar story to hers. She’d hidden a magazine in her room at the manor for weeks, not wanting anyone to see but needing to keep something close to her, a reminder that there’s a community out there that’s getting stronger, louder, more visible. However alone she felt, she wasn’t. However much she wished she could feel the way she was supposed to, she couldn’t. But she had a whole group of people waiting for her who felt the same. The guilt was what crushed her; aching, weighing guilt at her thoughts, her feelings, over breaking off with Eddie and over giving herself a hard time when there was nothing she could do. His sister had been the first time she’d ever kissed a woman, and near-total exclusion from her hometown had been the consequence. That association of women and guilt still taps at the back of her mind sometimes. She wants to go with Jamie, wants to do younger her the justice of achieving a goal and giving a big _fuck you_ to every part of her mind that rallies against her. But that fear is there again, quietly waiting for her. She doesn’t _know._

Jamie always knows when something’s off. She lets Dani’s hand go as the waiter brings their drinks, thanks him, and takes a sip before she looks at Dani. “You know I won’t be mad if you say no, right? I can go with some work friends, or some of the Gay Lib guys, Kate’s going, and I think Charlotte is too. It’s okay.”

Dani takes a sip of her cocktail, the smoothness of the peach and the added fizz of the champagne a delight. “Honestly? I don’t know. I want to, I just don’t know if I’m ready.”

Jamie nods. “Hey, ‘s alright. You don’t have to tell me now. Don’t even have to tell me until the morning. Think on it, but don’t be pressured, okay?”

She smiles, and Dani returns it. “I also had something to ask you.”

“Go for it.”

Dani collects herself, putting her hands flat on the table to steady herself. “So, I haven’t slept in my own bed since, like, March.”

Jamie’s eyes twinkle. “You haven’t.”

“And I like that. I just, uh-“

“Don’t like that you’re still paying for it?”

“Kinda.”

Jamie shrugs. “So share my room. We’ll go halves on my share.”

Dani looks at her in wonder, constantly surprised by Jamie’s knack for knowing exactly what she’s going to say. “I- uh, yeah. Yeah, that’s what I was gonna ask. If you’d want that.”

Jamie smiles at her. “Dani. I spend all my time with you anyway. My work hours aren’t that consistent, so you’ll still have alone time, and so will I when I have days off in the week. There’s still the kitchen, the living room, so I wouldn’t feel fenced in, as long as you didn’t. And we can move your desk over easy, make space for your books and clothes. I can’t even have an afternoon nap on my own anymore without feeling a bit weird. Makes sense to me.”

“Wow. That was, uh, easier than expected.”

Jamie’s smile widens, and she clinks her glass against Dani’s. “Everything’s easy with you, Poppins. I don’t really believe in all that soulmate stuff, but we’re a good match. And I also don’t think you’d be asking if you weren’t at least ninety percent sure I’d agree.”

She’s got her there. “True. It feels strange to be asking about the logistics already - I guess it doesn’t count as moving in together when I’ve always been a door away. When do you want to start?”

“Well, we’re taking tonight off. Might not be a conventional big step, but it’s not like we need that excuse,” Jamie says. “Then tell Hannah and Owen tomorrow, see what they say. I guess gradually after that.”

“Yeah.”

Jamie frowns slightly, looking at her. “You okay? You seem a bit, I dunno, deflated.”

Dani is about to slip into her usual of shaking it off, when she meets Jamie’s eyes. She doesn’t have to do that anymore. Jamie will understand, and Dani doesn’t want to lie to her. She’s spent enough time squashing her feelings down. 

“Yeah, no, I’m excited. Happy, really. I think I just expected it to be a bigger deal? I don’t mean you, just generally. I know we’re not exactly moving in together, not like normal people do, but it still feels like a big step. I don’t know. I’m just being sensitive, I think.”

Jamie puts her glass down and takes Dani’s hands across the table. “It _is_ a big deal, she says, that familiar grin returning. “It _is._ And yeah, I know moving a desk and stuff to the other room on the floor isn’t the most exciting thing. But it’s still a step for us, and I’m happy, and I’m excited for it, I promise. Nothing about it is small. Probably feels it because you’ve more or less been living in that room for the last three months.”

Dani nods, feeling herself begin to perk up. “You’re right. I know you are. It’s just strange to be having the conversation in a small bar one evening and just...that’s that, y’know?”

Jamie lets her hands go, and catches the attention of the waiter, ordering two glasses of whatever the recommended champagne is. She turns back to Dani. “Well. We can always start by spicing things up in here.” 

Dani grins at her, feeling the doubts dissipate. She slides into the side of the booth next to Jamie when their drinks get there, and gets the waiter to take their picture, Jamie’s arm around her waist and Dani smiling her biggest, toothiest grin as Jamie squeezes her hip, holding her close. 

*

Hannah and Owen agree immediately, and after consideration, they all decide that Dani will continue paying the same rent amount she does, but they’ll convert what was her room into a separate area for her and Jamie, so that they have the top floor to themselves, keeping connected by the kitchen and their frequent games nights. Selling her bed had been easy enough, and after an evening of trying awkwardly between the four of them to get a sofa, a small television, and a shelf to rest it on, they’ve finally got their own little living room, only a couple of weeks after deciding. Dani keeps her desk in there, under the window, moving the sofa to where her bed was, giving them a cozy study-like room to themselves. Jamie moves a few plants in to give the space some life, and Dani spots a Moroccan lamp at an antique stall, which now rests on the bookshelf, glowing gently in the evenings with a flickering candle in it.

She does most of her work prep in there, finishing the outlines for Flora a couple of weeks in advance. They get a small filing cabinet for Jamie to use, letting her gently work on articles or reviews outside of work hours. The first issue of the paper is already circulating widely, despite being less than a month old, and Jamie is finding herself getting invited to more and more events, letting Dani come to whichever ones she feel like. They’d attended a particularly interesting one on queerness in migrants that Jamie’s reviewing, a small gathering in the very corner of Hyde Park, but full of passionate speakers and new information.

Dani wonders what her mother would think, sometimes. Her God-fearing heterosexual daughter in rural nowhere is now living with her girlfriend in the busiest city in England, regularly attending talks about anarchism, queerness, feminism, everything the Church her mother loves so dearly had tried to warn her about.

The beautiful thing about it is that Dani doesn’t really care. She’s _happy_.

Jamie doesn’t push her about Pride, doesn’t mention it again until the moving around is complete, letting Dani deal with one thing at a time. She doesn’t ask her, just drops it casually into a conversation as a gentle reminder, and Dani carries the idea in her head, all too aware she’s got about a week to make up her mind. They settle in for the evening, Dani gently spooning Jamie on the sofa, Jamie tucked safely under her chin and Dani absent-mindedly playing with her hair, teasing her fingers through soft curls, noticing with a smile that Jamie’s in one of her pyjama shirts, the peach fabric highlighting the glow of her cheeks. 

She runs her fingers through her hair, feels Jamie completely relaxed into her, and thinks. 

Later, when Jamie’s tongue is on her, a hand pressing her gently into her mattress - _their_ mattress - and Dani’s head hitting the pillows in pleasure, she makes up her mind on the parade. 

She’s hidden herself and her love from the world for long enough. 

*

Pride is busy, and she and Jamie are definitely in the minority of women in attendance, but _God_ , it feels like home. 

Jamie has taken her _if God hates lesbians, why are we so cute?_ sign, giving Dani a warm, familiar feeling as the thinks that technically that sign was the catalyst for their first meeting. She’s made one of her own for the day, a large painted rainbow over the words _love is love -_ she’d laughed at her lack of ability for witty slogans, but Jamie had disagreed, kissing her. “Yours is just as important. Doesn’t have to be some shitty rhetorical question. It’s whatever _you_ resonate with.”

They’ve painted each other up a bit, Dani with a touch of glitter to her hair and Jamie in a dark red lipstick, her leather jacket on and a ton of anarchist and socialist pins all over the lapels. Dani is a little less conspicuously dressed, but she feels good, her light denim jacket welcome in the midday sun. The police presence had been a bit daunting, especially with the comparative freshness of Jamie’s injury, but she pushes the thought down. Everyone participating in the march is composed, calm, and they’ve already had several fun conversations, finding a couple who had even travelled from Glasgow to be in attendance. Jamie takes some phone numbers to fulfil promises of advertising local gay businesses and organisations in Gay News, giving Dani a good reason to bump her hip and make a joke about _the hottest journalist in London_ , to which Jamie had replied _in the world, please._

Mostly, Dani’s thrilled to be out in public as Jamie’s girlfriend. They’ve not exactly always been subtle, often keeping arms linked and fingers brushing together, but this is different. Jamie’s arm is around her constantly, or their hands are linked, or Dani is kissing her cheek. She’s not feeling possessive; quite the opposite. She wants to shout from the rooftop that Jamie has chosen her, that this beautiful, brilliant woman is with _her,_ Dani Clayton from the rural pits of Iowa. Jamie says that she was thinking exactly the same as they recount the parade to Hannah and Owen later, laughing. 

The parade begins to form, and she walks with Jamie over to where some of her colleagues from Gay News are, thrilled to spot Kate there too, who waves a hello with her spare hand. She’s part of the group in front, six or seven from the Gay Liberation meetings who have a massive cloth banner simply stating _gay rights!_ held up between them. The atmosphere is electric, the buzzing of excited voices everywhere - Dani’s even been hit on a couple of times, turning them down with a genuinely flattered gratitude, but confirming that she’s with someone, and not planning on changing that any time soon. She slips an arm around Jamie’s waist as they wait for things to kick off, feels a kiss in her hair. 

“I’m so glad you came.”

She looks at Jamie, who has a soft smile on her face. “Yeah. Yeah, me too. Feels right.”

“It _is_ right, Dani. These are our people, y’know? Our community. And today I get to show you off to all of them and watch you properly enjoy yourself. You deserve to.”

Dani smiles at her. She takes Jamie’s hand, raises the banner high, and joins in a rousing chorus of _if you’re queer and you know it clap your hands,_ laughing brightly as Jamie almost smacks her in the face with her sign as she claps. 

Jamie’s right. This is their community, _her_ community. Jamie is her family, her partner, her equal, in everything they do. 

Damn her if she’s ever letting go of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE ARE DONE !!
> 
> i know it’s a little short, but, upon reflection, i’m not gonna do an epilogue for this. i think this is a really nice moment to leave it at, and i also really want to get going on the next one lmao. 
> 
> thank you so much to all of you for your overwhelming support. i’m really not kidding when i say every comment makes me so supremely happy - i must have spent hours of my life refreshing to check for any new ones, and i LOVE chatting with you all about this fic and whatever else comes up, so thank you so much to everyone who has. 
> 
> keep an eye out over the next couple of days for the new one - possibly lover’s desire, but i’m going back and forth on names. it’s going to be i THINK about fifteen chapters, and in a variety of locations - all will make sense. i truly hope to see you all there, it’s another niche one but i’m really enthusiastic about it!
> 
> love as always, and of course happy birthday to miss amelia eve, who i hope to christ never finds this or anything else i’ve ever written. if you’re reading this i’m sorry, and i’ll file the restraining order agreement in the morning.  
> heléna xx


End file.
